Cosmic Pinball

[Horncastle]

You had a nice idea and you kept me reading, so that's the main thing. You did have quite a lot of format/language problems but these have been covered by others already. The only thing I would add is that the confession at the end sounded to me as though Jason was telling a tall story to get Mason's attention away from the pinball machine. I thought the "pee in the butt" bit was to get Mason so mad that the world would be saved. So no, it didn't sound like a twin brother's genuine confession.
Jason

 

[thartley]

You had a really great story and then you threw it away, in my opinion with the ending. Nothing a slight re-write can't fix, though.