A Short Piece on Kites and Revenge. (please critique!)

S

staypuft85

Active member
Here's a short I made this past week. http://vimeo.com/6316890 password: kites

Shot on the D90 with a 35-70mm F3.5. The only lighting we did was an occasional bounce board.
I'm going to do another trim, some CC and replace the music for festival submissions. Critiques welcome.
 
Wow i really liked this. I actually liked the music at the beginning it was fitting and gave it a sort of vaudvillian feel. What did you use to edit? Did you use anything to color correct or brighten to get that washed out feel, or did you shoot it like that?

Good eye, and good shots. The actors also did a pretty good job at conveying the right facial expressions.

Im not sure if the hand getting burned really fit, it was a clever idea but not sure it really flows, then again it is a little different so it might succeed in getting you a few laughs.

Dont forget to add titles and credits.

Keep shooting your good at it.

Check out mine and tell me what you think.

http://www.vimeo.com/6095098
 
jonE5 said:
Wow i really liked this. I actually liked the music at the beginning it was fitting and gave it a sort of vaudvillian feel. What did you use to edit? Did you use anything to color correct or brighten to get that washed out feel, or did you shoot it like that?

Good eye, and good shots. The actors also did a pretty good job at conveying the right facial expressions.

Im not sure if the hand getting burned really fit, it was a clever idea but not sure it really flows, then again it is a little different so it might succeed in getting you a few laughs.

Dont forget to add titles and credits.

Keep shooting your good at it.

Check out mine and tell me what you think.

http://www.vimeo.com/6095098
Click to expand...

Thanks Jon! I cut it with FCP, haven't done any CC yet.

Your story looks good, I'd say it could use a good trimming though. The intro could be shorter. I agree with your caption on your vimeo page that the narration could benefit from being redone. And the shot where he turns around from the trash can, it'd work better if you cut in a shot of her seeing him, THEN his reaction, and then she leaves. The way it is now was a little confusing. All in all though, a nice start.

Bored to Death was great too!
 
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