AFTERWARD - New Short Film Shot On The DVX.

ktdmoviemaker

ktdmoviemaker

Well-known member
Hi Everyone,

Below is a short film fresh off the DV Tape stock, called Afterward. I wrote, directed, shot and cut it. We are submitting it to several festivals. The rule is 5 MINUTES or less. Kudos to the lead actor, Brett A. Newton for all his help. He's more than an actor, he's a film guy.


UPDATE: 3RD VERSION
http://web.mac.com/kdmotion/iWeb/Site 17/AFTERWARD.html


Enjoy,

-Kristopher
 
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Wow, I was very impressed by this short. The story is very well focused and doesn't try to do too much with too little time. The sound and the editing, I thought, were well done. The cinematography was interesting as well. It wasn't too stylized or overly done, though a tad bit overexposed at times, but maybe that's what you were going for. Either way, I enjoyed it and thought it was done well.

Good short. :thumbsup:

Edit: oh, forgot to mention, I thought the lead actor Brett A. Newton did a fine job as well. Nothing spectacular, but he didn't go over-the-top either; sits comfortably in between.
 
I liked this too. The actor did a good job. I "believed" him and that's what matters. Good story, well done. Love'd to see a higher quality version online, Ifilm makes everything look like #hit. Thanks. One thing... I woulda cut out the opening cell phone conversation and just put a EVICTION NOTICE on the passenger seat. Have him glance at it, then pull out the gun. Maybe a picture of his girfriend behind the sun visor. If he had other dialogue in the short, the opening dialogue woulda been fine, but I think if he's not going to talk in 98% of the short, he shouldn't talk at all, keep it all visual.
 
I agree with Shamrock. The short won me over but the beginning was really offputting. Too much exposition. We get what he is going to do. No need to explain it. The eviction notice would be enough.
 
i like it! cool twilight zone twist. only small thing i was wondering though was his reason for going back inside to kill the purp when he coulda saved his own butt and get outta dodge. either way, good job man.
 
Vampiresoup said:
I agree with Shamrock. The short won me over but the beginning was really offputting. Too much exposition. We get what he is going to do. No need to explain it. The eviction notice would be enough.
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Agreed. Let the audience assume his motivations and why he is there by giving them clues that help tie it all together. A phone call seems like something that this character wouldn't be doing right before a robbery. He seems more like the type that would need to sit and focus for a few minutes, and build his courage.

It still works, but the dialogue there is definately a little forced and says too much. Perhaps cut it down to just a single line that may guide the viewers in the right direction?
 
Thanks so much to everyone. What great feedback! I appreciate you all taking the time to share your thoughts on our film. I have no way of re-shooting to add the cutaway of the eviction notice (great idea by the way.) But will work on cutting down the dialogue. The overexposure is from a "nattress bleach filter." A much higher resolution file will be online in a few days.

More feedback is always welcome. Thanks again to everyone, for taking time to watch and leave comments.

Have a great day,

-Kristopher
 
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ktdmoviemaker said:
I have no way of re-shooting to add the cutaway of the eviction notice (great idea by the way.)

-Kristopher
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It is quite possible to cut out the phone conversation entirely. The link is an example of how I would do it.

As far as the eviction notice goes: Shoot the eviction notice continuing to fall on the floor (there's already a piece of paper that falls out of the glove box in the scene you shot. You can shoot it anywhere, doesn't need to be in the same car or location. I hope the animation helps. Good luck.

http://www.shamrockfilms.com/evict.gif
 
Wow! That is so awesome. Thank you so much for taking time to do that. Great eye, catching the paper. I'm going to run it by a few people.

Thanks again,

-Kris
 
FilmBoy77 said:
i like it! cool twilight zone twist. only small thing i was wondering though was his reason for going back inside to kill the purp when he coulda saved his own butt and get outta dodge. either way, good job man.
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Thank you very much! Good question. The reason he goes back inside is because he is not a "bad guy." The hesitation when he walks into the restaurant to pull his gun out and rob the place shows us that he is not an "experienced professional," and has a heavy conscience about what he is preparing to do. When he chooses to walk back inside the restaurant he remembers what he heard in the bathroom and that someone is going to get shot in that room. He simply wants to assist in preventing that. Also, it's cool to watch. ;)

Thanks,

-Kristopher
 
ktdmoviemaker said:
Also, it's cool to watch. ;)
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ya thas all that really matters in the end. it's entertainment not real life. what kinda mics did you use and did you use any lighting besides natural sunlight when inside the restaurant?
 
Hey, I really dug this. Really effective script. Lots of twists and turns for a 5 minute short.

Have to admit, almost turned it off since it started like so many other amateur shorts. The blown out video look was in full effect, so I assumed the quality of writing would be similar. But it was really well written. Nice story.

I would take out the sound when he first goes into the food joint and replace it with all new sound cause at the moment it sounds very "on camera mic". And try to darken the whole thing with color correction. You have something here, but the visuals need to improve a little to keep up with the story.

Oh, and I liked the score at the end as well. Good choice.

How did you get that location?

Oh yeah, and I too though that the person he heard in the bathroom yelling was himself. I thought that was cool as hell. If you ever wanted to make a shorter version, you could end it with him leaving after being in the bathroom and it would be just as powerful. Having the other guy come in afterwards was cool too. Oh, and I agree with the others. Phone conversation for exposition in beginning is kind of sloppy writing. I think you can go with Shamrock's Phantom Edit version but I don't even think you need the eviction notice. I mean, we just look at this guy's face and we know he's in a bad situation and he's doing this only because he has to. Just my opinion though.
 
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FilmBoy77 said:
ya thas all that really matters in the end. it's entertainment not real life. what kinda mics did you use and did you use any lighting besides natural sunlight when inside the restaurant?
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I used my trusty Sennheiser 416. The audio may sound weird in some spots because of the compression. But when you watch it uncompressed, I assure you it's good.

We didn't use any special lighting, besides the good ol' sun. Again, the overexposure is due to a bleach filter.
 
c.g._eads said:
Hey, I really dug this. Really effective script. Lots of twists and turns for a 5 minute short.

Have to admit, almost turned it off since it started like so many other amateur shorts. The blown out video look was in full effect, so I assumed the quality of writing would be similar. But it was really well written. Nice story.

Oh, and I liked the score at the end as well. Good choice.

How did you get that location?
Click to expand...


Thank you very much. The location is owned by my buddies dad, so we just showed up in the morning before customers piled in.

"The blown out video look." Hmmm, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I should get rid of that bleach filter... If I cut out the dialogue in the first scene, do you all think the film would be more engaging right away? Even with no "Eviction Notice?"

Thanks again for everyone's time to comment, keep them coming,

-Kristopher
 
i see what they're saying about the exposition but it didnt necessarly slap me in the face as if he was saying "i'm about to go rob this place so we dont get evicted, i'll call you right back." jus one guy's opinion though. it can still be fixed by doing what the other poster advise u do though so it'll still turn out cool.
 
Yeah, have him pull up, cut to the view of him from behind staring at the restaruant. I'd even put it in slow motion, add a heart beat in there, have him reach down for the gun in slow motion, then when he's about to stick the gun in his jacket go back to normal speed and jam on DEATH METAL music as he exits the car, all the wayup to the restaruant door. The instant he opens the door cut the death metal music (Like he was revved up to do the robbery but he chickened out). Then I'd throw this baby in Magic Bullet and add a "Mexicali" filter.
http://www.redgiantsoftware.com/lookguide.html
 
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