At All Costs

KhamIsk

KhamIsk

Well-known member
I have a story, just need to write it and create a poster to it. Feel a need to start a thread now before someone takes my title:)


Tagline: When nothing seems as vital
Logline: A Woman struggles to bring peace to clans in a post-apocalyptic world

Bit thanks to Anthony for help on uploading the poster!
 
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Notes:
- 'Over its' in the first line confused me. I was wondering why the sun had fallen trees. I would rewrite for clarity and to make it just one line.
- Does 2 foot matter? Why isn't she just standing at the water's edge?

Other than those initial hiccups I liked this piece. A suitably depressing piece. :) You really created a unique universe. I kept thinking I was reading one of those sci-fi pulps. Great Job!
 
I agree with Chris - a suitbaly depressing piece. A bit too depressing for me, but that's just me. I never got a handle on what Kate was trying to do. I know the "world peace" line at the end was mean to be ironic, but the irony was lost on me since I didn't get her motivation in the first place.

SPOILER!

All she does is get everyone killed for no apparent reason, herself included.

I really liked the world you created, very visual. Maybe with a bit more clarity in the plot this would turn into the script you meant to write. I think the kernel is there, it just needs telling in a more engaging way from the characters' point of view.
 
I would agree, this is MUCH more than a title. Swampy goodness.

SPOILERS

Was that a LOST nod to Kate and Jack? Loved it. Miss that show.
Strong female lead. Love that. It's original and we need more of them. Careful of choppy sentences and grammar, but I really liked the concept.
I like the dark vibe and the happy ending makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. She solved the problem. Lol. You have improved a ton since the last one I read.
When are we gonna get a female lead feature out of you? I'm first in line to read it. Way to keep me hanging on until the bitter end. That's your job and you did it.
 
Thanks for the reads!

@Chris - glad you liked it, will fix the hicups.

@taylormade - thanks, I hear you. I'm thinking to make it more about umodum (the name will be changed per Anthony's suggestion) and their clan fighting will be over "umodum" at all times. That would both clarify and simplify.

@Anthony - well, I really enjoyed that long review you've sent me! That was a treat...


To all - it's a tribute to a Russian book and movie "The Dawns Here Are Quiet". It's a war piece, and part of it is about those deadly swamps in Russia.
 
I think a clearer concept of why the fighting is going on will greatly improve your script. I want to care more about Kate and her mission. Go for it!
 
Another well crafted world. The feeling and atmosphere was there. I was intrigued by the concept of this "safe path" that only some knew and had to be learned. Initially when the first girl went under I thought ouch thats sudden. But in the context of this piece it works.

Where I felt this one needs a great deal of work is the dialogue. I understand its a tough one in this instance - seeing that the backdrop is a swamp, either way I just felt there was too much of the story verbalised which also weakened the characters as I felt less about learning something of who they were and too much of what they were "telling me".

Good job!
 
Thanks Noel for the read! With few aforementioned changes I could get the dialog right. Let's see...:)
 
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