Second Chance - by Darrell Ah Yong

Hey everyone thanks for the feedback. I have to say that the learning curve on this one was steep and there is alot I want to try, change, and improve on in the next one. All of your suggestions are really helpful.
 
I liked the transition from color to B&W. I thought that helped tell the story. I also liked the close ups on the pendant dropping and the shift in focus to the lead. But the story was predictable and the dialog was a bit forced. And it didn’t feel like the music carried the same emotion that the story had.
 
I agree with the others that there's a lot of potential here. You seem to have a grasp of some key fundamentals so you can keep building up from there. Everybody pretty much covered the issues that I had with the film but keep 'em comin'.
 
Cool ideas in this one. The theme of redemption is prevalent throughout this. The last shot was pretty funny also.

Keep making films.
 
I really liked the concept, although overall execution didn't do it for me. I watched this one with a friend of mine who felt the same and was also very excited about the concept -- definitely something you could revisit!
 
mentatDUKE said:
Cool ideas in this one. The theme of redemption is prevalent throughout this. The last shot was pretty funny also.

Keep making films.
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Thanks for watching my short. When I was editing the last shot I couldn't help laughing every time I saw it - bit of a dvxuser inside joke. Surprisingly I never did get board of it all through editing. It still makes me laugh.
 
jojopop said:
I really liked the concept, although overall execution didn't do it for me. I watched this one with a friend of mine who felt the same and was also very excited about the concept -- definitely something you could revisit!
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Thanks for watching my short. I actually based this story on a dream that I had. The sequence of events was the same, not including the last shot, but the content was very different - still dealt with loss though. Yeah, the execution definitly needs some work and I am keeping all of the suggestions that I have received in the front of my mind for the next festival.
 
kurtmo said:
I liked the transition from color to B&W. I thought that helped tell the story. I also liked the close ups on the pendant dropping and the shift in focus to the lead. But the story was predictable and the dialog was a bit forced. And it didn’t feel like the music carried the same emotion that the story had.
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I am happy to hear that the B&W worked for you. I wasn't sure how that would come across as it occupies a large part of the short. The pendant shots were really key to linking my story togeather so I am pleased that the shots made an impressions. Yeah the story was a bit predictable. Seemed more dramatic and unexpected when I first thought about it, but my execution probably took away from it abit. I had real problems with finding the right music. I have considered making my next short around a music piece instead of finding a royalty free piece that matches what I am trying to do.
 
Interesting story idea - I haven't read your thread yet... so I don't know what others have said - but here are my thoughts:

Okay, first off - the last shot was pretty funny.
Not sure that it fit the mood of the piece you had going...but that was really funny to me.

Interesting story.
I would have liked to have seen a little more at the start before you go to B&W.
The transition seemed awfully quick - we were only 9 seconds in before you faded out and came back into the B&W.

Overall, while I liked the story, I felt the dialogue was a bit too telling - and I could see where it was going from the moment she spoke her first line. I think if the pace were picked up a bit and the dialogue were a little more sparce that it would have helped keep me on the hook for longer.

Your shots seem solid - compositions looked good, as did the coverage, and the edit in their dialoge was smooth.
I wasn't really aware of the cuts - so that's a good thing.
:)


Looking foward to checking out more from you in the next fest.
 
Thanks for watching my short. I agree that the start was pretty quick. I had initally planned on having a much longer lead in, but I had to cut about 1.5 minutes off - almost all from the beginning to fit the story into the 6 minute time frame. I looked at cutting other scenes, but as my short is mostly a dialogue cutting any of the dialogue would mess up the flow - something I am going to have to plan better to counteract in my next short. I also agree that the dialogue was pretty telling and I plan on using more subtle inferences and images to tell the story next time. I am so greatful for all of the critique that I have received so far. It really helps me identify what worked well and not so well for you all. This site is awesome.

Luis Caffesse said:
Interesting story idea - I haven't read your thread yet... so I don't know what others have said - but here are my thoughts:

Okay, first off - the last shot was pretty funny.
Not sure that it fit the mood of the piece you had going...but that was really funny to me.

Interesting story.
I would have liked to have seen a little more at the start before you go to B&W.
The transition seemed awfully quick - we were only 9 seconds in before you faded out and came back into the B&W.

Overall, while I liked the story, I felt the dialogue was a bit too telling - and I could see where it was going from the moment she spoke her first line. I think if the pace were picked up a bit and the dialogue were a little more sparce that it would have helped keep me on the hook for longer.

Your shots seem solid - compositions looked good, as did the coverage, and the edit in their dialoge was smooth.
I wasn't really aware of the cuts - so that's a good thing.
:)


Looking foward to checking out more from you in the next fest.
Click to expand...
 
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