SHORT: "Checkout"

jaredr

New member
Jacob is left on line at the grocery store while his dad goes to look for paper towels, and quickly begins to panic when he realizes he doesn't have any money to pay.

Would love to hear thoughts/comments! Thanks!

 
Edit: Very good.
Writing: Some funny beats but uneven. The end strikes me as non sequitur.
Acting: Extras seem aware of the camera. The kid is a kid, so I won't criticize there. But...
Lighting: The flood fluorescent lighting isn't ideal, but I can imagine the practical difficulties fixing this.
Misc: Suddenly he's is in a long line, suddenly there's no one in front of him, suddenly there's no one behind him. It doesn't feel like he's in a crowded store; it feels like he's in a movie shoot that's trying very hard to look like a crowded store.

Overall viewing experience: At around 2m30s, I thought, this isn't funny enough to justify six minutes. I took a break, later watched the rest.

Thanks for sharing, hope this is useful.
 
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