MiataFilmSomething
Well-known member
I already have a vision of what I'm imagining this to look like, but I'm going to wait until I read it and see if I'm right. Looks pretty cool!
Candy - Noel Evans
- Thread starter Noel Evans
- Start date
Hehe, I dont think it will really be what anyone expects. I think the poster really only fits one scene.
Nektonic
Veteran
So there isn't a big shootout with hot chicks firing off Tommy guns? Darn Noel, you just ruined my Christmas:crybaby:
Hey, I said nothing about there not being a shoot out. 
krestofre
Knight of the Holy Order
Good script over all. Lots of nice action pieces. Good characters. We simultaneously think that Candy is the baddest mofo chick on the planet, but also see her as a sympathetic character, which is tricky to pull off.
***Spoilers***
The only part that troubled me was that she left the apartment with her brother at the mercy of the thugs. That didn't seem like her character at all. Changing that would alter the rest of the script significantly, but as a reader that troubled me. Candy seems like the kind of person who would have figured out a way to get both of them out, or die trying.
***Spoilers***
The only part that troubled me was that she left the apartment with her brother at the mercy of the thugs. That didn't seem like her character at all. Changing that would alter the rest of the script significantly, but as a reader that troubled me. Candy seems like the kind of person who would have figured out a way to get both of them out, or die trying.
Mike Manning
Well-known member
I agree... I was confused why she found it sufficient to lay him behind the couch while she went and locked herself in the bathroom and escape...
I feel like there could have been a better way to have James kidnapped so that Candy had more to do in that scenario then run and hide... and crash at a motel for the night.
In fact, now that I think about it more... I think a lot of her actions in the middle are unmotivated/confusing. Like, where is she going when she loads her gun and leaves James? And like, she steps out side... gets knocked out... and then they bring her back upstairs... it feels like there could have been something more dynamic going on there.
I feel like there could have been a better way to have James kidnapped so that Candy had more to do in that scenario then run and hide... and crash at a motel for the night.
In fact, now that I think about it more... I think a lot of her actions in the middle are unmotivated/confusing. Like, where is she going when she loads her gun and leaves James? And like, she steps out side... gets knocked out... and then they bring her back upstairs... it feels like there could have been something more dynamic going on there.
Thanks for reading and giving your thoughts.
CallaghanFilms
Veteran
I really dug it, Noel. Well played:beer:
I swear I though I was reading a lost scene from Sin City (¬¬compliment).
***SPOILER ALERT***
Favorite Line:
"You sound like a duck that met another duck and shoved the other duck up its arse. poo pooin painful."
I also plotzed over this bit of Action:
"The spittle now runs red" (very nicely said.)
I swear I though I was reading a lost scene from Sin City (¬¬compliment).
***SPOILER ALERT***
Favorite Line:
"You sound like a duck that met another duck and shoved the other duck up its arse. poo pooin painful."
I also plotzed over this bit of Action:
"The spittle now runs red" (very nicely said.)
Awesome mate. Really glad you liked it and thanks for the HUGE compliment.
DarkElastic
Well-known member
Well done, good script well written. I agree some actions aren't with her character, but I would argue they are more real, as she needed to get out to fight another day, the only way revenge would be had. Good stuff.
Gets slightly confucing when she is talking and they are still discussing the guitar playing and I got slightly confused with which thug was where when one got kicked in the nads!
Gets slightly confucing when she is talking and they are still discussing the guitar playing and I got slightly confused with which thug was where when one got kicked in the nads!
Thats exactly as I saw it.
Hope you dont mind when I say Im not so worried about that. Whilst I see where you coming from, if you play that component out exactly as written, talking about shooting - it should work neatly.
Thanks for reading. And for the the kind words.
MiataFilmSomething
Well-known member
It wasn't what I thought it would be, but I still liked it. Kinda sad at the end though. I would have liked to see her take some bloody satisfaction more.
From the poster and tagline I imagined a Grindhouse 70' s sexplotation type feel, with lots of skin and machine guns. Candy to me seemed almost like she was gonna be a super hero, grabbing her two uzis in hand and yelling, "Jump back, suka jack!"
