"Fate of the Red Katana"

For me, the age of 16 yrs didnt bother me. I just assumed that he was trained from an early age for this one moment, forsaking all other facets of life. In that regard, he would seem emotionally younger, I think, and would also explain why he didnt jump into the fray. The fact that his father didnt seem to be looking for help from him made me feel the son was reacting as expected, according to his training.

I liked the story, make it longer and bigger. Good descriptions.
 
Some small cultural mistakes but i'm not an expert so no real complaints. Also, I'd like to learn more about the "lights" and how those work exactly. Other than that good story and well detailed, I'd like to see where it goes from the end.
 
Good description. Interesting world. Action was described well in a short amount of space. Wasn’t completely clear as to what the red light was doing or why Kenji failed, but the visuals of the scene caused me to want to know more, so not a bad thing either.

You mentioned that one should view this as an anime. I think it works well as live action as well. I did feel that some of the visuals were anime-ish, which is awesome because I happen to like anime.

On a technical note, on page 3 towards the bottom you have (beat) in parentheticals when it should just be in a line of description between the two pieces of dialogue. You also didn’t use CAPS on the title on the title page. Not sure if you have to in spec format but I always do just to be sure, plus it looks better in my opinion.

This should definitely get expanded into a longer narrative. Ending seemed somewhat open ended, but that is good because it has a lot of great potential for more drama to ensue. I would love to see more of the adventures of Michio and Kenji and whether Sayori actually carries out Bishamon’s orders.
 
I loved this one. Amazing visuals. Since I haven't seen much anime, I pictured live action and it played a little like Kill Bill, which, I might add, is one of my most favoritist movies of all time. ;)

I almost would have liked to see the roles reversed and have Sayomi be the one who protects her son and slaughters the 100 guards. I like strong females and it would have made sense. I do agree about the age, but not a big deal.

It would be great to read the rest of the story. One of my favorites. :)
 
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Very well written. Especially your descriptions and actions scenes (some of the best I have read here). Very visual. It read like a movie from the first sentence. Drew me in and held me till the end. You managed to fit a lot of story in a limited spot.

Some of the dialog didn't seem to fit the time/scene. But easily fixed.

Overall great work and good luck with it.
 
Thanks to everyone for the strong reviews. This is only my second written script (the first was for scriptfest 1) so I appreciate the feedback.

My biggest concern here was capturing correctly the finer cultural details of Japan. I love Japanese culture and try to read up on it as much as I can but there are always little subtleties that I won't be able to grasp simply because I am not Japanese and don't live there. So any advice people can offer on the cultural side is much appreciated.

I definitely hope to continue this. Like I said earlier I had this idea for sometime. My goal is to spin this into a large Manga or Anime but we will see where that goes.
 
jamiejay said:
I almost would have liked to see the roles reversed and have Sayomi be the one who protects her son and slaughters the 100 guards. I like strong females and it would have made sense. I do agree about the age, but not a big deal.
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I thought about that at first and for this short section it probably wouldn't have made a difference. But in the context of the whole story I have in mind it changes the context a lot.

I wanted the father to protect and save his son. That way I can explore the father and son relationship while the two are running. Also, having the mother be who she is I can also exlpore her dilemma of having to hunt down and kill her own husband and son in the larger story. If the roles were reversed than it would have less of an impact.
 
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