SHORT: ALEGORI (2011) - Short Film

[sOUL pLANE]

hi there everyone!
just joined the forum, and wanted to share our short movie


We are Afterschool Project, a film maker team from Indonesia
Our film is called "ALEGORI", directed by Albert Koto Indardyo
The story and all the music on the film is 100% original
The film is in Indonesian but it has a great english subtitle


here is a synopsis of our movie :
"sleep, the only thing he's craving for at the moment. let alone dreams: having a fast car, going to Bali, having a job, or even marriage. His biggest dream is to sleep peacefully."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFwwfMd94Ys


The film is also available on Vimeo, go check it out!
here's the link www.vimeo.com/28928848


I hope you all enjoy the movie
comments and critics are very welcome..
thank you very much!​

 

[Chris Adler]

Looking forward to watching it later. I took a quick glance and noticed the subtitles at the beginning up until the "Sleep" subtitle were way too fast. So I couldn't even finish reading before they were off the screen.

More feedback later.

 

[dre83]

Have looked it also "fast way"...and first impression is "yeah, ok...I will watch it".

About the subtitles well... I live in a "subtitle country", so in a way we're able to read subtitles as a "picture". And yet to see the image.

So I think it has to do with adaptation to subtitles too if they're to fast...But maybe they're a little to fast (200ms more can do a lot already)

 

[sOUL pLANE]

Looking forward to watching it later. I took a quick glance and noticed the subtitles at the beginning up until the "Sleep" subtitle were way too fast. So I couldn't even finish reading before they were off the screen.

More feedback later.

Have looked it also "fast way"...and first impression is "yeah, ok...I will watch it".

About the subtitles well... I live in a "subtitle country", so in a way we're able to read subtitles as a "picture". And yet to see the image.

So I think it has to do with adaptation to subtitles too if they're to fast...But maybe they're a little to fast (200ms more can do a lot already)

Looking forward for the feedback, and thanks for watching

About the subtitles, we'll be extra careful not to make it too fast on our next project

 

[dre83]

another thing I just see here: take care of "continuity and "rules of framelines". If someone is looking to the left, the other one has to look to the right to give the effect of "they're bought watching each other".
If the girl is having her hand making circles in the left frame, she has to do it in the right frame also (in the splitscreen)... She is not doing that but it is to make it clear what I ment.

the VO is recorded a little bit to loud... the first word is distorted. Use fades, and cut untill just before the first letter, with a small fade.

The framing is nice.

The story is nice too...It's good you had different shirts to make it clear it are different days. He does get promoted very fast though...

The sound of the chearleaders... It fit's I think...


Something weird starting at 9:45 --> so, they pass each other...he looks back.... But I think at 9:53 he has to be a lot further... Or she in the left frame has to be a lot closer.

 

[sOUL pLANE]

another thing I just see here: take care of "continuity and "rules of framelines". If someone is looking to the left, the other one has to look to the right to give the effect of "they're bought watching each other".
If the girl is having her hand making circles in the left frame, she has to do it in the right frame also (in the splitscreen)... She is not doing that but it is to make it clear what I ment.

the VO is recorded a little bit to loud... the first word is distorted. Use fades, and cut untill just before the first letter, with a small fade.

The framing is nice.

The story is nice too...It's good you had different shirts to make it clear it are different days. He does get promoted very fast though...

The sound of the chearleaders... It fit's I think...


Something weird starting at 9:45 --> so, they pass each other...he looks back.... But I think at 9:53 he has to be a lot further... Or she in the left frame has to be a lot closer.

thank you so much for the comments, critics, and suggestions!
yes i agreed with you, the timing and continuity of each frames need to be polished more.
and yes the VO could be better, thank you for the suggestion!
we'll be careful in our next project!

once again thank you very much for watching!