SHORT: Awake

J

JFP

Member
So for the last couple of months we’ve been working on what I consider our first serious attempt at a short with a little more substance. The concept for the film all came from personal experiences as a result of suffering from pretty severe insomnia for the last five years. I think we tackled the subject in a unique way that I personally haven’t seen explored before.

Here is the poster.


Awake Poster (284x420).jpg

 
it's good the sound of the "running-thing" is kept continious and the sound in general is ok, usable

also the shots are good, maybe here and there some "detail"

I do have a lot "so what...." when watching: he's in bed...so what ???? he does the running....so what ??? he makes coffee... so what...

There isn't a big story in it for me... it's actually a bit... uninteresting.... Maybe it's because there's no sound ?.....

Sound is more then dialogue and music, sound is also the birds, the crickets at night, the owl, the dog barking, the roaster in the morning,
cars passing, children outside, school in the back with kids playing, a cat somewhere, a cow moawing...

At the docter... couldn't the fan/airco/heater be turned off ?

And I call this the "uncle-John-taking-a-picture-of-50000-kids-with-little-Emily-in-it-and-only-uncle-John-sees-Emily-but-is-mad-when-others-don't-see-little-Emily syndrom.
You say that it's an own experience...so for you this is ok...because you have that "aaaah yes indeed" reaction... But viewers don't have..

It's not a bad idea to give it to someone (an editor/other director) and let do a stranger a complete new edit... You'll see that editors can easely delete scenes that or unneeded which you spend 5440646464060464646 years on...

and yes I'm a pain in the ass, harch, difficult and unpleasant :-p
 
Dre83, thanks for watching. As far as the "so what?" part of your post. Every action taken by the character in the film is there to drive the story. It begins with him already awake to start the day, hopefully showing that he didn't sleep the night before, then he exercises and chooses to drink water instead of coffee, which later in the film is recommended by the doctor. The point is that he is already doing everything he is supposed to and he still can't fall asleep.

As far as sound, I will admit that this is the weakest part of my skill set. Unfortunately, I did not have access to the AC controls at the doctors office, that was a pain to try and clean up.

I actually had an editor from Discovery Channel to take a look at it and give me notes, by the end he said he wouldn't make any changes.

It's all a learning experience, so I appreciate the "pain in the ass, harsh, and difficult" comments. Hopefully I will improve on the next one.
 
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