Audacity (Short Film in NYC)

jonneye

jonneye

Well-known member
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5otVdc2733s

A New York City resident reading a newspaper about the Yankees at a Spring street park becomes increasingly enraged as he witnesses a careless outsider continuously disregarding the sake of the environment with his trash, so he decides to take matters into his own hands and frighten him into being more considerate of his favorite park.

Starring: Dan Zambrano and Jad Magaziner
Written & Directed by Jon Edwards
Filmed & Edited by Jon Edwards
Soundtrack by Quincy Jones
Shot with the Nikon D90 (ADR Sound)
 
I liked it overall but there's a few things I think would make it much better.

First of all, the character with the newspaper acts very unnatural. Admittedly when he is running after the guy it's kind of funny, it was a little bothersome while they were sitting on the bench.

The other thing is I really think the other character should have done either something more dramatic or more small things to warrant the newspaper character chasing after him. It's just not reasonable that he would chase after someone just for throwing a cigarette on the ground. I guess he did put his coffee cup on the ground but while the audience does see that, the newspaper guy does not and therefore it is not an extra reason he would chase after the guy.
 
Thanks for your input. It's very true, but I was going more for comedy than realism in this one.
 
don't use the excuse "I was going for comedy" to hide the thruth.

Were you going for comedy also before you start shooting ? Or are you saying this now to "protect" yourself ?

Also some "foley sounds" could have helped a lot: putting down the plastic cup, rolling sigaret,... well, every handling sounds... and sounds of movements (sound of clothes that make sound when you move a little)
and ambiance sounds (cars, some wind,...)
 
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