Death of someone you know, series of shorts

SCHEN

SCHEN

Active member
Long time lurker. First time poster. Working on a series of 1 or 2 minute shorts. Subject is the brains final moments (after death) and what may take place, memories, time travel etc. Other than the annoying soap pump distraction. I seek constructive crit. Thanks. And I do plan on changing "people" to "someone" in the title.

www.afilthproduction.com/dosyk.wmv
 
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Image's look good, but raw. They desperately seek some color grading. They have potential to look A LOT better. I'd take a screengrab and show you what I mean, but I'm running late and gotta go.

Somebody show him what I'm talking about...

-brown
 
Yeah. Ive been told it looks a little......blah. I put it at about 50 percent b/w and desaturated all but red. Because the next segment contains blood, and I thought the blood might look nice with those settings. BUT I would love to see some other peoples take on the color correction.
 
SCHEN said:
WOW! thanks!..............................for nothing.
Click to expand...

HA!

Yeah, I've noticed lately there's a LOT of footage coming along without any responses. People need to remember that we're all here to help out, so POST COMMENTS, PEOPLE!!

I'll try and do something with your footage to show you what I meant, but I'm in the middle of a project (rendering in the background right now).

If I don't get to it within a couple days, PM me as a reminder.

-brown
 
Thanks. I'm sure eveyones got stuff going on, I really do appreciate people taking time to voice there opinions. Im slowly getting over the intimidation factor here, everyone does seem to be very CONSTRUCTIVE, which is great. But even if you'd like to take a moment to say....... "that sucks" go for it.
 
My stomach dropped a little... That being said, It worked. The music suited the footage. I get it. I agree with what Brown said. You throw a little color at that footage... Maybe even squash the blacks and you'll have yourself a winner... I'm a bit ticked that I didn't think of that as a concept. Great Job... Keep it up, can't wait to see more.
I'm going to PM you with an idea you may want to consider for another quick Death of Someone You Know
 
Ok here goes. I think it's not very convincing, you need the actor/yourself to show more emotion (crying, screaming, doing drugs, something). :) I love the choice of music, the timing of your shots is good as well. Your first shot was out of focus, and very like you say "blah". I would crush the blacks a bit, add contrast, etc.. Maybe add a different conflict in with it. Maybe something like the boys mom/dad, girlfriend, sister, approaching the door and .... Something to build up the scene. Anyway you're off to a great start and keep them coming. ;)
 
yeah, i too find the color not exactly where it should be. Slightly too washed out for my taste. Pop in some contrast and crush those blacks a touch. Might add something to it.
 
I agree that it's too washed out, kind of making it look less an intentional effect and more like the camera just wasn't balanced or bad lighting. I like the shot choices though so just work on something else for your CC. I'd agree also with the suggestions to beef up the story with more hints at why this person has reached this pint.

sjc


*edited for grammar!*
 
Thank you all for the feedback, I really do appreciate it.
I am going to be reshooting and adding more depth to the story, and hopefully help convey the story/emotions of this persons situation.

Here is the original with some CC. Keep in mind I am reshooting and simply wanted to know if my CC was at least heading in the right direction, thanks.
www.afilthproduction.com/dosykcc.wmv
 
I liked a lot of your shots. Very Close, very claustrophobic. The rack focus to the blade he was holding was a very nice shot. I agree with the comments about playing around with the color. I liked a lot that you left the viewer hanging and didn't show himself cutting himself at the end. It's one of those things that a lot of people try to do that just ends up looking fake. If i see one more shot of thick pasty coolaid, getting watered down with a running sink, i think ill attempt to shoot the shot for real (with someone elses arm ofcourse).

If there is one thing that i think is hurting this peice is by far the music. By just pasting a song over the shots, i think you are dropping about 75% of all the emotion. I wanted to hear him breathing, trying to slow down his breath but getting more nervous as the blade gets closer. As he fumbles with the mirror and box cutter i want to hear those things rattle from his nervous ment, i want to hear the blade slide out. I want to hear the water running.

I think with shots so tight, sound would be absolutely crucial.

I hope any of that helps as you reshoot.

Also i just watched this clip on ebaumsworld yesterday. It was all i could think about while watching yours.

http://emuse.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/15069
 
Yeah the music will be nixed as soon as I invest in a mic. (any suggestions) I tried with the on cam mic. but was left wanting better.
Trust me, when I reshoot there will be NO nail polish. The last thing I want is comparison to some tweenage trend like emo.
 
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