First short (noir movie) - Un passo più lungo

OmaR

OmaR

Active member
Hi guys, at the end I succeed in making this movie (I started to shoot on june). Thank you for all the ads you gave me! This is my first short, I would like to have any kind of criticism, about the framing, the screenplay, the photography, about all!

I've uploaded the short on megaupload.com, the procedure to download is not very easy, anyway I haven't a web space just right now! The movie is in Italian but subtitled in English... here is the link:

*DIRECT DOWNLOAD --> Un passo più lungo

Let me know what do you think about it...

locandina.jpg


a few grabs:

f1.jpg


f3.jpg


f4.jpg
 
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vincent_price said:
Omar... Amazing! Complimenti! Where r u from?
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from Bergamo :dankk2:
do you have any particular criticism to do?
 
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That megaupload site seems to be utter crap. I tried to download the movie but when the download link finally showed up I got a hovering window under my mouse pointer that kept me from klicking on the link. :angry: Never seen such stupid webdesign before.
 
Fugitive said:
Perhaps you should post some screen-grabs meanwhile. Besides, how big is your short? (filesize?).
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it is about 65Mb. Ok, I'll post some grabs
 
I haven't used any of the upload services so far, so the only thing I can recommend is to look at what the others are using. Read the agreements carefully. With YouTube e.g. you're granting them a lot of rights for the uploaded material.
 
Very nice. The first two are great. The third suffers from that bright overexposed window in the frame, but the shadows the blinds cast are cool.
 
Joshua Provost said:
The third suffers from that bright overexposed window in the frame, but the shadows the blinds cast are cool.
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The overexposed window/door is not a problem, I wanted it overexposed. The real problem is that through the door enter many raylights that create an overexposed area on the wall. In the grab you couldn't see this thing cause the man cover that area. If you see the movie, you'll see this unexpected effect
 
Omar, sono Mik. Lo stò scaricando, ma prenoto già adesso una copia in DVD.

A dopo i commenti in inglese.
 
nobody has seen the movie? Come on guys!!! This is my first short, I'll appreciate any kind of comment!
And now there is a direct download from my website!

This is a noir short (9':33") shot with the beautiful DVX100be, without any kind of 35mm adapters, turned in black and white through desaturation...

Please give me a feedback!:dankk2: :dankk2: :dankk2:
 
This is excellent. From your framing, image quality, Dping, sound quality, lead actor...this is all very excellent. Some of the transitions..dissolves were a little distracting....and some of the modern setting...but no matter...it was very small compared to the pros of this. Im very impressed this is short number one.
 
Definitely impressive for a first short. A few choices I question in terms of editing and cinematography, but my real issue was story. Did you deliberately leave it ambiguous? Why is the PI in this predicament? I recognized the guy from the photo but I'm still not grasping the significance. What is this story really about?
 
HappyGobo said:
my real issue was story. Did you deliberately leave it ambiguous?
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Yes I did... I think that when you see a noir movie (a 120' one I mean), there are so many stage tricks, so many characters, that you lose the story... Try to look at movies like The Black Dahlia, or L.A. Confidential, or above all The Big Sleep! But I had just 10 minutes!!! What I wanted to do was create a non-story, a plot without a real plot. The main character, the PI, that rapresent the viewer, doesn't understand the story too. And I wanted a dream atmosphere, that's why I used so many cross dissolves.
Anyway, the story is about that: a man that at the begin we think is dead, is alive and he's trying to do something strange... Miss Hicks is implicated in this thing, and she pays the PI to let him do the delivery at her own place, even if the PI doesn't know this thing. At the end, new people enters in the story... people that thinks also the PI is implicated...

Thank you for seeing the short!!!
And thank you for the congratulations to the lead actor! He is my father, a machine tools agent!!!
 
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I too liked the technical aspect of the film a great deal. Great acting. Nice voiceover. Nice lighting. Even the titles weren't bad.

I liked the beginning very much (the pan over the table - to the telephone - had a bad wobble though... my only criticism).

And now the negative - the resolution (or deliberate non-resolution) of the story was a huge letdown IMHO. It is just lazy to say "wow, ambiguous, ain't that reality, ain't that life?" That, my friend, is simply not effective. We ALREADY know life is ambigous, and without neat solutions - YOU ARE NOT TELLING US ANYTHING NEW!!!

It is a form of cheating, to set up expectations - pose a puzzle - in the beginning, and then to say "and there is no solution!". That's just student filmmaking and amaturism of the worst kind.

C'mon. You can do a lot better. You showed a lot of talent. Why not do a good job on the story as well? Remember - the story is the key. Right now, your film is like an extremely beautifully packaged gift... but when we open the box, it is empty, but with a note "Sometimes a gift is Nothing". Think about it - how would you like to get a gift like that? Well, the audience is the same way. And no, nobody will think you are a deep philosopher because you told us that gifts are sometimes empty or life is sometimes ambiguous. We'll just think badly of you :)

Anyway... you have a very, very beautiful box. Now go put something in it... that's worthy of the beauty of that box.

Good luck!
 
I'm against the cause-effect relation, and I wanted to underline this in the movie but I think you are right... Probably there are possibility to follow my ideas and at the same time satisfy the viewer... I have to study how!

Thanks for all your ideas guys, I'm thinking over all the things you told me!:dankk2:
 
Omar, i agree with OldCorpse. I really did'nt understand part of the story, especially the briefcase part. What's in that and why the guys pick up it? it sound a bit strange for me.

On the other side i liked the visual part of the short.
 
mik said:
Omar, i agree with OldCorpse. I really did'nt understand part of the story, especially the briefcase part. What's in that and why the guys pick up it? it sound a bit strange for me.
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Strange... that is very clear in the short! What's in the briefcase is not told but... who cares? What's in the Pulp Fiction briefcase? and why the birds went crazy in Birds? Macguffin is the answer (Hitchcock teachings).
Anyway Miss Hicks is blackmailed (better: she told that is blackmailed) and the PI should find out who and why! that's all!
 
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