puredrifting
Major Contributor
I grew up in a dysfunctional family where the ethos seemed to be, "Every man for himself". My parents had no business having kids, but they had three, I was the first. They were not good parents, thankfully divorced when I was 18, but now, even decades later, they are still both irresponsible, terrible with money, selfish and self centered. I am proud to say that I raised my two kids with no influence or repeats of the numerous mistakes my parents made. Son is 18, graduating high school next week and daughter is 22, graduating from UC Davis the same weekend with a degree in International Agricultural Development, she wants to help developing countries propagate their food supply. She is joining the Peace Corps with the idea that she eventually wants to start her own NGO. Son wants to become an FBI Special Agent (not sure if he has what it takes), but of course, we fully support him in his dream.
You don't have to repeat the effed up patterns that your parents went through in raising you, unless you are one of those rare people who were raised by great parents, but most of us weren't. You can break the cycle, you can give your kids a better start and a well rounded life, it just takes self-awareness and discipline to not fall into parenting the crappy ways your parents did. Both of our kids know that they are to put other people before them, that they are not special snowflakes, that they are not entitled, that they are not any more important that anyone else. They also know that the world is a brutal place, that you life will kick you and grind you down and that you succeed through perseverance and hard work. With what society tells kids is important, I believe that you really, really have to make a concerted effort to instill good values into your kids. Everything they see and hear tells them that they deserve everything, that they are special and that they should have everything handed to them on a silver platter. It's your job to keep them grounded in the reality of how life really works. If you don't, you are a failure as a parent.
You don't have to repeat the effed up patterns that your parents went through in raising you, unless you are one of those rare people who were raised by great parents, but most of us weren't. You can break the cycle, you can give your kids a better start and a well rounded life, it just takes self-awareness and discipline to not fall into parenting the crappy ways your parents did. Both of our kids know that they are to put other people before them, that they are not special snowflakes, that they are not entitled, that they are not any more important that anyone else. They also know that the world is a brutal place, that you life will kick you and grind you down and that you succeed through perseverance and hard work. With what society tells kids is important, I believe that you really, really have to make a concerted effort to instill good values into your kids. Everything they see and hear tells them that they deserve everything, that they are special and that they should have everything handed to them on a silver platter. It's your job to keep them grounded in the reality of how life really works. If you don't, you are a failure as a parent.