"Lakeside" - by: Matt Thompson & Justin R. Durban
- Thread starter Edgen
- Start date
Lingothree
Well-known member
Sure - and keep in mind, it was still better than most in the festival. Just wasn't on par with the rest of the production values of this short.
:24 - you cut to a shot of the dog's face before faces of any of your actors. they should be the focus, not the dog (even though he's the one to get knocked off first).
~:36 - I would have liked to see a cut back to the shot of the white SUV, to contextualize that this is the person pulling the kids over. As is, it felt like the white SUV was just a car full of their buddies out racing.
~:51 - second shot of car approaching rock came just a moment too late (or you should have cut away from first rock shot sooner)
1:23 - I'd dump the shot of the blonde girl waiting for the sheriff to arrive - makes you feel like she's the one the sheriff is going to approach, and there's really not a reason to include it. In fact, I would have dumped the previous two reaction shots of the two in the backseat (when the car stops) and replaced it with a reaction shot of the blonde girl (since she is presumably his girlfriend, and thus the one whose opinion he should value the most).
I would have tightened up all the edits in the sheriff/car scene - it drags just a tiny bit.
2:37 - the cut from one shot of the sheriff to a tighter shot didn't do it for me.
3:51 - cut to shot of dog is a little off-putting and w/o context. Would have been better from another angle, so you could see them entering the cabin in the background.
4:32 - I lost the context for where she was, so when they pull her into the cabin it was a bit disorienting. It continues to be a little clunky during that whole sequence where they bring her in, the monster tries to enter and they slam the door shut. Would've been great if you could have cut back to a reverse angle close up on her face reacting to door, to clean things up a bit.
5:09 - I would have left out that 2nd shot of male lead holding flashlight. It's a bit disorienting to go back to it so quickly and for such a brief time, and would have built tension better to hold on the shot of his friends in flashlight illumination. Plus it looked way too much like the 1st shot (in fact, did you use parts of the same shot twice?).
Around 5:10 - it looks like you doubled up on the movement of the camera from blonde to brunette girl and used it twice - that's off-putting. I would have just cut straight from that last flashlight shot you had (or if you eliminate, the shot of all three of them illuminated) to the tighter shot you have of the blonde girl getting grabbed.
5:24 - shot of the back of blonde girl's head - that one's confusing. Didn't she just get pulled out the door? If he pulled her back inside, we need to either see some evidence of that.
5:44 - that close up seems to come out of nowhere, and breaks continuity (since she should be hugging on to your male lead at that moment) - I would have cut to a close up of the blonde guy yelling, then back to your three-shot.
All nitpicky stuff, as you can see!
:24 - you cut to a shot of the dog's face before faces of any of your actors. they should be the focus, not the dog (even though he's the one to get knocked off first).
~:36 - I would have liked to see a cut back to the shot of the white SUV, to contextualize that this is the person pulling the kids over. As is, it felt like the white SUV was just a car full of their buddies out racing.
~:51 - second shot of car approaching rock came just a moment too late (or you should have cut away from first rock shot sooner)
1:23 - I'd dump the shot of the blonde girl waiting for the sheriff to arrive - makes you feel like she's the one the sheriff is going to approach, and there's really not a reason to include it. In fact, I would have dumped the previous two reaction shots of the two in the backseat (when the car stops) and replaced it with a reaction shot of the blonde girl (since she is presumably his girlfriend, and thus the one whose opinion he should value the most).
I would have tightened up all the edits in the sheriff/car scene - it drags just a tiny bit.
2:37 - the cut from one shot of the sheriff to a tighter shot didn't do it for me.
3:51 - cut to shot of dog is a little off-putting and w/o context. Would have been better from another angle, so you could see them entering the cabin in the background.
4:32 - I lost the context for where she was, so when they pull her into the cabin it was a bit disorienting. It continues to be a little clunky during that whole sequence where they bring her in, the monster tries to enter and they slam the door shut. Would've been great if you could have cut back to a reverse angle close up on her face reacting to door, to clean things up a bit.
