Critique needed on comedic scene....

Lol the last two guys in the car are so stereotypical I guess thats what you want in a scene with the dialogue they are using. Whilst theres some lighting issues... I still feel on both the car and diner scene they are just dragged out. You could cut the car scene in half, use the first half of them talking about the movies which I liked a lot.

I could see something in the diner scene, but it felt like you were really going for a Tarantino scene, did someone mention his name before shooting? Seemed the blue shirt guy got it in his head from somewhere, maybe pulling his performance too hard in that direction. Agree with most that the scene was just way too long, You could cut it back to only include the start and the celery dialogue was ok. The girl coming oveer and saying I dont mean to interupt... Im waiting for my boyfriend... was like umm well why come over, I think comedy can rise from conflict also, I just felt she should go straight for the throat, maybe then also the remorse when she comes back holds more weight. After this scene I would find it just wierd that she would bother coming back and saying anything to these guys, because they clearly had the upper hand and she was week. Like they say if the dialogue isnt dramatic CUT IT.
 
Some funny parts, but it's a little long. Some of the stuff at the beginning should be cut. It also appears that you broke the 180 degree rule.
 
ah hah! You noticed! I was very careful about that. I thought I did an okay job of weasiling my way around the line. But good catch.
 
I probably only caught the 180 rule because I have been really watching movies recently to try to learn from the moves and framing I see from the 'pros'. I don't think most people would notice. I've also seen some rules broken for no apparent reason from Hollywood as well.
 
I was watching Cold Case on HD Cable a few days ago and they broke the 180 degree rule. They introduced a new person into a conversation and changed the line, no probs there, but then cut a shot of someone sitting in a chair listening but on the previous line which sent the sequence out of whack. Didnt work.
 
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