Dupe (my would have been SpyFest Entry)

Cory Braun

Cory Braun

Well-known member
Hey all. I am about 90-95% done with my 2nd DVX short film Dupe. I was originally going to make it for the DVXuser spyfest but that was right around finals for me so I ended up making it later. I am looking for some feedback. I did not write it or make the music, but I did pretty much everything else so I can change almost anything. Any comments or whatever would be helpful (editing, sound fx, etc.).

Edit: Just thought I would throw it out there, my budget was less then $100.

Edit: On a side note, every time I have exported this to a DVD (final cut pro, dvd studio pro) everything kind of looks really lagged. I know that when you move the camera it creates a kind of lag when your filming in 24p but this looks really bad. Does anyone have any advice on the best way to export and burn using final cut pro and dvd studio pro?

Edit: What genre would you consider this?

Newer version: http://corybraun.com/d95.htm

Older version: http://corybraun.com/d9095.htm
 
Last edited:
Hey,

LOVED the torturing scenes. Awesome.

Sound and CC need to be worked on. I think it was to blue, and to contrasted in most areas. Some shots were to dark as well.

Nice short, I liked it.
 
It was too dark in most shots. It also seemed that the contrast levels bounced around a bunch. In some shots the blacks were light gray, while in others they were pure black.

I thought it was a pretty over-used premise but you did manage to keep me entertained. I watched all the way through and I usually wouldn't. Acting is reasonable for a short like this, and I "believed" it enough to keep watching.

The sound effects were pretty cheesy and fake sounding. The rest of the audio was good, but I could tell which sounds were bought/folly.

Keep up the good work. This is good for your second short. :)
 
Robbie Comeau said:
Hey,

LOVED the torturing scenes. Awesome.

Sound and CC need to be worked on. I think it was to blue, and to contrasted in most areas. Some shots were to dark as well.

Nice short, I liked it.
Click to expand...

Thanks. At first I only had the last part in blue, but then I really liked the cold look of it so I made the rest of it more blue. Is there another color you think I could go with for the rest of the film?

And yes, the sound is one thing that I have barely worked on yet. It's my least favorite thing to do.
 
Drew Ott said:
It was too dark in most shots. It also seemed that the contrast levels bounced around a bunch. In some shots the blacks were light gray, while in others they were pure black.

I thought it was a pretty over-used premise but you did manage to keep me entertained. I watched all the way through and I usually wouldn't. Acting is reasonable for a short like this, and I "believed" it enough to keep watching.

The sound effects were pretty cheesy and fake sounding. The rest of the audio was good, but I could tell which sounds were bought/folly.

Keep up the good work. This is good for your second short. :)
Click to expand...

What would you think if I didn't use any sound effects for the torture scene? I considered that at first but then decided to put in some sound effects.

Also, do you know a good place to get sound effects? Almost all of the sound effects I used were just free ones that I googled and from Soundtrack pro.

Thanks for the comments.
 
I'm not sure of the place to get the proper sound effects for your short in particular. A lot of people have success with www.sounddogs.com .

Foley can be pretty useful. This way you can get sound effects with the same microphones you used on set so that they sound authentic.

Not all of the effects were bad. It's just some of the torture sound effects sound like stomping in a big bowl of jell-o.
 
Drew Ott said:
I'm not sure of the place to get the proper sound effects for your short in particular. A lot of people have success with www.sounddogs.com .

Foley can be pretty useful. This way you can get sound effects with the same microphones you used on set so that they sound authentic.

Not all of the effects were bad. It's just some of the torture sound effects sound like stomping in a big bowl of jell-o.
Click to expand...

Thanks, I found some on there that might work.
 
I added a newer version. For those who are watching it, could you tell me if you like it better with the blue tint throughout the movie (the older version) or if you like the blue tint just during the last part (the newer version). Thanks.
 
really good, loved some of the dolly shots.
i agree with Ott about it being an over used premise, but non the less i still watched it all the way through an really enjoyed it.

the cheezy sound effects really do take away from the whole movie though.

but over all really good job
 
Mcph55 said:
really good, loved some of the dolly shots.
i agree with Ott about it being an over used premise, but non the less i still watched it all the way through an really enjoyed it.

the cheezy sound effects really do take away from the whole movie though.

but over all really good job
Click to expand...

