SHORT: Daedrym

J

JFP

Member
Hey, just finished a new short. As you watch the film you'll see that practical effects and "tricks" was an element that we focused on while shooting this short. Please let me know what you think, and if you have any questions. Thanks.



Shot on Canon HV30
Rode VideoMic
Avid Media Composer
 
Ill bite. Your shots are ok, the opening shot is decent. Shots in the bathroom could use maybe some DOF to distract from your lack of lighting equipment or from the tiny bathroom itself. Id say your shots themselves are ok, but i see your running into lots of the same problems i did when i was starting out. Mostly due to lighting.

Now the practical effects shots you had, i did like them. Particularly the floating along the ground, nicely done.

The writing however is whats lacking the most. Your intro is long, almost half the film. Nothing seems to be really happening till you see your main character in front of the coffee table. Even then, its a little unclear what the story is or where its going. You sorta clean it up in the end, but it feels almost like one of those long jokes that has a chuckle of a punch line.

I think editing could tighten this up and take a minute or so off and it would run a little cleaner.

Please dont take this as harsh, i mean every word of it to be constructive.

the most important thing is your out there making films and we are watching them. I did like what your story had to say in the end sorta, just think it took you a while to get there.

Lets work a little more on writing next time, and see what you can come up with. I think your actors are ok, so you should have everything you need to work with.

Also, the hV30 is a plenty capable camera.

For a great example of just how capable, check out one of my favorite no budget films of all time called Plague that was shot with one

http://vimeo.com/6407379
 
Thanks for the input, I agree that more time and prep could have produced a far better end result. But for this we just picked up the camera and went with it. So yes the writing, or in this case no writing at all could definitely be improved on.

I look forward to your input on the next one, and hopefully we can keep getting better.
 
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