"A New Tomorrow" - Insight Blue Productions

This is one of the few films here I thought worked in every dimension. I absolutely loved it and liked the subtle ending. It was well done and the acting, actors and story were engaging and powerful. This is one of the films I gave a perfect 10. I liked everything about it. Congratulations, and I hope to do as well in the future.
 
Okay, here's my major problem with this short. His wife is dead. I didn't catch this because as we looked over her shoulder she was moving. I didn't realize until a subsequent viewing that she couldn't hold out a little bit longer, and I was wondering after the first viewing what the point was. Because I thought she was still alive, I was wondering what I had missed. (Bad on me.)

This was actually one of the first ones I watched but had to wait until I figured out what was going on to comment on the short.
 
OK, I am going to try to say something new and different about this short because I really liked it and had only a few small quibbles with it and I don't think anyone has brought them up yet. The first, and largest, is - similar to what penfever was saying - the pace was a tad slow, because most of the shots were basic 2-shots or 3-shots so it tends to drag a little bit (i had this same problem with Clerks, to continue that comparison, and it is one that I think is warranted). The other is the exposition in the begining between the secretary and the guy with glasses. It seemed far to convenient to have a character simply not understand what was going on so that another could explain it to her (and us). It is a technique used over and over by lazy writers (do not think I am calling you lazy, with this one exception, the writing was deep, textured, and subtle, but also CLEAR) and it stands out as particularly bas because it is surrounded by what is otherwise an exceptional script. The very high quality of the rest of your writing made it seem that much worse by comparison.
Speaking of that high quality, though, here are my 2 cents on the ending: I loved it. The long tracking shot of him walking up to the house with the eerie sort of haunted amusement park piano in the background was amazing and the final shot is about as powerful as you can get. Really fine work all around. On a second watching I really saw how much of the dialogue (and not just those lines that you put into the soundtrack during that last shot) builds towards that moment. His discussion of the strangeness of his morning when, presumably, he awoke to find his dead wife by his side, his overwhelming desire for things to return to the way they were, even when that means working at a job that is not necessary in the least. The actor does a really nice job of bringing across the conflict without screaming out "I AM CONFLICTED!" either literally or metaphorically. He just seems off, and as we understand more and more why he is off, we understand more and more what is missing from his world.
Most importantly, this is a film that, after I watched it, made me sit for a moment and in a rare moment of pure un-cynicism think about what I have and what I have lost and make me glad to be here. So I leave you with two thoughts:
1) Had I 100 posts, then you would surely get a 10 from me and
2) Simply, thank you. There are no other words.
 
msconce: Wow. Thank you, you're too kind. That's the kind of thing I'd stick on the back of a DVD box! I appreciate it.

Blaine: In a way you're both right and wrong. She is technically dead. The point we tried to make was that Tom had recreated his dead wife using the nanite technology. So in a manner of speaking she is alive, which is why she'd be moving. So really, you didn't miss it! Thanks for the comment and, just so you know, I'm naming my first child Baron Wentworth Mahoney.

bc5431: I've thought for a while how to respond to this. I'm not good with "words" or "emotions." But, let me just say that your comment at the end is probably the best thing I will take with me from this contest and the highest compliment we could ever hope to attain. It means a lot.

My girlfriend offered to send you cookies.

The over, over, 2 or 3-shot was by design to keep it simple. This was our first shoot together so to make it as easy as possible and to get through all that dialogue, we just went with some standard stuff. I feel we'll be a little more ambitious with the shot composition on the next one.

The character not understanding seemed convenient and, well, was. We went with the ditzy secretary stereotype for that one.

From your post, it's pretty clear that you get it. Thank you for the comments and critiques. Vote or no vote, I really appreciate everything you wrote.


-Jim
 
InsightBlue said:
Blaine: In a way you're both right and wrong. She is technically dead. The point we tried to make was that Tom had recreated his dead wife using the nanite technology. So in a manner of speaking she is alive, which is why she'd be moving. So really, you didn't miss it!
Click to expand...
That sounds like an area where you wanted more time to develop that. Shades of Pet Cemetary?

InsightBlue said:
and, just so you know, I'm naming my first child Baron Wentworth Mahoney.
Click to expand...
Bwahahaha. I wouldn't do that to ANY child.
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Hi - Nicely done, overall. The sound could use a lot of work and a lot of the cuts are off-putting - some shots are uncomfortably long, some too short, and some of the cuts are in odd places. I'm thinking specifically of the parts where they go to talk to the boss, then are hanging out in the hallway. I really loved the long build-up to the main character entering his house (and the accompanying music) but felt it was lacking in payoff. That last shot could have been longer, to allow the viewer to process what's going on, since this is (I think) the payoff scene, and final scene of the short. Overall, good work! The story was very nice, and acting was good to great (main character - great).
 
This one had a good story, but fell off at the end because I didnt know exactly what happened to the man's wife/person. And that being the whole point of the story, should have been a greater pay off for the viewer.

The score and acting were solid, edits were all well done. Sound was great. I am really enjoying watching the films with consistent sound.

Thanks for an enjoyable film!!
 
Heh, it's interesting seeing so many different views on whether the end was satisfying or anti-climactic. We had the exact same discussion several times, about whether we'd givent he audience enough information to put the story together or not. For all you who liked the ending, thanks a lot for vindicating my side of the argument. ;) And major props to Jim for finding what was actually a compromise between the two, because, to be honest, I wrote in less and probably would've left *everyone* confused. For all those who think the ending needed more, you can blame me. Sorry. I'll try harder next time. Just don't hit me again!

On another note, thanks a lot for everyone who complimented the writing. I'm a wannabe writer with not much accomplishment under my belt, and seeing people liking what we did here really means a lot. And thank you equally for the criticism. Okay, maybe not quite equally, but I do genuinely appreciate it. ;)
 
Quick Disclaimer: I am avoiding reading other comments before rating each of the films, so I may repeat comments others have said to death.

I liked the opening shot, through the fish tank - kind of a foreshadowing of the story to come. People whose lives are completely taken care of, they are free from worry or need. Yet, without someone else there to partake with them they have a very lonely existence, floating through life until the day they are found belly-up at the top.

The beginning sequence does a great job to tell us what the story is without boring us through a 3-minute lecture on nano machines and what they mean to humanity. I like that more and more of the information is provided casually through the conversation of the film as it progresses instead of one talking head at the beginning. And I like the unspoken tension between the two male actors, its clear that Danny is a slacker and that Tom prefers not to deal with him any more than is necessary.

When Tom first goes into Zoey's office it looks like her voice is out of sync with her mouth, but when it moves to the closer shot it is back in sync. I like the effect of her opening the door without touching it - again showing what is possible in this world without telling us.

Something kept nagging at me throughout the film and I couldn't figure out what it was until after Tom leaves the office and the score starts. I suddenly realized there hadn't been any score up to that point. I know it is not required to have score through 100% of the film, not to mention that would be equally annoying; but it seems like the office sequence could have used a bit of score throughout to give a little extra polish. When the score started after he left, it suddenly felt like a movie - before that it felt like a video.

The acting seemed decent throughout, the overall story was good. When it ended I felt like it was over...I think that is a good thing, story-wise :)

Good job.

Larry

edited to add: after reading the comments for this film I wanted to add (in case I wasn't clear originally) that I knew exactly what the deal was with Tom's wife. In fact from the conversation between the three before he went into Zoey's office added to his comment that he "...did something this morning...", I knew then what the end of the story was. Then once the whole bit in the hall about needing each other and Tom running out, once I saw the shot in the house I felt vindicated in my assumption as to what he had done. Just my $0.01 9/10
 
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Comments

Best fishtank shot of any short. seriously nice way to start.

Acting was hit or mis throught.

"So... we're all going to di?" the secratary's line was cut off Audio issue or windown media player, you'll have to tell us about that one.

I'm so happy the audio faded when the actors walked away from the camera...great audio touch.

I felt during the two shot of secratary and bierd ponytail guy could have been filmed differently or at least some more cut aways of the Woman boss and the guy listening to them...all I'm saying is the initial two shot goes on too long without the introduction of a new camera angle. Introduce them as a two shot and them go to an over her shoulder shot of him talking. Back to the two shot after a while.

Other than that I liked the editing and pacing.

Nice short

Kip Kubin
 
Hey!

Nice job overall. Some really work in there.

My biggest complaints are the acting and the script in general.
The acting is really off most of the time. When a good line delivery is made it feels out of place.
Scriptwise, I just feel like its very very talking. Not a whole lot happens to move the plot further. The dialogue tells us the plot and tries to move it. As a result, it can get very dull to watch after awhile because its just people talking. You wonder when something is going to actually happen.

Nice effort!

-Robert
 
Wow. We've gotten about every comment there is about the acting now, from "good to great" to "hit or miss" to "really off." As one of the actors, let me say... anyone who doesn't think our man Mike did a fine job is out of their mind. ;) On the other hand, I have no problem with you criticizing the guy with the beard and glasses. He has no business on film.

To be honest, I'm not an actor, I'm not too fussed on that front, though I wish you all bought into it if only to help you focus on Jim's work. On the other hand, let me reiterate that any all comments ond criticism on the script are welcome, and thanks for all of them. I'm often accused of being too talky in both my writing and my life, and Jim is definitely fixated on dialogue, so I'm interested to see how many people our script annoyed and how many people it entertained. We seem to have a mix so far.

In fact, people seem mixed about the whole bloody thing. Except for the special effects. I have yet to hear one negative comment on the special effects.

Or the tiger.

:)
 
Larry R: The fish tank shot had that meaning from the very start. Not just now, when you pointed it out. Always. I do enjoy how different people take different meanings out of various elements. I think it's important that people independantly come up with these ideas on their own and aren't hit on the head with them. Astute catch with the out of sync dialogue. It's from another take and was a bit off. That happens twice in the film! A marvelous Marvel no-prize to whomever finds the other instance.

I'm glad that the score/ending had more of a film feel. I had tried some cuts with various royalty free music to fill it out, but nothing was working. Next time we'll try to finish soon enough to hand it off to one of the Chris's that offered up free scoring.

I'm also happy that you picked up on what happened to Tom's wife with relative ease (or at least had a suspicion). That's what we were going for! Thanks for enjoying it and all the comments.

THX-1138/Kip: Reply to this 8 times so you can vote for us. ;) Er, I mean... I really like your comment on the audio fading. Me and Steve (co-writer, ZB Brox) had a discussion about this the other night. That's what happens when people walk away, right? As for the line being cut off, it plays fine for me so I'm assuming it was a media player problem. Then again, it may seem a little odd because the actress had laryngitis that day and her voice was playing tricks on us.

I understand what you mean about the conversation in the hall. Believe it or not, as it was originally planned, we were going to do exactly what you said. A wide shot or 2-shot, then go over the shoulder. I forget why we didn't do it, but I think it had something to do with the size of the hall and not getting the shot right.

Thanks for the comments! (Editing and pacing, woo!) I appreciate it.

Ought2bCommitted/Robert: It's very much a "talkie" (as I constantly refer to it as that) and not as much a "show me" film. As for your comments on the acting and script issues -- the opinions have definitely run the gamut. Feel free to elaborate on it if you have the chance! We take what we learn and use it to make the next one better. Or we use it to fuel our rage and curse your name. Either way, it helps and makes us feel better. Thanks for the comments!


-Jim
 
Excellent work there, crew. I liked the overall project. Very well edited with a good flow to it.

As far as the acting goes, am I the only one that noticed that "Beth" looked straight at the camera right in the beginning? But she did fine, otherwise. The hallway acting was average. And I really liked Zoe, she was firm and delivered her lines excellently.

Great job!!
 
I thought this was funny and interesting. It's in my good folder. I scored everything above average (on my scoring system) except for lighting and sound design which I scored as average.

The ending was 100% clear to me.

thanks guys

Jack
 
I think most of this stuff has already been said. I liked the nanyte concept, but putting it in the office setting with some unexperienced actors just didn't feel like the right move.

The pony tail guy reminded me of kevin smith. haha

I was a bit confused by the ending. His girlfriend died before the nanytes came around and he left her sitting in the chair? or was the girl brought back to life by the nanytes?

The lighting could be worked on. It looked like you used source lighting which made your film dark in some areas. For your next film, definitely allow yourself to play with the lighting a bit more.

Scrolling back up, I see someone mentioned the fish tank. I thought that was a great shot and there's a very strong element of symbolism there.

I enjoyed your film, it was entertaining! I feel that if you experimented with lighting and worked with your actors a bit more to get some solid believable lines out of them, you'll be rockin'! Over all, great job! Can't wait to see what you come up with for the next fest!
 
I didn't think much of the acting. And I found this interfered with the story. Or was it just that the story is confusing. I want to know who it was in the room
 
iSty--

As Jim hasn't for a while, I'll respond. (Note: SPOILERS!!! :) )

I *think* the story is fairly straightforward. Tiny invisible machines, called nanites, have been released into the world, and they will perform virtually any function. Tom has recently lost someone important to him. He comes to work, but seems lost and conflicted. It's revealed that he has been thinking a lot about the person he lost, and how they could have lived forever had they only lived a few more months. He is also concerned by a "mistake" he made that morning. He leaves, and we find that at home he has forcibly brought the person he lost back into his life using the nanites. Is she real? Is she just an image the nanites constructed from his mind? Is she a soulless zombie thing? That's what Tom wonders as he looks at what he's done and considers what he's lost. Fade to black. ;)
 
AAAAhaaa that explains its, and having watched the 'film' again it does actually make sense, although I'm still not too keen on the acting.

Was impressed I didn't see the camera in the double doors in the reception area though :)

I always look for camerapeople in glass
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