2 1/2 Minute short film

I

inhaler70

Member
Hey everyone, I’m a new user to this forum and have a short I shot on a DVX100 that’s nearly completed… I still need to add credits and have the audio sweetened, but I would love to get comments, suggestions, and/or critiques on the cinematography, story, etc.

I’ve posted an mp4 (about 2:20, 13.4 megs) at this address:

http://homepage.mac.com/rough_cut/iMovieTheater1.html

Have at it… Thanks!

-Craig
 
I really enjoyed this piece although the opening Fade In seems a bit Loooonngggggg.

This was short, sweet and too the point. The acting is really good as is the Audio and your coloring is nice. Well done.

It reminded me of American Beauty for some reason.
 
Thanks John. I can see your point about the fade in.

Others have mentioned it reminded them American Beauty, (although, I swear it wasn't conscious on my part) but I'm never sure if that's a good or bad thing...
 
No no no It's a good thing. Just the monologue is familiar in subject matter and context.

No worries; it's a short
 
I liked it. Better to be short and sweet, than long and boring!

If you're doing this for fun and practice, run with this idea, make a series of shorts, running backwards in the guys life, leading up to his demise...Momento style...
 
Kept me interested and wanting to see MORE!!! :)

Nice composition/colors and ACTING. Nice job. Please tell me there's more in store.
 
Thanks for the comments. This was just a one-off sort of deal, shot in a day as an exercise in learning; there isn’t any more. Although, there are a few other ideas I have that could be added to this to make sort of a “trilogy” of short-short films. The stories wouldn’t necessarily have anything to do with each other, but would relate in a sort of thematic, abstract way.

Did anyone have any other constructive criticisms? C’mon… I can take it.
 
A little pool of blood starting to come into the frame would have been errily cool.

And now Im wondering what this dude had all of the cash in a bag for? What was he into?
 
inhaler70 said:
Thanks for the comments. This was just a one-off sort of deal, shot in a day as an exercise in learning; there isn’t any more. Although, there are a few other ideas I have that could be added to this to make sort of a “trilogy” of short-short films. The stories wouldn’t necessarily have anything to do with each other, but would relate in a sort of thematic, abstract way.

Did anyone have any other constructive criticisms? C’mon… I can take it.
Click to expand...


I don't think there is enough variation on the screen to give a lot of constructive criticism to. The composition, sound, acting was all above par.....but it was only ONE shot (and a rather nice one too, so there's not much to rip on).


So, in my opinion, it's tough to pick it apart when it's all just one shot to talk about. Having said that, I do agree with the others in that the voiceover goes on too long before it fades into picture. That alone would make some people fast-forward/shut off the piece before it even begins.

And creatively, it's not a complete thought/story/concept as you said it was just practice. Even if you are practicing, it'd be nice to have something to say to get some point across. Again, your piece was very involving that I wanted to know more and see more. :)
 
I liked Johns idea with the blood. The surpises you include in this short are good. Audience's love suprises. I also liked the simplicity of it. However, it seemed that the 2 actors kind of had a hard time making their lines sound believable. Good work I'm looking forward to seeing more!
 
A pool of blood, huh? Hmmm, that would have been an interesting element to add (although impossible to get permission at the location we were at).

As far as the surprises, that’s cool. I’m glad it worked, although I’m wondering if anyone WASN’T surprised. Did anyone see it coming?

The actors weren’t professionals by any means, so I feel like what I got wasn’t too bad… BUT, if I were to do it over, I probably would have directed them differently, like maybe have the guy run around the block and start his take being out of breath or something, or have them get into a mock shoving match just before doing the scene. There’s tons of other thing I would like to experiment with…

Thanks for the critiques and observations everyone. I really appreciate it!

Oh, and as a side note, is it worth posting this on the 2-pop forum for feedback, or does most everyone frequent both places? I don't want to be redundant...
 
I really enjoyed it. Yea that ticking clock certainly has an effect. It would of been pretty cool if you had the *dead* guy sitting on the sofa like there were 3 of them then at the end, reveal it so that he was sitting there staring at his body before his soul moves on. I wanted to see more! Well done!
 
great idea! i love the concept, and john's blood idea would have been great, but depending on how it was done/timed that may have given away the surprise though too early.

i seem to be in the minority here but i wasn't a big fan of the actors that were on-screen. don't know if you ADRd some of their lines when we couldn't see their faces but it didn't sound very emotional to me, seemed like they were reading.

a little series of shorts like this could be cool. i wouldnt use the same characters though, but that simple fade in/out on a single shot could be a neat trick. hmmmm...
 
