Directors who fall in love with lead actors/actresses they work with on a movie

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radiohead

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I'm a director who has fallen in love with an actress I work with. I'm a director who has been working with this one actress for some time now. She loves practically everything I write. She makes me feel so great about myself and encourages me in my pursuits as a director. She really admires my work. The problem is, the more time I spend with her, the more I'm falling in love with her. I think it's only natural because when you write a screenplay, it's a projection of a lot of your own thoughts and ideals. And to cast someone, you cast someone who visually appears to fit what you had in your head, it's like these actors go into it taking a huge piece of your heart from the beginning. It's a very intimate process. As you see the words on the script come to life, you trust them, they trust you, it sort of evolves into something even more intimate. A bond is formed after every shoot. If you're an editor, you spend hours cutting and editing their footage and looking at them and thinking about them.

This is a growing concern of mine. I feel like every movie I've done in the past I've had a little bit of feelings towards the lead actresses who fit the mold of what I'm making as the ideal woman. But most recently I've fallen in love with one but she's in a serious relationship already. I tossed and turned last night with the thought of telling her but I know it will ruin our friendship and I'll have to re-cast her out of another movie if it does. I felt like posting this online somewhere and venting. I searched the internet and found nothing on the subject discussed, so this will likely be the first thing that comes up for directors out there with the same dilemma.

Have any of you directors on here ever fell for someone you worked with? I feel there is a large world out there of people who don't get us independent filmmakers, and many actresses are quite attractive and affectionate to the point that they lead you to believe that they are interested in you. Hugs and smiles and talking you up with admiration and so much loving energy. So much on my mind, I couldn't sleep.
 
Only advice for this is, be professional. Don't sleep with anyone in your team. Don't get romantically involved with anyone on your team. Don't make advances on anyone on your team, and if they make advances on you, ignore them.

It's unprofessional, and the rest of the team will recognize that. It'll have a negative impact on the production, your reputation, and possibly the reputation of the actress (or other team member) in question.

Watch THE COMMITMENTS and be like Jimmy Rabbitte. That's the guy you should be as a filmmaker.
 
Thanks for the feedback. Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever developed feelings for someone you worked with on a set? I definitely agree with never do anything on a set to jeopardize the production. I would never do that. But afterwards, she's all I think about lately.
 
I found this great article that lists all these famous directors who fell in love with actresses they worked with, apparently it's very common and almost inevitable.
http://philadelphiatheatrecompany.org/showmance

copy/pasting the list below for quick reference...

1.) Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders (directed Stewart in 2012’s Snow White and the Huntsman)
2.) Milla Jovovich and Paul W.S. Anderson (Anderson directed Jovovich in Resident Evil)
3.) Kate Beckinsale and Len Wiseman (directed her in 2003’s Underworld)
4.) Kate Capshaw and Steven Spielberg (Spielberg cast Capshaw in 1984’s Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom)
5.) Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter (directed her in remake of Planet of the Apes)
6.) Joel Coen and Frances McDormand (met while casting first feature film, Blood Simple, in 1984)
7.) Woody Allen and his leading ladies (Louise Lasser, Diane Keaton, Mia Farrow)
8.) Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor (In 1999, Stiller directed Taylor in the unaired pilot episode of a FOX sci-fi comedy with Jack Black and Owen Wilson called “Heat Vision and Jack.”)
9.) Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes (called in Winslet to audition for an upcoming production)
10.) Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann (directed in The Cable Guy)
11.) Cate Blanchett and Andrew Upton (Playwright/Screenwriter/Director) (on the set of the film Thank God He Met Lizzie)
12.) Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller (Playwright/Screenwriter) (on the set of 1951’s As Young as You Feel)
13.) James Cameron (Screenwriter/Director) and his leading ladies (Linda Hamilton and Suzy Amis)
first Terminator film left wife for his producer Gale Anne Hurd. Divorced 2nd wife for Linda Hamilton who starred in future Terminator movies. Left Kathryn Bigelow because he was having an affair with actress Suzy Amis who he cast in Titanic.
14.) Federico Fellini (Screenwriter/Director) and Giulietta Masina (cast in La Strada and Nights of Cabiria)
15.) David Mamet (Playwright/Screenwriter/Director) and his leading ladies (Lindsay Crouse and Rebecca Pidgeon)
16.) Charlie Chaplin (Filmmaker)and Lita Grey (was in his 1921 film, The Kid)
17.) Anton Chekhov (Playwright/Author/Physician) and Olga Knipper (met during rehearsals for THE SEAGULL in 1898)
18.) Eugene O’Neill (Playwright) and Carlotta Monterey (cast in THE HAIRY APE, in 1922)
19.) Blake Edwards (Screenwriter/Director) and Julie Andrews (cast her in his film Darling Lili)
20.) Neil Simon (Screenwriter/Playwright) and Marsha Mason (met on THE GOOD DOCTOR in 1973)
21.) Roman Polanski (Screenwriter/Director) and Emmanuelle Seigner (met while filming 1988’s Frantic)
22.) Amy Brenneman and Brad Silberling (Director) (first got to know each other on the set of “NYPD Blue” in 1993)
23.) Helen Mirren and Taylor Hackford (Director) (met on White Nights in 1985)
24.) Julianne Moore and Bart Freundlich (Screenwriter/Director) (fell in love with Bart Freundlich during the filming of The Myth of Fingerprints)
25.) Peter Bogdanovich (Screenwriter/Director) and Cybill Shepherd (cast her in 1971’s The Last Picture Show)
26.) Ellen Barkin and Sam Levinson (Screenwriter/Director) (met director Sam Levinson while filming 2010’s Operation: Endgame)
 
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This hasn't happened to me but I can certainly see where you're coming from. It isn't every day that women that are beautiful (such as actresses are) tell you you're great, ask advice, hug, hang on your every word on set and just generally pay attention to you (at least not to me!). Who wouldn't fall in love with any woman who does that? I have seen some actresses in casting that are smokin'! Not to mention, smart and creative....pine....

