conrad_johnson wages of sin

Nice job, Conrad. Your short is very creative and has a relatively coherent and unified storyline- I enjoyed it.

All of the film was very competently shot, and the characters and dialogue kept me interested.

Couple critiques:
The "twin" throwing up his hands before he is murdered was pretty cheesy. I know its hard with non-pro actors, but something a little more subtle would have worked.

The first piece of music did not seem to fit, the rock music that kicks in when he hears the sirens. I think that sequence would have been better served without that music.

I understand the idea of cultivating the virus within himself, but the execution in the story had me confused. Is he injecting himself with the virus for the first time when we see him kill himself? If not, or if so :) how is it spread to the rest of the world?

Lastly, why was the desk calendar showing a 2006 date? I thought the voiceover mentioned the clone takeover occuring in "'41".
 
it's 2041. all the ending clips are to show that he's crazy, it's really just today, not 2041. the men at the bus stop are not actually clones, the radio isn't plugged in etc.
Thank you for the comments jaustere.
 
Wow, I understand now, but I have to say I missed that completely. I'm sorry! I'm going to go back and watch it again...see why that didn't register.
 
I'm a little taken aback. I missed the fact that he was crazy, too. I'm going to have to watch it again, now, before I can make any further comments.
 
It took me a bit to think about, which isn't bad at all, but I realized what you were trying to do before you explained it in here. The dude was whacked, imagined the whole thing, etc. However, did he also imagine killing a twin that never existed, or did he actually kill the twin because he was whacked? I'll assume for now that it was imagined as well.

Good job with it, and I liked the story. I thought the clone effect was VERY VERY well done. One ironic thing I found was that this had a biblical passage/verse associated with it, yet the lead talks about wiping out all human life, allowing the earth to start over ... which would support evolution vs. creation. I found it contradictory, and it pulled me out of the film for a moment as I thought about it.

That said, since the guy was nuts, maybe it doesn't matter, or is that way on purpose, but it still pulled me out as I pondered the contradiction, which isn't a good thing when the viewer gets distracted.

Otherwise, solid effort, and I felt watching it was time well spent. Thanks for that.
 
Conrad,

I enjoyed your film, and the concept of your story was great, and for the most part, well-executed. There aren't too many nit-picks I have, and all of them are story related.

I totallly got that he was crazy and delusional at the end, but I guess there were some unanswered questions... , did he kill his twin because he was crazy, or did he go crazy because he killed his brother? Or did he really kill a brother at all? Was it part of himself he was killing? Maybe you intended us to wonder those things... if so, you did ;) ... if not, take it as a constructive criticism on how to be clear on details of a story :)

I really liked the opening shot in the cemetery... and overall I thought the cinematography, lighting and editing were all very very good. Sound was good (and a lot of films in this fest really struggled in the sound department). I liked the voices of the clones at the bus stop... seemed very artifical-like (reminded me of the game "The Sims" which seemed to be the "right" sound). You score was a good fit for the story.

I like your attention to little details... Knife on the table... "Adobt Siblings" banner on the bench... light on his face from the radio. I also thought the acting was good... believable. I was "in" the story from beginning to end.

Overall, I give you thumbs-up for a job well done. I hope you get some more comments on your film, because you certainly deserve them!
 
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EditPhish - Right on! You picked up on all the essential cues. As far as the unanswered questions you referred to - all of us who worked on the short had a different idea for what was "actually" going on with the guy. Does he actually have a twin? If so, did he kill him? So you were right to assume that we had hoped to leave those qustions to the viewer to decide, as well. Thanks for the kind words.
 
I thought a lot of this was well done, and I definitely got the end. I had a lot of "wait, that doesn't seem right..." moments in regard to the plot, but they were kinda explained away by the fact it was all a paranoid delusion. ;) Some nice, subtle stuff in here. I may post some more critical stuff when I've had a chance to watch it again, but I'mstill working my way through the list. But for now, nice job.
 
I love the snow! The script was tough to follow. There seemed to be a bit of an audio sync problem, but mostly the audio was good and clear. The pacing was a bit slow for me.

Mostly, I just don't understand what happened. After reading other posts on this film, I can of course see what you are going for and the idea sounds good. Unfortunately, the script just needs some tweaking for it to be conveyed more effectively.

You did have some good camera work in there.

Disclaimer: whether your short is good, great, or grand, I will still be mostly pointing out things that I feel to be negative aspects.
 
Thanks for the comment pastywhiteboy! Good eye on the audio, I mixed down the audio track in ProTools and when I imported it back into fcp, I put the wholoe track a couple of sample too early. Of course I didnt notice unill I had already uploaded. Thanks again.
 
