Celery - Diner Scene

Mike Manning

Mike Manning

Well-known member
Hey guys, I haven't posted in a while..been real busy with school and work.
We finally finished "Celery" (for those of you who remember that little project), although...music and sound mixing are still in the works. Some pretty awesome stuff has been going down - through a project set up by an alumni from my school, I'll be going to next year's Cannes festival and "Celery" will play in the student part of the festival.
Anywho, I posted this scene a while ago...it was about 11 mins at the time...and I was widely criticized for it's length. Here is it's latest rendition, cut to a more modest 6 and a half minutes. I hope it's funnier now, but I'll let you be the judge. Thanks, Merry Christmas!

The New and Improved Diner Scene (6:26 mins, Quicktime required)
 
I can't imagine what this scene would have been like at 11 minutes. Excruciating seems about right though.

I'm glad you cut it down, but I still didn't like it. Maybe it's just me, but the acting was contrived, and so was the dialogue. It reminded me of a very amateur Kevin Smith ripoff, and that's not good for me, since I don't like Kevin Smith movies. I feel like you could still cut several minutes off of this scene, as none of the dialogue seems to lend itself to the plot, but serves more as filler, though that may be because the scene is out of context.

It's nice technically though, sometimes. Your tracking and jib shots are pretty smooth, and the lighting is even.

Is this really going to be showing at Cannes?
 
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Wow, say what you really think! Haha, cool though, thanks for the imput. The scene is out of context and we cut down so that the conversation is more plot driven. I will go through it again and see what else can go - but as of right now I'm pretty happy with it. I guess there's not much I can say about the performances, other that that I auditioned the actors (who are SAG eligible) and that that's what I wanted to see from them. So I guess that's just a difference in taste. Thanks again for the comment!

Oh and yes, this is really going to be at Cannes.
 
I just watched it, and remember this little project from awhile ago, and it's definitely an improvement. Like stated above, it's not really my taste, but on the other hand I'll bet there's plenty of people that'll like it just as it is.

I'd hold off on making any more serious cuts untill you've heard more responses from the crowd.

I'd get more thourough, but I'm late and don't have the time. In the next couple days I'll watch it again and give it a go.

-brown
 
the cinematography and lighting was good. although i have to admit, i didn't laugh at all. it seemed as thought the script was trying very hard to be clerks little bother and trying to be funny yet it was never able to pull it off, and alot of the dialogue just seemed distasteful and unecessary. then again, this isn't my type of movie but i know people that would probably love it.
 
Heh... If it makes you feel any better, I don't think I know anyone who would like it. :D

Sorry, had to say it.
 
i would say your biggest weakness is your actors. Although they may deliver the lines in a way which does not sound fake, they come across as unimportant to them. They seem to find a styalistic choice in their character which i find makes all their desires and want not important nor seen as a necessity for them. Their needs to be a clear goal for them, which their is, but i dont feel as if they really want it. They need to tone it down a bit.
 
hmm...it was fine to me...though i agree with "does it serve the plot"...you're in an age where there either needs to be an explosion, sexploitation, crude joke, the "f" bomb, or some tasteless prank every few minutes to keep somebody's attention. have you had a test screening of the whole production?
 
i tought technically it was well done, and i thought the actors did a pretty decent job, but i think your problems are in the script. the dialogue was kind of going nowhere and the characters came off like two rejects. i didnt get the concept or how the title had anything to do with the story other then it being thrown in one of the actors lines before the ending. i dont think cutting it down will help any because nothing really happens at the end and there's no real payoff or punchline once it's over.

the brunette was a cutie though ;) really the only reason i kept watching.
 
novelt said:
have you had a test screening of the whole production?
Click to expand...

Yeah I did a screening with a bunch of students in my film class...
As a whole, they all felt the movie was pretty strong. The only real qualm they had was that this scene ran a little long (out of a 33min film, the scene was 10mins!). Having cut it down to the bare essentials, the film feels less divided between "this scene" and the rest.
I'll admit that the film is very esoteric, and it's a little unfair to show this scene out of context. I find it interesting, though, that most of the critiques involve the performance and style - all of which was very intentional.
Regardless, keep the feedback coming!
 
if the scene was originally taking up one third of the production then it needs to really play into or develop the story as a whole. else it's one long filler. i for one am not going to denegrate your actors performances. who am i to say they did something wrong? they gave you what you wanted, am i to second guess your decisions? granted there are a lot of good suggestions here, but what should really matter to you is how the common "non-filmmaker" views it.

my only concern could be the length, but more importantly there were times that niether character was speaking. in radio that's dead air and it's a no-no. though i can't tell you how long a beat or pause is not knowing the script or context of the scene. just to me the pauses would happen and i'd expect something to happen, but instead more dialouge and really not saying anything funny. but that's just me...i'd have a pause and then maybe a "your mom" just to catch people off guard or something...you don't have to do that, but maybe shorten the beats...don't think you can edit that though...hmmm...maybe a cutaway j or l cut that way no one sees the edit. one character is speaking, cutaway, hear the change of dialouge, even overlap, and then cut back to the actors.

overall though as i said before it was fine. have you peaked my interest? somewhat maybe a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10 :) i'm a big sci-fi guy, but good looking ladies always peak my interest so 8 to 9 :grin:
 
My opinion is that the guy in the blue shirt should have been told, "Bring the energy down about 50%."

He was overacting. The girls were pretty good and the guy in the white shirt did a good job as well. But the guy in the blue shirt was acting, and that's a dead giveaway.

Technically it was very nice though.
 
I agree with aurantaurant. I watched it and was like, ok, this isn't that bad but there is something about it that I couldn't put my finger on and it was bothering me quite a bit. I watched it again, and couldn't help but jsut be annoyed by the guy in the blue shirt.
 
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