5:09 - I would have left out that 2nd shot of male lead holding flashlight. It's a bit disorienting to go back to it so quickly and for such a brief time, and would have built tension better to hold on the shot of his friends in flashlight illumination. Plus it looked way too much like the 1st shot (in fact, did you use parts of the same shot twice?).
Around 5:10 - it looks like you doubled up on the movement of the camera from blonde to brunette girl and used it twice - that's off-putting. I would have just cut straight from that last flashlight shot you had (or if you eliminate, the shot of all three of them illuminated) to the tighter shot you have of the blonde girl getting grabbed.
5:24 - shot of the back of blonde girl's head - that one's confusing. Didn't she just get pulled out the door? If he pulled her back inside, we need to either see some evidence of that.
5:44 - that close up seems to come out of nowhere, and breaks continuity (since she should be hugging on to your male lead at that moment) - I would have cut to a close up of the blonde guy yelling, then back to your three-shot.
All nitpicky stuff, as you can see!
avatuar
Well-known member
Wow yup, well thanks for the detailed notes much apperciated. We're gonna have to consult with you on our next fest film before we release it lol. The thing that caused the lack of some of those extra needed shots was we had our permit and that location for only one day. In the next fest we're going ensure we have mucho time for everything like many of you did! We planned and planned and planned, but you can't plan for everything. BTW I liked you short disturbing, but high quality, NICE!
jpbankesmercer
Director Mod
Acting: Solid. But you got to listen to me. That COP, I don’t know what’s been said before, (and I don’t care), HE IS GOLD DUST. Reminds me of one of Captain Spalding’s crew, you’ve got to use him more. Perfect for horror, yeah over-the-top but perfect for horror.
Script: A little predictable but it worked, wanted more in the ending dept.
Direction: Some really nice shot choice and mix of ideas.
Music: Nice to hear not over done music, but sound scapes that drove the story. Stabs, short instrumentals. Nice man.:thumbup:
Editing: Choppy. I never like that cut to the same angle thing.
Lighting: Some really nice use of natural lighting/ flares.
Loved: How fast you got into it, low angle flare shot, (Nice!), tiny-crash zooms, the dog’s coat, the cabin scene, use of handheld done well.
Hated: That it ended so quickly.
Overall: It felt like something was missing, everything was there. It built really nicely guess I just wanted to see what happened. I kept thinking if these guys had a really solid script they would do amazing things, I’m sure you will. :thumbup:
I also think your ready for a 20/ 30 min film using the COP as a centeral character. Building it around how he got to be a COP, why he’s the only law officer for miles, what he does in his spare time! It would be ace, please do it.:huh:
Top job!
PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON BROKEN CIRCLE (WE NEED EM!)
Script: A little predictable but it worked, wanted more in the ending dept.
Direction: Some really nice shot choice and mix of ideas.
Music: Nice to hear not over done music, but sound scapes that drove the story. Stabs, short instrumentals. Nice man.:thumbup:
Editing: Choppy. I never like that cut to the same angle thing.
Lighting: Some really nice use of natural lighting/ flares.
Loved: How fast you got into it, low angle flare shot, (Nice!), tiny-crash zooms, the dog’s coat, the cabin scene, use of handheld done well.
Hated: That it ended so quickly.
Overall: It felt like something was missing, everything was there. It built really nicely guess I just wanted to see what happened. I kept thinking if these guys had a really solid script they would do amazing things, I’m sure you will. :thumbup:
I also think your ready for a 20/ 30 min film using the COP as a centeral character. Building it around how he got to be a COP, why he’s the only law officer for miles, what he does in his spare time! It would be ace, please do it.:huh:
Top job!
PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON BROKEN CIRCLE (WE NEED EM!)
Rock Punk!
Well-known member
Lakeside is in my top 5!
In my opinion, a classic and refreshing take on the horror flix from the past.
In my opinion, a classic and refreshing take on the horror flix from the past.
jpbankesmercer
Director Mod
Best of luck guys, you did well with me.
J.P.
J.P.