Thanks for the feedback. If you could tell me which sound effects specifically you didn't like, that would be really helpful. Also did you watch the newer version or the older version? I changed some of the sound effects in the newer version. Do you think maybe I should just take some of the sound effects out? I am having a very difficult time finding sound effects that fit the torture scenes. And just out of curiosity, what made you continue to watch it even though it was an over used premise? Again, thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it.

Anyone else who is watching, I'd really appreciate your feedback as well. I am trying to complete the short this week and could really use everyone's feedback. If anyone has time to watch the newer version and the older version, could you tell me if you like the blue tint throughout the movie or just at the end?
 
I thought this short was pretty good with a creative story. Yeah, the torture thing has been done before, but how many cool stories can you tell of this genre with a limited amount of time, money, locations, actors and etc. I thought the sound effects for the torture stuff with the hole punch was right on. To me only the punch sounds needed to be redone, especially the gut shots. I've used sounddogs.com before, and their stuff is okay, but I would keep searching google. I ended up buying a professional sound effects library with like 15 CDs (1 with fight sounds), because I was tired of searching and trying to buy 1 or 2 sound effects at a time that weren't really movie quality. Cost about $400, but the ones I got are pretty good. Check out my link to "The Unassumed" and listen to the effects in the fight scene. If you can't find any good ones PM me and I'll try and upload some.

I didn't really notice anything about the CC, but I did notice the acting. It was good in places and in some places a little inconsistent. What I mean by that is you might see the guy acting one way in one cut/shot and then be different in the next cut/shot. Like when the girl (her acting was very good, nice legs too) was walking to the guy tied up at the beginning - he was just sitting there like nothing was happening or about to happen. If he's supposed to be cool, because he knows something we don't, that's fine, but he had absolutely no expression at all. Sometimes as an actor you may feel it, but the camera doesn't see it. It's your job as an actor to make sure that the camera does see it.

The blood and torture stuff was excellent. How'd ya' do that?

I really liked the last shot (gun) at the end and the camera angle. You could have ended it right there.

The only other thing I saw was the POV shot of the guy tied up at the beginning. It would be better if maybe that shot was at the very beginning or just not in there at all. If you went from the shot of the guy with the ball took out the POV and went right to the tied up guy's close-up, I think that would be better. The POV shot just seemed out of place.

Like I said, good short. Kept me entertained throughout.
 
The hole puncher sounds would be quite easy to make yourself. Just hole punch a thin steak or raw piece of meat.
 
I think all of the sound FX (like the pinching and hitting and clipping) sounded cheezy... my suggestion is if you can't find good quality ones on the internet. just make your own, nothing beats custom recorded sound FX, it will really make it sound authentic. when doing the sound you really need to be aware of the cadence of the sound, that is the "quality" of the sound.

For instance listen to a clipping sound... i would suggest lowering the level just a tad, so it fits the overall sound level. it may be that loud when clipping paper but i would imagine it would be more muffled when cutting through flesh. Also right after he asks what time it is and the guy swings to punch him, there is a whistling sound meant to portray the arm swing... that is completely un-necessary and cartoonish, you might as well put text on the screen that reads "KAPOW" "SPLAT" "WHAM!" hahah im just messing with you but seriously, sound is key and if done wrong can take a lot away from your film


hope this helps



PS i watched the newer version
 
leenewton said:
I thought this short was pretty good with a creative story. Yeah, the torture thing has been done before, but how many cool stories can you tell of this genre with a limited amount of time, money, locations, actors and etc. I thought the sound effects for the torture stuff with the hole punch was right on. To me only the punch sounds needed to be redone, especially the gut shots. I've used sounddogs.com before, and their stuff is okay, but I would keep searching google. I ended up buying a professional sound effects library with like 15 CDs (1 with fight sounds), because I was tired of searching and trying to buy 1 or 2 sound effects at a time that weren't really movie quality. Cost about $400, but the ones I got are pretty good. Check out my link to "The Unassumed" and listen to the effects in the fight scene. If you can't find any good ones PM me and I'll try and upload some.

I didn't really notice anything about the CC, but I did notice the acting. It was good in places and in some places a little inconsistent. What I mean by that is you might see the guy acting one way in one cut/shot and then be different in the next cut/shot. Like when the girl (her acting was very good, nice legs too) was walking to the guy tied up at the beginning - he was just sitting there like nothing was happening or about to happen. If he's supposed to be cool, because he knows something we don't, that's fine, but he had absolutely no expression at all. Sometimes as an actor you may feel it, but the camera doesn't see it. It's your job as an actor to make sure that the camera does see it.