Conrad,

I haven't read your previous posts, so forgive me if I repeat...

Nice solid effort. Good acting overall. Lead was very believeable. Supporting players, not so good.

I really liked the look and pacing on this one. Really nice cinemtatography here. Some nice shots and camera work.

Score worked very well. Liked that as well.

I get what you were going for in the end, but you needed more to cement that and make it have an impact. You might want to make sure to SAY 2041 in the movie and not just "41" to clarify that it never really happened and he's a little looney.

Really solid effort. Great job! It was a pelasure to watch!

-Robert
 
2 thumbs up on this one .

Glad some one else did a snow scene .
The music at the end ..nice , liked it !
Great short !!
Ian
 
conrad,

Nice lookin' piece, my man. I think you achieved
a pro look with this short, so congrats on that.

My favorite aspect was the pacing of the film,
which you pulled off quite well.

My least favorite aspect was the story (more
specifically the story's conclusion.) I understood your
twist ending after my first viewing (and it wasn't a
bad one at that.) My problem is how you wrote the
reveal itself. What is the motivation for showing
the "zinger" shots at the end.

What I mean by this is that if you look at The Sixth
Sense, the reveal is appropriate because Bruce Willis
'remembers' the instances in which he interacted with
others...
Likewise, The Usual Suspects' reveal is not questioned
by the audience because Chazz Palminteri 'pieces together'
Virgil's whale of a tale himself.
However, in your film, the zingers are shown just to be shown...
the lead didn't sudden have a moment of self-realization, nor
does a third part suddenly figure the leads true story.

IMHO of course.

Once again, congrats on the nice production value.

Cheers
beer.gif
 
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CallaghanFilms said:
My least favorite aspect was the story (more
specifically the story's conclusion.) I understood your
twist ending after my first viewing (and it wasn't a
bad one at that.) My problem is how you wrote the
reveal itself. What is the mortification for showing
the "zinger" shots at the end.

What I mean by this is that if you look at The Sixth
Sense, the reveal is appropriate because Bruce Willis
'remembers' the instances in which he interacted with
others...
Likewise, The Usual Suspects' reveal is not questioned
by the audience because Chazz Palminteri 'pieces together'
Virgil's whale of a tale himself.
However, in your film, the zingers are shown just to be shown...
the lead didn't sudden have a moment of self-realization, nor
does a third part suddenly figure the leads true story.

Cheers
beer.gif
Click to expand...

Hi - Thanks for the feedback. I was beginning to think everyone was too caught up in arguing over SIMILO to notice anyone else's projects!

I think I get what you're saying, and thanks for the references to other films (although I haven't seen Sixth Sense. Did you just give it away to me???).

I believe our writer chose the reveal he did because he a. couldn't have the lead allude to or realize the "zingers" himself because he was delusional, and ultimately kills himself in the final scenes (he is trying to wipe out the earth's population of presumably cloned humans, but instead his efforts to kill others only results in his own demise), and b. didn't have others "discover" the truth/twist b/c he wanted this guy to be "alone" in his little delusional world.

Does this make sense?

I totally see what you're saying, though. It may have been cool for the screenplay to take a different approach to revealing the twist in a less obvious way.

Thanks for the critique - it's very helpful! Have a great weekend.
 
Ought2bCommitted said:
I get what you were going for in the end, but you needed more to cement that and make it have an impact. You might want to make sure to SAY 2041 in the movie and not just "41" to clarify that it never really happened and he's a little looney.

-Robert
Click to expand...

Thanks for the feedback. Do you think it would have seem forced to say "2041", though? It seems more natural to just express the last two digits. We're getting this feedback from a few people, though, so you're probably right.
 
Envision said:
Good job with it, and I liked the story. I thought the clone effect was VERY VERY well done. One ironic thing I found was that this had a biblical passage/verse associated with it, yet the lead talks about wiping out all human life, allowing the earth to start over ... which would support evolution vs. creation. I found it contradictory, and it pulled me out of the film for a moment as I thought about it.
Click to expand...

Sorry it's taking so long to get around to responding. I've been spending too much time trying to make my way through all the shorts.

The clone effect took some really fancy technical computer imaging. Or we happen to know two very identical twins. You decide...

I'll try to speak to the biblical passage, although we didn't actually write the screenplay so I'd ultimately have to defer to our writer. My own interpretation was that it was supposed to be contradictory - that was the whole reason it was there. But as with everything it's open to others' interpretations too, so there you have it!

Thanks for the comments.
 
I liked the music playing on the radio at the end.

I did try to follow the story, but appear to have got lost somewhere.
 
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