A Thousand Cranes

[encity5]

Hey well im still fairly new, this is my first narrative short that i have done. Im usually cruising around these forums for inspiration/ideas, most of the films in this subforum seem a lot more profesional than what im putting up but hope that i can still get feedback.

A Thousand Cranes
10 minute short
directed by Jeffrey Man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqRPRew1cZU
Theres a high quality button on the youtube link.

Actors
Joanna Lin
Jeffrey Man

Shot with:
Panasonic DVC30
Canon GL2

Editted with
Premier Pro 2
After Effects
Soundbooth

Budget = $0 lol

 

[yommytacoe]

did you mean to have that tripod and cord in the frame at 00:25?
also lighting and tripod visible at 1:10ish

The pacing and lighting were nice.
The acting was a bit awkward at times, but not terrible.

Biggest comment/focus for future films: Audio! Did you only use the onboard mic? Many cuts were inconsistent in quality and levels.

Anyways, not bad. keep on keepin on.

 

[Huy Vu]

Not bad for a first try. The story was a bit sappy for my taste, but the ending was nice. Like yommy said, audio is an issue. Some shots sounds "tiny" because the mics were further away from the actors than is optimal. Not to mention you chose to film in a few less than ideal places like the cafe and the laundry room. In the cafe there were background musics playing and it's inconsistent from cut to cut; in the laundry room there were washing machines or other things humming in the background.

I like the slow tracking shots on the cranes and the low shots in her room at the beginning. Did you use a steadicam of some sort? The tracking shot of her in the hall way was nice, not shaky like I would expect. But the shot of her falling looks really fake; didn't even look like she hit her head really. I would try dubbing some impact SFX or just cut away to imply that she fell. There's an excessive use of dissolves to cover up jump cuts. Additive dissolve is something that is seldom used because it looks so unnatural, try not to use it at all. Also watch your angles with respect to close up. There's a close up on the guy character when he was at the computer, and from the way the camera is angled up it looks like his pupils are rolled all the way up into his eyes, leaving just the white portion, which is a creepy look.

One thing that can tremendously improve the look of your film is the future is some attention to set design. Your ending shots looks great because there are so many things in the room that it makes the shot very visually interesting; but there are plenty of other shots where the walls behind the characters are just blank white walls. This more than anything contributes to the flat 2-dimensional feel of the shot. Put up some posters, move a book shelve, make the background visually interesting and that will help sell the shot.

The credits also took too long to come up, which is a distraction. Also you should use proper names for the position. Use "camera operator" instead of "cameraman." Opening credit typically include the name of the actors and the principle crew (director, writer, editor, music, producer, director of photography etc.) and you shouldn't list the role the actor play until the end credit. May seem like I'm nitpicking, but little things like this go a long way toward making your film seems professional.

Also, where are you located? It's always nice to see work from another Asian American filmmakers!

 

[encity5]

May seem like I'm nitpicking, but little things like this go a long way toward making your film seems professional.

No, no, nitpicking is what i need, i came to these forums to get feedback so i dont make silly mistakes and film more professionally on future projects.

To everyone, The audio i know was a major issue, my fault for not attacking that issue early on. I did use a shotgun mic however! the audio must have been inconsistent because of background audio and the distance from the actor. (most of the time this was a 1 man crew so i had the mic placed on a shelf or something.)

did you mean to have that tripod and cord in the frame at 00:25?
also lighting and tripod visible at 1:10ish

i didnt mean to. My carelessness.

I like the slow tracking shots on the cranes and the low shots in her room at the beginning. Did you use a steadicam of some sort?

i used a techdeck/fingerboard.


Thanks for the feedback too, i appreciate it, im trying to learn here so i know i gotta be more careful and pay a lot closer attention. All your guys advice is being taken in, thanks!

Oh and Huy, i am located in NYC.

 

[metro2307]

Jeffrey,

Your shooting is quite good for the most part. Just two thoughts, though...Don't look at the camera (3:10) unless it's part of the story. And I would warm up the colors a bit in post. Nice job.