Liked the concept, composition, execution. Really did.

You made a strong shot, editing, compositional choice that was effective because it SERVED THE STORY you were telling exceedingly well!

Also liked the long fade in. Gives more variety and I think the feeling of "com'on hurry up already" in the viewer is a good thing, heightens our anticipation. Also, as the story is told from the shoes of the dead guy, the long fades - like the stagnant camera composition - add to a feeling of not being in control of what one is seeing.

Not nuts about the acting but I am a tough, tough date on that front. This is not horrible acting by any stretch and is comparable to most posts, but while I am new to DV, I have a ten year theatre background and supplement my income teaching acting for theatre and camera privately and at the university level - which I mention to drive the point home that I'm a tough date, not too suggest that my opinion should be lent any more credence than others. With that disclaimer, here's what I didn't like about the acting.
1) The actors were "selling it" a bit too much, trying to be too interesting, so it didn't seem real. They were singing the lines and playing the idea of them vs. actually playing actions/objectives and having internal specific attitudes about what they were saying that would color the way they were saying things without them consciously trying to make it sound some particular way. (sorry if vague - but I have to shoot these responses off quick or this forum will take over my life). In rehearsal or after each take just keep asking, "If I walked into the room right now and overheard / witnessed this, would I mistaken it for an actual conversation / conflict happening for the first time right now."
2) the feat movement didn't seem connected to the beats / units of action they were playing. the feat seemed to be sort of dancing a bit to sell who was talking, or to make up for the static shot. This is like actors in those Barney type, or Ninja Turtle type suits. They move their arms around etc. so we know they are talking. Again, if the actors were playing specific intentions from specific givens that they have fully explored and owned, the interesting part will just happen on its own - given that the material is good, which it is. They way an actors feet connect to the floor is so important to the "groundedness" / believability / assuredness of their performance. There's an entire acting method called Suzuki which is based on how an actor connects to the floor (originated in Japan and is now taught at the University of Washington, and Columbia University and perhaps few other authorized placed in the US). Ideally, an actors movements, like camera movements, are tied to units of action, changes in thought, or change of tactic.

Also, in film, actors have to work less, because the framing of the shot, camera movement, timing of the editing, and sound design and scoring will do so much of the work for them. I find the directions I give most when working with actors on camera are "Great, try one a little smaller" (means less affected) "Great, now just REALLY tell her...just speak to her, you can act less, your very interesting on camera just being" (means less affected) "Great, Now this time I want you to try to be boring. Yeah just don't worry about being interesting. Be boring". (unless the actor is a sociopath that wants to ruin the take and waste everyone’s time by over taking the direction and speaking in a monotone computer type voice - which has never happened - this direction works because an actor will not allow themselves to be truly boring, it goes against their ego and everything that made them want to be an actor in the first place, so what you will usually get is a more distilled and more TRUTHFUL version of what they were doing).

We have to be as diligent with the quality of our actor's performances as we are achieving critcal focus with the anamorphic lens.

Sorry. Don't mean to rant: hard to express these ideas without verbosity.

Lastly I have one script note:
The closing lines are a bit "on the nose". The adage goes in film "show not tell". I feel like you show us and tell us too."

"I always thought my death would be important"(paraphrasing, words to that effect)
"not mundane trivial etc. but that's exactly what it is" (this line is redundant and "on the nose" -- we get that his death is seemingly inconsequential, you've made the point elsewhere and eloquently with the rest of the film.

Consider (again I'm paraphrasing your dialogue)
"I always thought my death would be important...that's what I thought anyway..."
"I always thought my death would be important...but what did I know..."
"I always thought my death would be important...but then again I never thought she could do something like this ... at least not to me..."

Hope not to critical, and sorry so verbose. have to go know. I'm supposed to be learning how to apply muzzle effects in post, and clearing hardrive space for a new project.

Enjoyed your piece and would like to see other projects.
:)
 
Short and sweet just how I like em'. I agree w/ you about maybe having the actors run around the block or something. Over all it was pretty good, the colors were nice, the composition was good, although I didn't care for the acting at all. Like you said, they weren't pro's so it's actually not that bad. Tim, SFN.
 
jdanstan! review/critique of the day! damn dood, please review my work? he he! some tips in your message are definitely printable for future reference.
 
I thought the concept was cool, I was like "why the hell is she looking at the camera?" then we found out it was a dead body, I thought that was really cool :)

Good work.
 
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