TheatreGuy
Veteran
Hey Edgen, Thank you for bringing this quality piece of filmmaking to the festival!!!
It was such a great festival and experience for me. I loved this film. I really do intend to spend time analysing the work here. The shots in the cabin are amazing!
Great Job and Congratulations!!!
Ted
It was such a great festival and experience for me. I loved this film. I really do intend to spend time analysing the work here. The shots in the cabin are amazing!
Great Job and Congratulations!!!
Ted
Edgen
Veteran
Ted! Great to see you liked it and kept you entertained. Hopefully many more to follow. ... strike that. LOTS more to follow. 
Thank you everybody sooooo much for watching and for contributing your wonderful feedback and support. With the help given here, we can make the next film that much better.
Also, huge kudos to all the other filmmakers and entries. I had quite a few good laughs and a few scares. Mission Accomplished with the fest.
cheers!
/justin
Thank you everybody sooooo much for watching and for contributing your wonderful feedback and support. With the help given here, we can make the next film that much better.
Also, huge kudos to all the other filmmakers and entries. I had quite a few good laughs and a few scares.
Mission Accomplished with the fest.cheers!
/justin
Norm Sanders
Script Wrangler
Just finally getting the time to copy the notes I compiled in a Word doc while watching the shorts:
Another high scorer on my list. The opening was just MASSIVE production value. Killer opening with the truck racing by and the title appearing, motion tracking pretty darn well to the footage! The ranger was a little over the top at times, but I think the character was supposed to be that way, so I’d say the performance was pretty spot on. Sound design, VFX, etc. … all absolutely solid, very nicely done. Another great score by Justin too. I’d say the ONLY thing that really hurt his for me was the lead male’s acting. He was pretty acceptable until we get inside the cabin … he just saw something try & get inside to the point where he has to slam the door shut … and he’s saying they’ll all be fine? I’ll blame his lines on the script, but he still could have delivered them differently … just felt forced & unnatural. Other than that, I know why folks are saying this could be a contender! This ‘felt’ like it was longer than 6 minutes, which is a good thing … had a feature film quality to it for sure!
Another high scorer on my list. The opening was just MASSIVE production value. Killer opening with the truck racing by and the title appearing, motion tracking pretty darn well to the footage! The ranger was a little over the top at times, but I think the character was supposed to be that way, so I’d say the performance was pretty spot on. Sound design, VFX, etc. … all absolutely solid, very nicely done. Another great score by Justin too. I’d say the ONLY thing that really hurt his for me was the lead male’s acting. He was pretty acceptable until we get inside the cabin … he just saw something try & get inside to the point where he has to slam the door shut … and he’s saying they’ll all be fine? I’ll blame his lines on the script, but he still could have delivered them differently … just felt forced & unnatural. Other than that, I know why folks are saying this could be a contender! This ‘felt’ like it was longer than 6 minutes, which is a good thing … had a feature film quality to it for sure!
Norm Sanders
Script Wrangler
Wow, very cool ... I'm hearing several projects with features coming out of them from this fest, and that's an awesome thing!
BTW, that BTS link is still broken on this thread as well. I WANNA SEE IT!!!
BTW, that BTS link is still broken on this thread as well. I WANNA SEE IT!!!
Norm Sanders
Script Wrangler
Def. keep us posted ... looking forward to seeing it! If you need me to host it, just let me know.
Darkline
Veteran
Ive posted this on my thread but I'll post it here too!
Lakeside is awesome! It was one of my favourites and I watched it about 5 times.... Take that out right now and get feature funding for it. I'm serious. you made a slick and amazingly fun taster of what you guys can do!
special thanks to you Edgen for being one of the first to welcome me to this festival and for leaving such detailed comments on my film! I'll alwasy be grateful for that!
Lakeside is awesome! It was one of my favourites and I watched it about 5 times.... Take that out right now and get feature funding for it. I'm serious. you made a slick and amazingly fun taster of what you guys can do!
special thanks to you Edgen for being one of the first to welcome me to this festival and for leaving such detailed comments on my film! I'll alwasy be grateful for that!