I did like seeing both her ferocious and caring side though, it made a good completed character.
From the poster and tagline I imagined a Grindhouse 70' s sexplotation type feel, with lots of skin and machine guns. Candy to me seemed almost like she was gonna be a super hero, grabbing her two uzis in hand and yelling, "Jump back, suka jack!"
I did like seeing both her ferocious and caring side though, it made a good completed character.
lawriejaffa
Veteran
Yep that was good i quite enjoyed the action scenes, the revenge plot, the character Candy and the amusing exchange between the thugs.
//Spoilers//
I think it did seem a teeny bit out of step for her to abandon the bro but then like DarkElastic said, its more realistic she would try to do that - and if the film produced from thie script was directed in that style (more realistic) then i think it would work just fine. While if it was comic book (so that we assume our hero is in control more or less) it would perhaps speak too negatively of her 'character'.
The ending was a bit bleak and may not be necessary - after all Candy could make a nice series!
//Spoilers//
I think it did seem a teeny bit out of step for her to abandon the bro but then like DarkElastic said, its more realistic she would try to do that - and if the film produced from thie script was directed in that style (more realistic) then i think it would work just fine. While if it was comic book (so that we assume our hero is in control more or less) it would perhaps speak too negatively of her 'character'.
The ending was a bit bleak and may not be necessary - after all Candy could make a nice series!
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CallaghanFilms
Veteran
seansshack
Well-known member
Excellent Pulp style start but felt it needed a voice over (in initial scenes) to half nail the style even more.
Loved the line on page 2: "You sound like a duck that met another duck and shoved the other duck up its arse...." - made me laugh.
Not a fan of the ending. Beautifully written and told, just a bit out of whack with the rest of the story. But because of how well you wrote it, I seemed to visualize it as a comic book story.
Overall good work and enjoyed the read. Thanks.
Loved the line on page 2: "You sound like a duck that met another duck and shoved the other duck up its arse...." - made me laugh.
Not a fan of the ending. Beautifully written and told, just a bit out of whack with the rest of the story. But because of how well you wrote it, I seemed to visualize it as a comic book story.
Overall good work and enjoyed the read. Thanks.
lawriejaffa
Veteran
lol Awe come on Callaghan give me a break I loved Candy its not like i just popped in and said
Good script. Now buy my new series of exotic glow in the dark sex toys lol - Though that would be nice! Ammended comment to remove SHAMELESS evil plug! I also just wanted to hear a review in particular from Noel lol.
Good script. Now buy my new series of exotic glow in the dark sex toys lol - Though that would be nice! Ammended comment to remove SHAMELESS evil plug! I also just wanted to hear a review in particular from Noel lol.
Cheers guys, thanks for reading. jaffa man cant wait to read yours. Kids are keeping me a bit busy this weekend .
.
lawriejaffa
Veteran
Hehe cheers man - but rock on bro you did good with yours - are you thinking of producing it for Lossfest? You know you must!
Susanne G.
Well-known member
I like the rhythm of the story and really love the dream part. From the beginning to the end it tooks my attention. The only thing is that I felt the main character a little weak for a woman who did a revenge or perhaps you didn't describe her enough - I don't have really an idea of her personality. The end I felt very theatrical and reminds me to Shakespear! Above all a very enjoyable script. Thanks! :thumbup:
Susanne :bath:
Susanne :bath:
Russell Moore
Well-known member
I like Candy
I liked the tone that you set throughout the script. I loved the opening scene, who doesn't like a beautiful woman with a sub machine gun?
The relationship between her and her brother really did a good job of revealing character. I loved the banter between the two thugs.
I was a little thrown by her leaving her brother, but I can understand the 'run away and live to fight another day" explaination.
I like how it all came back around with vinchenzo. I was fine with the tragic ending.
Good work!
I liked the tone that you set throughout the script. I loved the opening scene, who doesn't like a beautiful woman with a sub machine gun?
The relationship between her and her brother really did a good job of revealing character. I loved the banter between the two thugs.
I was a little thrown by her leaving her brother, but I can understand the 'run away and live to fight another day" explaination.
I like how it all came back around with vinchenzo. I was fine with the tragic ending.
Good work!