The blood and torture stuff was excellent. How'd ya' do that?

I really liked the last shot (gun) at the end and the camera angle. You could have ended it right there.

The only other thing I saw was the POV shot of the guy tied up at the beginning. It would be better if maybe that shot was at the very beginning or just not in there at all. If you went from the shot of the guy with the ball took out the POV and went right to the tied up guy's close-up, I think that would be better. The POV shot just seemed out of place.

Like I said, good short. Kept me entertained throughout.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the feedback. Yea, if you could upload some of those sound effects that would be great because I have had a really hard time finding good ones. I sent you a PM.

Some of the blood was homemade and others I got from some website for pretty cheap. And his bruise on his face that he had throughout the short was just a mix of makeup and face paint. This was the first time I have done makeup so I was really happy the way all that came out.

I was also very happy with the acting. I had worked with both the guy who played Robin (the main guy) and Mikey before in little high school things I made, but they both really impressed me. I had never worked with Ms. Green before and I thought she really came through as well.

Which shot at the end were you talking about?

Thanks for the advice, and if you could upload some of the effects that would help me out so much.
 
HBlack said:
The hole puncher sounds would be quite easy to make yourself. Just hole punch a thin steak or raw piece of meat.
Click to expand...

I'll try that, but I think you may be over estimating the power of a hole puncher (or maybe I am just really weak). Thanks for the feedback.
 
Mcph55 said:
I think all of the sound FX (like the pinching and hitting and clipping) sounded cheezy... my suggestion is if you can't find good quality ones on the internet. just make your own, nothing beats custom recorded sound FX, it will really make it sound authentic. when doing the sound you really need to be aware of the cadence of the sound, that is the "quality" of the sound.

For instance listen to a clipping sound... i would suggest lowering the level just a tad, so it fits the overall sound level. it may be that loud when clipping paper but i would imagine it would be more muffled when cutting through flesh. Also right after he asks what time it is and the guy swings to punch him, there is a whistling sound meant to portray the arm swing... that is completely un-necessary and cartoonish, you might as well put text on the screen that reads "KAPOW" "SPLAT" "WHAM!" hahah im just messing with you but seriously, sound is key and if done wrong can take a lot away from your film


hope this helps



PS i watched the newer version
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice. The reason I had the whistle sound was to kind of distract from how staged the punch-grab looked. I was very happy with all the other fighting, but that one thing looked pretty staged so I thought if I added a sound effect it would distract from that. But if you think it sound that ridiculous I will definitely reconsider taking it out.

In my newer version (not the one on the internet, the one I am working on) I have lowered the volume to all the squishing sounds for the torturing. I think it definitely sounds better, but if I could find better sound effects I'd be a lot happier.

The problem with creating my own sound fx is that it's really hard for me to think what I could do to make the hole punching sound effect. As I said in the post above, I'll try to hole punch some meat but I don't think a hole punch can do it.

Your feedback helped a lot, so thank you, and if you have any other comments please feel free to share them.

Thank you to everyone who has been responding. As most of you can tell, sound is probably one of my biggest weaknesses. So any help that anyone has I really appreciate it.
 
Cory Braun said:
Which shot at the end were you talking about?

Thanks for the advice, and if you could upload some of the effects that would help me out so much.
Click to expand...

I didn't wanna' spoil it for anybody that hadn't watched it, but I was talking about after the last gunshot. Just a thought. Good job. Also, I PMed you.
 
I'm more of a story analyst as I have little experience with filmaking.

Obviously- a hot chick torturing a guy is a big hook. Then you have a hopeless situation turn around, hook number two. Then you have revenge. ABC revenge plot. I liked it.

Criticisms: (spoilers)

1. The ejecting of the magazine at the end was distracting. Simply walking away would have been fine.

2. I didn't buy the final kill. There was clearly a line you weren't willing to cross. Graphic torture was apparently fine- but our victim- the kinda guy who actually laughs when he's being tortured, who was profiled for the job for his rare characteristics- who even has the line of dialogue, you know where he uses the "v" word, makes it clean and quick? Sorry, didn't fit. IMO this was a big mistake as the central premise of the piece was little fish gobbling up big fish. You could easily have used a little artistic license rather than showing the gore given the extremeness of the subject which has now gone from mere torture to something else- but I think the final shot of the guy walking away would have had way more impact and wow factor if you were sitting there going "holy crap" rather than "why did he give her a pass? And why is he ejecting the ammo, he's still in danger."
 
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