COMPLETED - WORST CASE SENARIO, Avatuar

avatuar

avatuar

Well-known member
Alright guys, this was shot in two Saturdays, 5 hrs. a day for a total of 10 hours. Most of which time I spent arguing with people about how to shoot it because I didn't write it. It was just not screen friendly and appearantly it's hard to tell people who aren't in the art of making movies, why certain things needed to be changed (to make sense!). Needless to say we got rushed. There's a couple of rough cuts and the audio has a few blips, but it was a great learning experience, taught me a lot about what needs to happen before and during my next film!

The one thing I don't care for in the internet version of the render is how washed out it looks. On TV it is so much more vivid, but enough excuses outta me here's the link...

AS ALWAYS, MAKE SURE TO LEAVE YOUR 2 CENTS :)

http://www.oasisdesignstudios.com/WCS.htm
 
I liked it. That is one hot girl....damn

I couldnt stop laughing when i heard TPS reports.

The sound was really good. What kind of mic did you use?
 
For this I used a couple of different mics in different scenes. The sound from the outside of the cafe and the park scenes I used a Oktava MK-219. For the office and dream sequence scenes I used a Sennheiser shotgun mic, ME 66. For the broken down car scene all those sfx were added from wind, door, footsteps and hood latch.

CC is almost non-existent. The office scene is the only one I messed with because it was more orange then it was blue and I wanted a cold uncomfortable feeling there.
 
good flow. I enjoyed the transition between teh bum and the manager in the office. very creative, did you write it yourself?
 
LoL that was the controversy we had. It was originally written as a script but it wasn't screen friendly. I didn't write all of it, but the bum wasn't even in the original script. I just gave it some TLC and added all of the transitions which weren't originally there.
 
that looked great. especially the part where the girl's car broke down. the audio sounded good, but the music was really loud compared to the dialogue. other than that, nice job!
 
Composition and color was good on most of the shots...did notice some shaky camera work on the bench establishing shot....and when the cam gradually lowered. A few of the shots felt out of place also (close up of the nam bum....the zooming in n out, the zoom in on the smoking engine to the cig didn't work well for me) Could use a little tightening up.
 
Congratulations on making this, anyone that gets up off their ass and goes out and makes a film deserves congratulating. I'd like to make a few comments if I may, as I say to anyone when I look at their work this is my opinion, for what it's worth.

There are some great shots some nice performances and overall a simple piece of narrative.

But overall I think the narrative doesn't flow as smothley as it could, it has a nice linear idea running through the film but i think in the middle part it loses way a bit. It took me a couple of viewings and another look at the title to understand it. Most of your audience won't have the luxury of sitting down and looking at it again.

I think it has been said before that the mmm's and soo's in the beginning dialogue seem a liitle over palyed I think I remember you saying you were trying to get over they were nervous, fair enough but I don't think we really act like this in real life maybe only on TV. It would have been nice to find a little insight to how we react when nervous.

Second shot in, the wide in the park there was little bump or waver when the moved started, this is going to show even more the larger you watch this. Also I felt the shot was a bit wide to establish him; and he was in the shadows. He sits down puts both arms on bench and then you action cut close and he's only got one arm on the bench and he's no longer in the shadows.

Okay he's on the bench checking his watch 'she's late" when we cut to her she doesn't seem in that much of a hurry "I've got to be somewhere this afternoon" she says, Girl you're late, you got to be somewhere now.

When we cut to our lead lady breaking down is this happening now, has it happened earlier, is this a dream why is she in different wardrobe too many questions not answered. (Okay I realise now he's imagining it)

When the tramp talks to our lead man on the bench the two shot establishes the physical relationship the tramp is about three inches taller than our lead man. Cutting to the POV of the man he has now grown 6 inches and is taller.

Okay next he imagines two more scenarios (I'm getting it the more times I watch it) two very different looks, I think these add to my confusion, you even flick between saturated and normal in the same knocking over scenario. I think you should have one look for reality and one for his imagined scenarios it might tighten thing up.

Lastly whenthey meet at the end when did she have time to change?

Okay they're my comments, as I said only my opinion. I think you could tighten the whole thing up by simplifying it.
 
hey guys thanks for the comments so far. Yeah I know about the shakiness thats for a $30 tripod from the farmers market. I didn't have my fluid head available the first day of shooting:( If I would have been able to have full directional control over everything on the entrie shoot it would all go a lot more smoothly. As for going from dream sequence to reality I wanted it to start out more realistic and then fold more and more dream like as the film unfolds. So your going "is that real?", and then "oh I guess it wasn't." "This guy is parranoid" and then finally topped with an "oh shiot she just got hit by a car!.... oh wait I'm an idiot he imagined that too." The mere fact that you were able to figure out that it was all imagined makes me feel good.:)
 
My one critique that hasn't been mentioned yet is that when she breaks down and clams her car door, the sound is off, the door makes a sound before it closes, move it just a tad.

Congrats on pulling something together though, its always tough.
 
Nice work Avatuar. Getting them made!
Just a few comments
Good storytelling, nice transitions/ references between scenes.
Good lighting, assuming you had some boards outside?
The edit.
The cut from the jib/ crane just a tad longer to smooth into next shot??
First scene edits stand out to me for some reason. Just a little jagged.
Nice tracking sequences. Only that slow-zoom always looks bad. I would have liked some crashes instead. Also mixing that steadier wide when he looks over towards car, too static cuts up the flow (although blocking and framing is good, it’s a good standalone shot)
Another hot babe!
Wanted just a little more from the ending, started to have a final destination feel to it.
Pacing of fades on accident really started the tension. Maybe shorter on her or all the same pace as the driver.
Looks good. Well told. Nicely acted (tramp…ummm)
Great work fella.
J.P.
 
One cut hurt my brain a bit. Long shot of broken down car, she steps all the way out of car....CUT TO close up of door opening and her stepping out all the way again. Tweak that edit and your are golden. Hope the picky eye helps.
 
Damn, I have to say it looks really good. For the most parts your cutting were really on the mark. But there was something off in the movie. The director of the movie I'm shooting right now IM'd me and told me to watch it, cause he saw it and said he liked it but wasnt sure what was missing.
What I can tell is that you were right all along. The script didnt seem to work for a movie. I've read short stories before that have me wanting to make a movie about it, but once I begin to visualize it I see it coming up short. Some stories only work when you read them. Sphere, Congo?
Anyway (as opposed to anyways) just want ot cap it off by saying that I was really entertained by the short, but when it finished, it left me wanting more. Like it ended in the 2nd act of 3 act movie.
And those are my 2¢.
-Justin
 
hey thanks toilet, jp, just, and crazy. Im getting better at the whole editing process it's a tad difficult shooting everything with one cam and then tacking it together like frankenstein though. As for the jib shots I know they're rough but I built the whole thing for about $35 bucks and I havn't put bushings or bearings in it yet so the thing is grinding on the drilled metal crap, which is nice and bumpy. CRAZY! I can't believe out of all the times I have watched it I never caught the door all the way open and then opening again omg, I feel like an idiot lol. Gonna have to run more stuff by you in the future. As for the script well... it is a short I guess it's good in a way it left you wanting more. I kow it would have flowed better with more time and a frikin STORYBOARD! Yeah we didn't have one on set definitly dumb, but we learn and move on:) Stay tuned guys I am about to shoot an action/adventure feature.... this should be fun.:) KEEP THE COMMENTS COMN'!
 
What was that!!??? I realy like the image and the sound. She was great, but... WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT... i mean, he just dreams and then... nothing... i think it has serius problems with the script.
 
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