SHORT: Anniversary

[Redpapereyes]

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum, but have been browsing for a while now and decided to post my first short I've done. It was done for Antman's contest over at hv20.com and the topic was "revenge". It was shot within 2 hrs and was done on a hv 20 and a ntg-2 mic (which I know was misused due to inexperienced boom operator, on top of being inside). I know a lot of the issues with it (sound/lighting), but would still like any thoughts/feelings/critiques on it. Hope someone enjoys it . And yes it looks better on vimeo (goes unsaid).

 

[dre83]

the guy walking to the door...it's to long... If you do one wide shot of the house...the guy walking to the door, and the next shot medium where he sees the note and reads it...that's enough. Maybe a 3th shot POV...or over sholder.

Some sounds I miss like closing doors etc..

The shot in the kithcen where he finds the other paper..the "close up" of that paper, with the glass...it's little bit distracting I find...

Storywise it's not bad.

 

[blackkeys]

I don't know a whole lot about short films and you can tell by the one I just posted but I think the story is well written it compliments the title. The black and white feel is good too.

 

[Redpapereyes]

Thanks Dre83 and blackkeys for the critiques, they're very appreciated. I know there was definitely some mistakes with the sound and a lot of things missing, but I didn't have a dedicated sound person for this. I see too how the opening is a bit long and places it could have ran smoother/faster. Thanks again for watching and taking time to write.