Horncastle
Well-known member
You had a great story here Clarkage, and some clever ideas like the earthquakes and the snow. Zack is becoming a pretty good actor too. That said you have a quality problem, both with overcompression of the file and with overexposure. I wonder if you tried doing the latter on purpose to give a "washed out inside the glass" look. If you did, I'm afraid it didn't work.
It was an ambitious idea, trying to tell the story with just one young actor, and it was maybe a bit too much for both of you. I think you needed to tell the story through images and action as far as possible, reserving Zack's monologue to tell the audience what's happening only when you really couldn't find another better way. I don't think "Look Mum, it's snowing" was necessary, for example - we could already see that.
I also think you could have made the editing a bit tighter: you had some shots in there that could have been cut entirely, the CU of the grass with Zack behind out of focus at 1:37, for example.
Overall, a good job though. The original story made up for some of the shortcomings.
Jason
It was an ambitious idea, trying to tell the story with just one young actor, and it was maybe a bit too much for both of you. I think you needed to tell the story through images and action as far as possible, reserving Zack's monologue to tell the audience what's happening only when you really couldn't find another better way. I don't think "Look Mum, it's snowing" was necessary, for example - we could already see that.
I also think you could have made the editing a bit tighter: you had some shots in there that could have been cut entirely, the CU of the grass with Zack behind out of focus at 1:37, for example.
Overall, a good job though. The original story made up for some of the shortcomings.
Jason