I think it comes down to some important questions:

Is this a serious budgeted project or is it a indie, a few friends making a movie kind of deal?

Are you the nerdiest/weirdest/it's all about the art/dork filmmaker dude ever, or close? (No offense intended)

Would this chick be out of your league outside of this film, if you met her at the supermarket, and tried to woo her?
 
It is easy to fall in love with actresses, for crying out loud. Everybody from the key grip to the other lead actor is falling in love with that actress. Actresses are generous and beautiful and what you think is happening ain't. So if I were you, I'd get my gaze out of my navel and put it back on that monitor where it belongs and finish your darn project.
 
It's not unprofessional, it's just a fact of life. I've lost count of the number of times it happens, and to be honest, nobody gives a damn as long as it doesn't impact on the production. The few times it has, it's come down to me to make sure the parties realise the effect it's having and in every case, it became a non-event!

In most cases, it's lust - and love may come later. If, as it often happens, the relation ship doesn't last, then those two people rarely work well together again. Some can cope, most can't.

If it floats your boat, get on with it. It's even funnier if the couple have no idea everyone knows, but of course, they always do. Budget has no bearing at all - the only critical thing is to make sure the production doesn't suffer. I think people have been at it in every production I've done - not always at the top of the heirachy, but I've often been the last person present, waiting with the keys while people, er, congratulate each other! Plenty of well known faces too! I've even had to head off a leading mans wife who arrived unexpectedly while he was er, engaged with one of the younger ladies!
 
Of course it's unprofessional. We're talking about getting emotionally involved with a co-worker. That's pretty much the definition of unprofessional.
In this case it's even worse, because there's an employee/employer relationship between director and actor, especially on an indie film where the director has more influence.

It's a bad idea. Don't do it. You have to be above that as a director.
 
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In therapy, the patient usually thinks he/she's in love with the therapist for a period of time. Therapists are trained to recognize this and respond accordingly--that is, not letting the emotions develop. Abuse of this gets your license removed.

A movie set has a similar power balance, and so infatuations often develop. I wouldn't say "falling in love" is automatically unprofessional, unless it interferes with the work. But! For almost all humans, it -will- interfere with the work. That's the problem.

The workplace is quickly becoming the new place couples meet each other. A film set is unique, but arguably the terms are shorter and so you have less risk to work with. But... if you're the director, you just shouldn't. Everybody will resent you once it becomes clear that the film isn't the most important thing on set.

She's also not into you. Well, nothing you've said has indicated anything of the sort, at least. Your male actors are probably acting the same way to you. That is the job.

Now, forgive me for this strangest piece of advice ever shared on DVXuser: I heard that a monk strategy to curb feelings of lust is to try to really understand the object of desire for what it really is--so picturing his/her lungs, mucus, veins, kidneys, etc. along with everything else. This may take the edge off.
 
radiohead said:
...I've fallen in love with one but she's in a serious relationship already.
Click to expand...

This alone should be the end of the discussion. I'm not saying it's a perfect world and people don't have affairs, I'm not naive, but as a professional, the last thing you want to do is be the Other Guy. If the girl was single, it'd be fine as long as you and her were able to remain professional about it. But she's not. So there's absolutely no way to remain professional about it. If you show your crew that you're the kind of guy who's willing to destroy a serious relationship for his own selfish desires, they'll never trust you again. If you can live with that, go for it. But it's not going to make you happy. Let it go. If you really want to be professional and move on, but you're having trouble doing so because of your feelings for this actress, it's as simple as working with other beautiful women, who are kind, and generous, fun, etc. Just put yourself in situations where she's not the only beautiful girl around, and you'll naturally mitigate your feelings for her, which will allow you to remain professional, and more importantly, her to continue with her relationship unharassed.

-EMB

Internet forums aren't a great place to go if you're just looking for reassurance that what you're doing is right, even if you know it isn't.
 
Sage-like advice that gets me through the day: if Kristen Stewart is doing it, it's okay me.

follow your heart!
 
Sounds like the OP wants affirmation. That's the only reason I can see him posting about it here. Maybe it would be more appropriate over on "Dear Abby".
 
I didn't catch that she was in a relationship already.

Absolutely do not. This is makes you terribly unprofessional and makes it more obvious she only likes you as a co-worker. Sorry.
 
There are a lot of things Id like to type here - much of it you probably wouldnt want to hear so I'll simplify this terribly - The only thing Id say to you as the director - if you really have feelings for this young lady, they will still be there once the production is done.
 
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