SHORT: 1ST Film - The Visitor

S

Sxio

Member
Hi Guys. I'm based in Brisbane Australia. I recently finished my first short film.

Would love to know your thoughts. I posted up my initial ideas for the movie on this board 10 months ago, and was absolutely ripped apart for it.

The funny thing was, every criticism made the final result better. So I'm back for more. Please. Tell me everything I did wrong. Tell me everything I could have done better.

Cheers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGV_avO7umA
 
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I guess that vid would be funny if you were in junior high, but then again, I evolved from dick jokes by about 15, so yeah, if mindless entertainment is your thing, I suppose it would be funny.
 
You're probably losing your viewers during that 5:00 opening dialog scene. It's slow and colored in a way that distracted me from the story. It looked like they were inside a chicken roaster. Why so warm and saturated consider the subject matter? Dialog is echoey in this sequence and very expositional, in fact it's nothing but heavy narration. I'm not really interested in the subject matter this far in. As an impartial viewer I would leave here, but since I'm offering feedback I'll proceed. The framing was generally okay and all of the shots were in focus, so there's that! The door bell sounded like a fog horn, and why did they ignore it?

When the baddie shows up at the narrators house the narrator opened the window and we see the light outside is just normal daylight. This makes the dark orange lighting even more questionable. Technically the camera work was good. The lighting I though was forced and didn't serve the story. Sound was always poorly recorded. Music was heavy handed.

At the end the movie failed because I wasn't entertained and the movie didn't make me question anything about my existence.
 
Chris Adler said:
You're probably losing your viewers during that 5:00 opening dialog scene. It's slow and colored in a way that distracted me from the story. It looked like they were inside a chicken roaster. Why so warm and saturated consider the subject matter?
Click to expand...

Yeah I know it's a slow starter. I just liked those colours, No other reason. As soon as I changed them to neutral colours, it looks obviously like two people sitting in my kitchen.

Chris Adler said:
Dialog is echoey in this sequence and very expositional, in fact it's nothing but heavy narration. I'm not really interested in the subject matter this far in. As an impartial viewer I would leave here, but since I'm offering feedback I'll proceed. The framing was generally okay and all of the shots were in focus, so there's that! The door bell sounded like a fog horn, and why did they ignore it?
Click to expand...

I think that noise was actually the soundtrack? I stuck a note there, because that's when he starts talking about the bad guy. Thanks for the props on my framing and focus.

Chris Adler said:
When the baddie shows up at the narrators house the narrator opened the window and we see the light outside is just normal daylight. This makes the dark orange lighting even more questionable. Technically the camera work was good. The lighting I though was forced and didn't serve the story. Sound was always poorly recorded. Music was heavy handed.
Click to expand...

Yeah sound was really tough to get right. I think we had a few good times, but that was definitely a lesson learned for next time.

Chris Adler said:
At the end the movie failed because I wasn't entertained and the movie didn't make me question anything about my existence.
Click to expand...

Lol - well if you're only looking for stuff that makes you question your existence, then no film of mine will ever fulfill that need, but thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.
 
Sxio said:
Lol - well if you're only looking for stuff that makes you question your existence, then no film of mine will ever fulfill that need, but thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.
Click to expand...

Like I said, I wasn't entertained and it didn't make me think. One or the other is more than enough.
 
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