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Michael Anthony Horrigan

Michael Anthony Horrigan

More Cowbell Pictures
Hey guys! I just finished a rough cut for a new short film I shot on Thursday.
Very new at this sort of thing.

Just 13 MB's

EDIT: Some offensive language.

Comments are more than welcome.

Nice forum btw...

Mike
 
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ok I dont know your level of experience but it seems you have some very bad dissolves and cuts there, you need to use continuity so that the scenes flow from one to the next, you framing is wrong specialy where the doc is talking on the phone and the lcd of the computer shows the windows xp logo moving around, that is distracting to the scene, acting could of been a lot better, specially with the second doc, that expression that he made is not funny
thats my .02
 
24fps4ever said:
ok I dont know your level of experience but it seems you have some very bad dissolves and cuts there, you need to use continuity so that the scenes flow from one to the next, you framing is wrong specialy where the doc is talking on the phone and the lcd of the computer shows the windows xp logo moving around, that is distracting to the scene, acting could of been a lot better, specially with the second doc, that expression that he made is not funny
thats my .02
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That was quick! Well... I mentioned my experience above. This is my third short film. All of which have been created almost entirely by myself, I managed to get some friends to act in this one for me.

EDIT: I also have zero training in this area, just learning as I go.

It's supposed to be a little over the top... sorry you didn't like it.

I'm using an old camcorder to shoot with, no other equipment.

I do appreciate the comments though...

Mike
 
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Interesting short.

It was alright for a short. I didn't really find it funny though, which I suspect it was supposed to be. I mean I could see the times when it was supposed to be funny, but it kinda surpassed me. I actually felt really sorry for chuck a few times rather than laughing at the situation.

If you were trying to make it funny and dramatic, it's not a good mix to try early on. Stick with one genre and go with it. As you experiment with dramas you can start to mix and match. Unless the part with the sad piano music part was supposed to be funny?

24fps is right about the dissolves and framing. Remember, never use fancy wipes (unless you're doing a star wars wipe for a comedy), and only use cuts or fades/dissolves, but work hard on your dissolves and try to not always fade to a black frame, but to another frame. Even then it's tricky, cause dissolves can make your film look unproffesional, especially if you use them often. You have to feel for the dissolves. I just try to avoid them all together, unless it's a long fade to black for some emotional scene.

Good job with the disolves in the waiting room though. Very proffesional.

Wasn't great, but wasn't terrible either. Learn from it and make you're next film 10 times beter! Every film you make should surpass the last by several times, or else you're not trying. :) That's how I like to think about it.

If acting is the problem, remember that half of acting comes from the director. If you want to work with more proffesional actors, or at least beter actors than your friends, post up bulletins or talk to local acting schools/classes and get some people interested. More than likely you'll have to hold auditions because so many people will be interested. That's how I got an actor for my third film, and 3 actors for my fourth.

Also remember about timing as well. Not just timing in comedy cues, but just overall film timing. Some parts dragged too long. It felt like there was a lot of scenes that just felt too long. Talking to the other doctor for no reason. We established that he was going to die, and that he was waiting out in the waiting room, but there was nothing else, thus it shouldn't have been 3 minutes IMO.

Since it's a rough cut then I'm assuming you haven't put the music yet. Try something light hearted since it seems to be a comedy. Not the music you currently have.
 
Jon, thanks for that! That was very constructive.

Yes, this is just a rough cut, I'm working on a much longer cut so the transitions should be smooth. I had to whittle it down from 6 minutes to 3 for a friendly contest. I did that is a short time... hack and slash...

;)

I welcome more comments!

BTW, it's not supposed to be dramatic at all... I find it hard to belive that someone could get that from this clip. :)
 
Kyser said:
BTW, it's not supposed to be dramatic at all... I find it hard to belive that someone could get that from this clip. :)
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Well I got that it was a comedy, but the problem was that it was a serious problem, about someone dying, and it wasn't very funny IMO. I mean yeah, it's dark humor, but I think dark humor and I think "dead like me". It's just a silly way to look at death.

The movie is a bit unfunny IMO and thus I wondered if you wanted it to be dramatic as well. Plus the music didn't help. Dead Like Me makes sure to use fun silly music to help emphasise that it's a comedy.

I'd really like to see this with fun silly music because I'm very curious of how it'll make it different. Be sure to show us the final product. Perhaps good music is all this movie needs, as well as cutting out a few parts.

