SHORT: Dropped: Short film

J

jonE5

Veteran
Dropped: A short film i wrote and directed earlier this year.

Dropped the story of Robby a student who drops out of College, and meets a girl he jokingly tells he is a professor. When Sara takes the joke to be serious, how far will Robby take it to impress her?


Shot with the Canon 60D and T2i + tamron 17-50mm 2.8. Various Led lite panels were used, sound recorded to zoom h4n and rode videomic. Audio is still being tweaked.
http://vimeo.com/22315359

Please give me any feedback you can.

Thanks,

jon
 
opening titles:

"with Transcendence and dreamlite productions" --> this one was to fast... I had to rewind and pauze it to read it..
It might not be important, but...I know have a feeling of "ok, I'm not that interested anymore". Which is only a "guideline" of feeling, it's not that I'm going to stop watching now...

I would go extremly extremly extremly close on "Dropped"... that it fills the whole screen.

The turn around thing is nice. But the close-up, there he doesn't look around. So it looks like it's another time.

the scene where he gets some money...it doesn't give any more information I think... But I'll see in the end

at 00:34 the lady is looking in the camera, and the guy is laughing (well...having a kinda smile on his face)
Which I think wasn't ment to happen ?

The hiss sound could be because of the zoom H4N. Or because the level was to high because the mic was to far away ?

"I"m sorry chill out", there's still a piece of another word after that (outside scene)

Watch out for continuity

03:15 --> distorted, nothing you can do about...

Did you record roomtones, setnoises, ambiances ? I hope you did because in some scenes you'll need it.

the story itself is a bit weak I find..... And that's because I think you want to put a lot of things in 8 minutes..
You actualy use the first 7minutes and then in the last minute there's a sort of "rush rush".

I would just start with "the guy meets Sarah", and then let them do happy things together, then he get's caught, Sarah is mad, angry and so on
then after the guy tries to fix it... (or something like that)
 
I was unable to finish based solely on poor sound- levels on dialogue are very low compared to music bed, or unintelligible due to background noise/hiss. Sound should be a priority (this, coming from a DP).
 
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