Critique My Opening Scene, Please!

[KeithK]

Well first off, I like the problem you throw at the protagonist where the life of the father is at risk, and the son has to take over the business amid stressful times. That caught my attention because the stakes went up. I also thought you did a good job presenting Jason during the scene.

All I'm saying for the first scene is that it should be touched up a bit so the scene won't seem like a common family dinner. It needs to be more interesting than that. Try expressing the characters more visually and make it clear who the protagonist is for the audience.

I guess its hard to have a hero at dinner. I'm not seeing how to do this. How can I make my hero look heroic at dinner, without doing something cheesy like putting out a grease fire and saving the house or something. I would appreciate an example on how this could be expressed. I thought I had tried to drop hints at that with Jacob coming off as a polite, respectful, responsible young man and when taken in contrast with his brother Jason, I think he looks all the better. But you're saying you're not feeling it, so that means I have not made it as pronounced as it needs to be. What kind of clues can I pepper the scene with to get that across? :dankk2: