arielman...Kenenhskwas Onnhe (Soul Takers)

I think you definitely found an interesting angle with this story...
not to mention a subject matter not yet tapped into.
Congrats on that in itself (t'is not an easy thing to do.)

I liked your decision to shoot in black and white.
I think that choice gave way to your capturing some really nice shots.

From a writing standpoint I am trying to figure out why you
didn't just make some adaptions to your period setting...if you
couldn't secure the appropriate costumes, that is. As an example,
you could have had the setting moved to the 1930's, while still
offering us some of the colorful military history that had occurred
"on this very spot" as background. Also, by using a hunting/camping
party, you would have eliminated the need to show two actors as
an entire army division.

Just food for thought. Like I said, the Soul Takers angle was
unquestionable an original one, and one that you should
consider upping the ante with and reworking on a larger scale.
Hell, that is something I'd be interested in seeing.

Cheers
beer.gif
arielman
 
Good locations and weaponry! And quite a unique story. I liked the "Pa!" shot too.

I don't think you needed so many title cards, the story was basically people walking through the woods and getting attacked, then fighting. I don't se the reasoning for saying we were in different places with different people, I couldn't really tell between any of them.

Keep practicing guys and work on getting that editing tighter, I look forward to seeing more of your work.
 
I liked the overall look of this -- with the exception of the continuity issues with the weather (I could totally relate to that...) and the fact that the costumes were completely off for the time period. That shot where the boy yells "Pa!" -- that was your money shot (as many others here have noted). But, overall, I didn't get the story. I think it was probably an interesting idea, and I was frustrated that it didn't come across. Partly because there were just too many shots of the same thing over and over. I couldn't tell the actors apart so I didn't know who to care about, and I had no idea what was happening to them. Anyway, I think I am repeating what others have said, so I'll just add that I want to encourage you to maybe develop this idea more fully and rewrite, reshoot and re-edit your story because I think it could be really interesting, and I do like the quality of the cinematography a lot. For a second short, it's pretty great, and bottom line is, we all have things we would redo if we had the time and were able to have the same perspective in the moment of working on something that we are able to have after-the-fact... ;) So, definitely keep it up!
 
CallaghanFilms vbmenu_register("postmenu_439763", true);

The 1930's ,yes that would of worked as the Fort was rebuilt in 1938 if I remember correctly . Glad you liked the B/W .
Claire ( Pa) had suggessted after we had started filming we should of went to his Hunting camp . His camp maybe used for another later on .
I like your idea and this may have worked much better than mine but then it is up to me to pull it off.
I wish this was done in the summer as I wouldn't have had so many weather issues and delay's in filmimg But we did have fun and I am glad we did finish and submitted to the FEST. Hiccups and all.
To do this on a bigger scale and I would love to. I would need profesional help. Someone with another Camera and better Director skills than I .
A 20 min short would be nice .
All the guys at work loved the idea as well , the time period , the muskets and Bayonets and ALIENs.
Glad you liked the idea of this short, only if....

the-lyons-den.com

Getting comments and suggestions from you and from the many others here mean a lot to me .
Funny as you sit back and take in the suggestions we can see alternative beginings and endings . What I did wrong and what you all liked.
What upset me with this short was that lack of proper clothing , I really wanted that look for this time period ..live and learn .
Everything I have learned so far has been trial and error , including camera work , sound and editing . I guess you could call it Learn as you go .
I will continue to watch the many excellent shorts /grabs from members and listen to suggestions from you guys as well .
MsManhattan

The continunity issues was a real problem and I am glad you understand .
This had to be the weirdest Winter I can remember . One day snow , then rain ,freezing temps and temps up to 50 F.
The opening scene with all that snow was all but gone in approx 2 weeks , just when we had to film . We set out to film one Sat night ( night off) the temp fell to - 10 F..add wind chill to that and we called it off.
The scene in which the The Kid dreams of ,The day started off mild . Then the rain came , the temp fell , then snow .(you can here this in the clip)
My finger tips were sooo cold I could no longer feel the buttons on the camera . The musket missfired due to the powder being damp , the vent hole plugged (5/64 hole) and had to be cleaned ( try doing this with frozen fingers .lol). Plus we were all soaked and COLD.
This was not the best day we had .
Strange isn't it just a while ago we had no snow, the Temp was near 50 and N.Y gets hit with a nasty snow storm. We got none , weird.

I am glad you are telling me what you do not like or understand and what you do like .
If only one or 2 didn't understand OK I would n't worry so much but when everyone doesn't understand the story , Well that tells me something I really need to improve upon.
I Thank everyone for their Honest comments , suggestions and encouragement .

I must appologize to everyone if I haven't made it to you short yet . I am very slowly plugging away on the time I have .Hopefully Tues I can review a lot more ..Thanks again everyone .
Ian
 
BrianV said:
Yeah, it was a compliment ;)
Click to expand...

Thank You Brian .
Watching the films then trying to write a review takes sooo much time . Then go to post and I have re sign in again for the umpteenth time .

The Man from Hollywood sounds like a good one , I'll try tomorrow on my day off to view .
Ian
 
I really couldn't follow the story too well. I will have to watch it a second time to understand it fully. First thing I thought was "wow, these are some nice locations". Also-I wish you wouldn't have went B&W as it looked like some nice scenery. Some of the compositions were really good and I think would have looked great as still images (maybe you can post some color ones?). As a film, though, I really don't think it worked. The score was all over the place, the pacing was jumpy/hard to follow, the sound was kind of wonkey and the story was not very understandable. I DO think it is quite a step up from the zombie film though. I remember you had quite a few obstacles filming that one. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but like I always say: Your entry is way better than my Non-entry, and I'm sure you learned a hell of alot more than I did on this one. Tim.
 
I just did not like this piece

Perhaps with a more skilled helmer

But it did not work for me at all.

The photography, the sound, the story, the pacing....

None of it worked. Hated it.

Just being honest. .
 
I found the changes in weather really distracting and I thought I was being taken back and forth in time of something. I didnt really understand what was going on except that a spirit was hanging around.
The pee coats didnt look old enough so and it kept me from thinking i was in the 1800s. Sometimes you can find vintage clothes and stuff on ebay for cheap and if you try another period piece (which i think is one of the hardest things to do) you can try getting some stuff alittle closer to the time.
 
Hi Ian!

I haven't read any other reviews, so I am sorry if I repeat here!

I immensely enjoyed the overall look of your piece, washedout and kind of gray. It was interesting to look at it.

The on screen text was often too quickly removed. I'm a pretty fast reader but there were a few times I was barely half way through the text when it disappeared. I also felt many of the texts were unnecessary. You should tighten that up to one or two simple worded on screen texts.

I didn't believe it to be period which is a huge drawback taking me right out of the movie as soon as we see your actors. About the only thing other than some scenery and buildings that were convincing period was the weapons.

The fights and death scenes were either poorly staged or poorly edited. They didn't pack any punch.

The acting was fairly good through out. No one stood out as being really bad or really good, however.

Nice score, and good use of it. I enjoyed this a lot.

Towards the end when the character goes into the building and the light is on outside.... again, ruins the period feel...

My biggest, and most severe, gripe though is the story. I just didn't get what was happening and that made it very hard for me to care about anything I was watching.

Overall, a solid attempt with some really nice work and some good elements. Nice job!!!

-Robert
 
Ought2bCommitted
Robert glad you're still with us . I thought you were MIA . I was looking towards a film from you .
I won't go into much detail Robert as I will be just repeating myself .
The light bit bugged me BUT it was a very tigh shot , if I moved the camera one way another I would get Modern buildings or cars parked Nr by .
I do appreciate your view on this .Thanks Robert

Aram Bauman
Continunity ...Yup and please blame the weather on this .
Weirdest winter yet. We either have snow or we don't . This year was all screwed up . Not much we could do about it except not do this and I almost packed it in because of it . We had - 10 f temps . High winds ( 50mph) or Blizzards .This all caused No shoots .Frustrating !!!
All that snow in the scene which the men are running into was all but gone in the following 2 weeks .
I am afraid I do not have the Talent of NBC or The Yankee to make a good film in such a short time .
I am glad we still entered though , Faults and all.

Slimothy vbmenu_register("postmenu_441574", true);

Not sure if watching a 2nd time will help .
I'll post my idea for the story in short form Tomorrow .
In the mean time here was my log line .

It's 1812 and the battle for North America is underway.
3 men from the Pennsyvania Militia are the only ones left .They are being hunted and it's not the British.
Well kind of like that .
Thanks guys for you views
Ian
 
John_Hudson said:
I just did not like this piece

Perhaps with a more skilled helmer

But it did not work for me at all.

The photography, the sound, the story, the pacing....

None of it worked. Hated it.

Just being honest. .
Click to expand...

Thanks John .You couldn't be more Honest .

Ian
 
HEY IAN, WELL THE B/W DIDN'T WORK FOR ME I WOULD HAVE LIKED THE SCENERY IN COLOR BECAUSE THE STORY I COULDN'T FOLLOW. THE CHARACTERS WELL NOTHING ESTABLISHED. THE CONCEPT IS INTERESTING native american lore is to me) the clothing shoot man just put some effort into it go to the library. use cloth over the boot from payless. put a rag over that knitted hat and tie it under the chin. put a blanket cut in half make a half cape around the shoulders make that navy jacket look period. the bayonetting just have him raise it then cut into the victim getting impaled then back to him pulling it out. hitchcockish. i didn't see any possible bags, no powder horns. these guys were out in the woods with no bedding and no back pack and no canteen. you have the guns and nice ones too and they were flintlocks not cap and rifled. good try!
 
Nope, didn't like this one, didn't understand it at all, and with no disrespect, I don't even think I can be bothered to read the other comments.
 
You picked a pretty ambitious story to tell, and I'm not sure I really understood it. Or maybe I understood it but I kept waiting for the "gotcha" moment at the end.

Regardless, I thought you had some great locations and several really nice shots. (As well as one of the more creative premises in the fest)

I guess it's lacking in the execution somehow.

But I know how hard all of this is to pull off successfully. Geez, if you watched my entry you'll know what I mean :)

Anyway, your short is very ambitious. Nice job on picking such a difficult story and really going for it.
 
kimko vbmenu_register("postmenu_448121", true); ..Thanks for the suggestions .

Powder horns etc .didn't have acces to these until after the film was done .
I now have 2 powder Horns .O well ..next time .
As for the lack of bedding , they were to have lost these during the fight with the soul takers .
Ian
 
i kinda figured on th e bedding man i wish i knew what your story was about because i have so much period stuff. mtnman and indian and western 1800's
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top