arvo part project: 3 min short film

Very dark. U def. need some lighting. Yeah, 18 seconds of water dripping. Then, another 30 seconds off a shadow on a door. I don't know exactly what is going on. Then blood on some guys hands. I digged the score, though. U do the score??
 
sounds like Stravinsky or some such music. Yeh, interesting... Bit like watching a 1920's horror thriller number done in a frat house.

Can I suggest that you shoot it again, and re-edit in black and white perhaps? Try and make sense of the dripping tap to the story. For example have it raining outside, have a drip from the ceiling... The killer soaking wet... I dunno just chucking in ideas. I understand why you use the dripping tap tension wise but its unconnected...

I felt it a little rushed and maybe should have done more takes of the action. a few negative things stood out. The tap has a reflection of you in it moving about, that shot also appeared to jump like you bumped the tripod, in the shadow on the wall shot I can see the actor looking at their own shadow during the attack, and the knife doesn't fall into frame cleanly enough for my liking... All of these things took me out of the "story" and made me see the mechanics, and broke my suspension of disbelief. Its all there but I think shorter cuts, strong lighting and a black and white grainier feel and it'll be perhaps more accessible to your audience and also a little cooler. I'd also like to see an establishment of the victim a little more, so that it's clearer that youre watching someone...It's kind of like a video storyboard just now... which proves your idea can work but I agree the shots are a little long.

Sorry if this sounds too negative its not my intention. Keep making films.! To complete your films sets you apart from many wannabe film makers!!!!:thumbsup:

ps Have a look at the film Metropolis and you'll see what I'm getting at.

pps maybe even do an old schindler's list on it and show only red with your black and white... end perhaps with blood dripping to mirror in with the tap?
 
the reason why this short doesn't make sense is because of the way its idea was concieved. i was listening to a song.. i forget which one, and basically i got ideas for shots based on the song. i didn't really have a story going into it...


thanks for the advice. when i have some free time i'll work on it some more...
 
I think you can pull this together into something very worthwhile... Just tighten it up. faster cuts. more content. make sense out of the things you want to keep in there. have a purpose and a reason for them. I think the close up shots of the person are to bright and natural looking, I would go for a more sinister look with your color correction. but all in all... keep shooting. You're on to something.

SmithHouse
 
Did anyone else see the camera man and an extra in the reflection of the fawcett .
I too would cut a bit of the tap scene and B/W would be a nice touch . music was a nice touch.
Ian
 
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