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9 Remakes That Need to be Stopped
by Max Lance May 11, 2010
I don’t know if Hollywood is out of ideas or if they’re just too scared to try something original, but every new release seems to be rooted in a previous film or franchise. It’s bad enough that they ruined A Nightmare on Elm Street and Pelham 123, but now they’re messing with some serious classics. Here are nine film remakes that need to be stopped.
9. The Karate Kid
Even though it’s coming out in a couple days, is there any way that we can destroy every version of this remake, whether it’s on print or digital? As though Karate Kid 2 and The Next Karate Kid didn’t do enough to tarnish Daniel-san’s image, now we have little Will Smith and Jackie Chan ruining the crane kick move that made the original a classic.
8. Back to School
Admittedly the original wasn’t an incredible film, but there’s something about classic Rodney Dangerfield that demands respect and should not be touched by Cedric the Entertainer. Then again, this movie about a rich old guy who goes back to college with his son was just an excuse for babes and jokes, so maybe it won’t be the worst on the list.
7. Short Circuit
Johnny Five is alive! The problem with remaking campy movies is that the technology is too good now. We can no longer capture the look and feel of the original. There is no way that a remake will do any justice for the wise-cracking robot, Steve Guttenburg and Apu from the Simpsons.
6. Meatballs
Why can’t Hollywood agree on leaving 80s summer camp movies alone. The original Meatballs, starring Bill Murray as an awesome camp counselor, was directed by Ivan Reitman is a cult classic. It remains implanted as a seminal part of Gen-Xers’ childhoods. We don’t need a crappy revisiting to ruin another solid 80s flick.
5. Child’s Play
Chucky’s back and he’ll be CGI’d and 3-D’d into a decent opening weekend. Then he’ll disappear as fast as every other Child’s Play sequel. The doll that murders was pretty good in the original, but once Jennifer Tilly and high-tech rendering got involved, the series was doomed.
4. Robocop
The original Robocop stood for so much more than a dead cop who had to be rebuilt with technology. It personified 80s action movies (like Total Recall), with mindless violence, gratuitous gun play and two hours where the sun never shines. No remake could possibly do justice to the gritty violence of the original.
3. Rashomon
One of the best films in the history of Japanese cinema, Kurosawa’s Rashomon is a sweeping epic exploring a crime from three different perspectives. Although Kurosawa’s The Seven Samurai was turned into the American classic, The Magnificent Seven, that remake was done when American movies actually had artistic endeavors in mind. There’s no way that this film could be translated into something good.
2. The Birds
Most film buffs would consider it a tragedy for one of Hitchcock’s best works to be remade with CGI birds. Although some of the action and violence looks a little dated, so much of the creepiness – from the birds gathering on the wires to the building action – would be absolutely lost in a remake. Look what happened with the Psycho remake. The things that make the original a great movie can’t be improved with current technology.
1. The Warriors
This movie relies entirely on its campiness, from face-painted gangs in baseball outfits, to roller-skating bat-wielders, to armed lesbian gangs. But this tale of a Coney Island gang trying to get home safe from the Bronx is being modified for the remake. It will be set in Los Angeles, where everyone stays inside, and you can just hop in a car and head home on a freeway without a problem. Way to ruin another classic.
by Max Lance May 11, 2010
I don’t know if Hollywood is out of ideas or if they’re just too scared to try something original, but every new release seems to be rooted in a previous film or franchise. It’s bad enough that they ruined A Nightmare on Elm Street and Pelham 123, but now they’re messing with some serious classics. Here are nine film remakes that need to be stopped.
9. The Karate Kid
Even though it’s coming out in a couple days, is there any way that we can destroy every version of this remake, whether it’s on print or digital? As though Karate Kid 2 and The Next Karate Kid didn’t do enough to tarnish Daniel-san’s image, now we have little Will Smith and Jackie Chan ruining the crane kick move that made the original a classic.
8. Back to School
Admittedly the original wasn’t an incredible film, but there’s something about classic Rodney Dangerfield that demands respect and should not be touched by Cedric the Entertainer. Then again, this movie about a rich old guy who goes back to college with his son was just an excuse for babes and jokes, so maybe it won’t be the worst on the list.
7. Short Circuit
Johnny Five is alive! The problem with remaking campy movies is that the technology is too good now. We can no longer capture the look and feel of the original. There is no way that a remake will do any justice for the wise-cracking robot, Steve Guttenburg and Apu from the Simpsons.
6. Meatballs
Why can’t Hollywood agree on leaving 80s summer camp movies alone. The original Meatballs, starring Bill Murray as an awesome camp counselor, was directed by Ivan Reitman is a cult classic. It remains implanted as a seminal part of Gen-Xers’ childhoods. We don’t need a crappy revisiting to ruin another solid 80s flick.
5. Child’s Play
4. Robocop
The original Robocop stood for so much more than a dead cop who had to be rebuilt with technology. It personified 80s action movies (like Total Recall), with mindless violence, gratuitous gun play and two hours where the sun never shines. No remake could possibly do justice to the gritty violence of the original.
3. Rashomon
One of the best films in the history of Japanese cinema, Kurosawa’s Rashomon is a sweeping epic exploring a crime from three different perspectives. Although Kurosawa’s The Seven Samurai was turned into the American classic, The Magnificent Seven, that remake was done when American movies actually had artistic endeavors in mind. There’s no way that this film could be translated into something good.
2. The Birds
Most film buffs would consider it a tragedy for one of Hitchcock’s best works to be remade with CGI birds. Although some of the action and violence looks a little dated, so much of the creepiness – from the birds gathering on the wires to the building action – would be absolutely lost in a remake. Look what happened with the Psycho remake. The things that make the original a great movie can’t be improved with current technology.
1. The Warriors
This movie relies entirely on its campiness, from face-painted gangs in baseball outfits, to roller-skating bat-wielders, to armed lesbian gangs. But this tale of a Coney Island gang trying to get home safe from the Bronx is being modified for the remake. It will be set in Los Angeles, where everyone stays inside, and you can just hop in a car and head home on a freeway without a problem. Way to ruin another classic.