EDIT: Saw it again, let me rephrase it. Some parts were actually funny. I loved when the doctor was trying to jet from one side to another as an example, trying to avoid the patient. But the music made me feel sorry for the patient more than anything. Here's an example where you really need to make the music change, cause the movie can be funny, but the music tells us how we should be feeling at this point.
 
I agree, it kinda fell flat. Needs more absurdity. Maybe the doctor goes to even more ridiculous lengths to avoid the patient, while the patient pursues him relentlessly until the doctor is finally cornered, and then the punchline. I dunno.
 
waaaay too dramatic.. the tone was all wrong and the sense of absurdity wasn't established. Also, any voices on the phone really need to be recorded separately instead of from the telephone, then you actually have control over what we heard. that was a huge distraction,especially since we couldn't hear a word from the telephone.
 
puck, You can't hear what is said from the other person on the phone??

I can hear it quite clearly....

If you can't hear what the people on the phone are saying then you are missing a lot.

I'm working on a re-edit with different music and footage.
We'll see what happens...

BTW, the phone calls were recorded separately and a "telephone" filter was added in After Effects.

Can anyone else NOT hear the guy on the other end of the phone?

Thanks for this guys...
 
I had a bit of trouble hearing the guys voice over the phone. Try and make it at the same level as the guy talking. Remember that you know what the guy on the phone is saying, therefore you can hear it just fine. We can hear it but we have trouble making out what he says cause we don't know what he's saying.

But HappyGobbo is right. What this needs less of is talking on the phone, and more avoiding the patient.

It would have been funny if the patient saw the doctor and chased him around a corner, and suddenly the doctor isn't there. We pan to a trashcan and the lid open and we see the doctor's eyes.

Perhaps he hides behind a plant and tries to jump from one plant to another, but obviously he's not concealing himself. The patient says "doctor?" The doctor stands up, tries to look calm, but then runs away to his office.

Try to cut out what drags it too long, if you have new footage try to add it in. Try to really make it seem like he's avoiding this patient and doing whatever he can to do it. And put in different music for sure.
 
for a second there i thought i was being hard on Kvser. glad to see I'm not the only one having trouble hearing the voice.

dude understand that as filmakers we ALL endure criticism and any flaws wespot,we're just trying to mostly give tips on how to improve the final product.

give it another look and you'll se that allof the advice that has been given so far can really help to improve the movie. You have good potential and you should definitely keep it up, and keep improving.
 
Yeah, he seems to be taking it well. I'd rather be honest than say "Oh it was great" or "oh, it was intertesting" and provide nothing constructive.

It's nicer to be honest...
 
more realistic too. if you enter it into a contest or a festival, and it's not up to par.. well it can just get embarrassing at that point. we're the first line of defense here so we should be proud to serve! :D

dude, you got some nice shots in there and your composition is pretty nice. It's all about the editing after that so you're definitely on the right track
 
Yeah he's on the right track. As long as he takes everyone's opinions and uses them for his next film, and for the re-edit of this film, he'll be alright.
 
You guys are awesome, no doubt.

I was serious about the phone call voice... I thought everyone could hear it.
I'm working on that now...

I've also made a few edits that might help give the impression of how much time has passed. That and the clearer phone calls should make it clear that he's trying to avoid him.

I appreciate all of this guys!

No harm done at all...


Thanks,

Mike
 
hey man dont get bummed by the comments, its honest critisism and it will make you a better director believe me, this is your film school right here, dvxuser.com there is nothing that deals with cine that has not been discussed here before so I encurage you to search the foroum one topic at a time, start with audio, then lighting then framing, you gotta learn to walk all over again man, thats how this works, but congrats on your short, you did it and thats half the battle, now if you cant fix it, concentrate on your next project to make it 10 times better
 
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i can write a book on all of the mistakes i've made, the biggest one being sound. I'm still doing looping for the dialog on my second feature and believe me, that's not an easy task, so you want to avoid it at all costs by gettign good location sound.

oh the stories I can tell...
 
music is still too dramatic and builds us up for action or some huge moment when it needs to be playful and quirky. Also the radio or whatever was in the background was distracting and could stand to be replaced with whimsical or quirky music. it will set the tone for the entire piece and have us ready to have fun fun fun when watching... silence and room tone is generally used for dramatic pieces which this is clearly not.

i could hear the phone voice this time, but I think the compression is too much and we can almost nothear what he has to say... even at lower volumes we should be still able to hear the dude on the phone, so take that into consideration.

It's getting there, but the music is the one thing that gooing to kill it or make it
 
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