SHORT: Cupcake - Short on teen Prostitution (gh4 Panasonic)

S

SuperbadDuke

Member
Hi everyone. This is my first post as I am totally new here. I wanted to share my short film, which i am trying to turn into a feature film. It is loosely based on a true story about teenage prostitution. It takes place towards the end of the feature I am writing. Love any questions and feedback.

thanks

https://youtu.be/H4miE8tuMyg
 
charliemcdanger said:
If there's a line between art and pornography, you probably stepped over it.
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Thank you!! :) I guess I succeeded in what I was trying to do. Even though I am fairly sure you didn't mean it as a compliment. Nevertheless, thanks for your comments and taking the time out to watch it.
 
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hello. sad you get only one answer here. maybe to much gear to discuss to speak about storytelling. i m gonna give you some feedback, working actually on a script not so far from this subject. i ve got some problems with your film. not about pornograpy like charliemcdanger said because of course there is no pg in your film but in a certain regard it have something in common with pg but it is with your script and not the pictures. i found that the subject (teen prostitution like you said it is) is treated in surface . in fact it is not a subject but more a background. if you would talk about this subject you might not have put some of those caricatural characters (talking about mac and client) . despite it deserve the story it deserve your intentions. the story might have work your actors could have but what the script is telling them to play is too "big". you put a triple murder in it... you have a sexual pervert that is the client and he is a murderer too... you have a maccro and he commit two murder and he has a shotgun too... and he has six prostitutes and a baby over the same roof... and there is blood and cash in a shoes box and...ok stop ! where could we find all of this elements except in a movie ? that my friend is what makes your 10 min short film unrealistic and that is also where the pornography is in your film. photography is not the problem. talents are not the problem . blood and fight and shotguns are not "good" enough but i wouldn t have laught after them if the whole story was way more realistic. First problem is story so is scripting : you play with big effects but have nothing to say, welcome on youtube ! please do not take it bad. next time write and read... and read again and get out to streets to look what life is about. cheers
 
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inefab said:
hello. sad you get only one answer here. maybe to much gear to discuss to speak about storytelling. i m gonna give you some feedback, working actually on a script not so far from this subject. i ve got some problems with your film. not about pornograpy like charliemcdanger said because of course there is no pg in your film but in a certain regard it have something in common with pg but it is with your script and not the pictures. i found that the subject (teen prostitution like you said it is) is treated in surface . in fact it is not a subject but more a background. if you would talk about this subject you might not have put some of those caricatural characters (talking about mac and client) . despite it deserve the story it deserve your intentions. the story might have work your actors could have but what the script is telling them to play is too "big". you put a triple murder in it... you have a sexual pervert that is the client and he is a murderer too... you have a maccro and he commit two murder and he has a shotgun too... and he has six prostitutes and a baby over the same roof... and there is blood and cash in a shoes box and...ok stop ! where could we find all of this elements except in a movie ? that my friend is what makes your 10 min short film unrealistic and that is also where the pornography is in your film. photography is not the problem. talents are not the problem . blood and fight and shotguns are not "good" enough but i wouldn t have laught after them if the whole story was way more realistic. First problem is story so is scripting : you play with big effects but have nothing to say, welcome on youtube ! please do not take it bad. next time write and read... and read again and get out to streets to look what life is about. cheers
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Thanks for your comments. AlthoughI had an extremely difficult time understanding most of what you were trying to say. PS, it was loosely based on true story, so I am not certain your comments about unrealism would square with that. In any event, thanks so much. Would love to see your script and film about the same subject matter.
 
First of all, you got out there and you made something. That's more than most do. In terms of the script, I thought it was good. I don't disagree with the points that it was more ambitious than what you were able to convincingly pull off, but I actually thought you did a good job. It's a polemic subject. I can gather that it was a story you were moved by and I think you show empathy but also are a realist. I was not a fan of the grade and some of the angles felt a bit too straight forward. The framing and movement could have contained more of the emotional tone of the piece from moment to moment, but it felt like you were just covering the action.

But all in all, congrats! You should know that you might get some backlash based on the subject matter, the nudity and the violence, but for me, it didn't feel gratuitous. It felt like you were trying to honestly tackle this complex subject. Perhaps you may not have fulfilled your mission 100%, but you tried...and you did white well in my opinion. Keep at it. And remember, you have to fail and succeed on your own terms.
 
abreu-canedo said:
First of all, you got out there and you made something. That's more than most do. In terms of the script, I thought it was good. I don't disagree with the points that it was more ambitious than what you were able to convincingly pull off, but I actually thought you did a good job. It's a polemic subject. I can gather that it was a story you were moved by and I think you show empathy but also are a realist. I was not a fan of the grade and some of the angles felt a bit too straight forward. The framing and movement could have contained more of the emotional tone of the piece from moment to moment, but it felt like you were just covering the action.

But all in all, congrats! You should know that you might get some backlash based on the subject matter, the nudity and the violence, but for me, it didn't feel gratuitous. It felt like you were trying to honestly tackle this complex subject. Perhaps you may not have fulfilled your mission 100%, but you tried...and you did white well in my opinion. Keep at it. And remember, you have to fail and succeed on your own terms.
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THANKS!! REALLY appreciate the CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. That is what I was looking for. Yes, did I accomplish what I set out to do? No, not in the slightest and I have a laundry list of things I would do different. Did the movie turn out well? Sure. But it could have been much better. Hard to tackle prostitution and leave out any sexual content and even nudity without cheating the viewer. Maybe because I am no fan of people hiding sexual scenes to stay PG. The story was actually based on a story I saw a show so i tried to stay as true to what I remembered as possible, but in the end I made it to just show a glimpse of what i wanted to do with a feature, which would obviously include all the character and relationship development which is next to impossible to do in a short film.

I agree with you on your points. Initially it was written to be much darker in terms of lighting etc, but we changed location last minute, and ended up with a super bright bare apartment with white walls, which affected the way it ended up looking. The mood fit better later in the film at the second location. Also, I did EVERYTHING by myself, so some of the shots etc, felt a little rushed and wish I had more time to spend on setting up shots. But again, that can also just come down to personal taste.

And by the way, I don't mind criticism at all. Provided it is constructive so I may learn from it.

THANKS SO MUCH for taking the time out and leaving notes. I will be sure to remember that and give you notes on any projects you show :)
 
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