FilmMakerr
Veteran
This is my second short film, one man crew, two actors. Any feedback would be appreciated.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXSXi7nhHGc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXSXi7nhHGc
5 minute short..The Infected
- Thread starter FilmMakerr
- Start date
ChrisHurn
Well-known member
Heya,
First of all, congratulations on getting another short film done.
The audio from the wife on the bed feels a bit strange to me. It's hard to explain but it doesn't really match the visual to me. Like I can't see a mouth moving or a face making heavy breathing but I hear an intense layer of sound.
I like your push in shots, nice work there.
The backgrounds are all white! AHHHH. This is blending your characters into the walls, and makes the frames visually uninteresting.
You have the guy sitting there with the photo frame but your cut is a C.U of him putting the frame down, why didn't you show the wife picture or bring us in a bit to see how he's feeling? We're too distanced from him and we can't see what he's looking at. Give us something to work with. In a short, you've got a tiny amount of time to get us on your characters side. Bring us in close.
But yeah again, the white walls! Way too many short films have while walls. It really only works in certain cases.
Your set can really advance your story. It can be a character in itself. It looks like the guy has been spending all his time cleaning the house, when it should look like something else. Give it an edge.
Overall the story felt slow to me. Combined with the plain walls and the lack of character I couldn't relate. I didn't feel close to anything here.
Definitely can see the potential here though, and for a second short film this is good. Keep 'em coming. Another step in the filmmakers journey, each one can only get better. I look forward to seeing your next film, I have bookmarked your youtube page.
First of all, congratulations on getting another short film done.
The audio from the wife on the bed feels a bit strange to me. It's hard to explain but it doesn't really match the visual to me. Like I can't see a mouth moving or a face making heavy breathing but I hear an intense layer of sound.
I like your push in shots, nice work there.
The backgrounds are all white! AHHHH. This is blending your characters into the walls, and makes the frames visually uninteresting.
You have the guy sitting there with the photo frame but your cut is a C.U of him putting the frame down, why didn't you show the wife picture or bring us in a bit to see how he's feeling? We're too distanced from him and we can't see what he's looking at. Give us something to work with. In a short, you've got a tiny amount of time to get us on your characters side. Bring us in close.
But yeah again, the white walls! Way too many short films have while walls. It really only works in certain cases.
Your set can really advance your story. It can be a character in itself. It looks like the guy has been spending all his time cleaning the house, when it should look like something else. Give it an edge.
Overall the story felt slow to me. Combined with the plain walls and the lack of character I couldn't relate. I didn't feel close to anything here.
Definitely can see the potential here though, and for a second short film this is good. Keep 'em coming. Another step in the filmmakers journey, each one can only get better. I look forward to seeing your next film, I have bookmarked your youtube page.
Last edited:
OpticSugar
Member
I agree, you have the basics down, but try to avoid shooting anything against flat, white walls. If all you have is white walls to work with, set up your camera so the angle is a bit more interesting instead of a flat background, by doing that you will incorporate depth into your shots and the entire film will benefit. The imagery of the man putting the bag over his head is intense and disturbing, nice work.
FilmMakerr
Veteran
Thanks for all the feedback, I agree with every comment. The white walls was something I didn't like much as well, but had to deal with since I had no idea what to do, but practice makes improvement, and will definitely advance for my next.