Hitman Monologue -- Short Film

iffy

iffy

Active member
Hey community, this is my first short film. I was the director, editor, DP, and VFX. This was a labor of love, working full time and doing this on my days off.

It's 11 minutes long (82 meg). Please watch. Critic. Thanks in advance.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=PA21GFY0
 
Very nice kept me interested the whole time. The train jump was very cool, Camera work was nice.
82 megs is not too big at all, it took about 4 minutes to get it including the megaupload confusion.. broadband is nice.
 
Great job. Good story. Good choices on shots. Editing didn't call attention to itself. I liked it!
 
Erm, any chance you could change the uploading host to yousendit or dvxhost or something? I can't seem to download it from megaupload...it says all download slots are in use:(
 
Just watched it. Interesting little film - i liked the action parts at the start. I felt some of the bullet hits were a bit overdone...maybe you could have filmed in a way where you dont show the hit or something...All in all it was a good short methinks.
 
Yeah, definitely a good short. I think the dialogue was the weakest link though. A few of the lines just didn't flow well.
The editing was really nice though. Excellent work, especially for your first short.
 
There were some interesting camera choices, I thought, though the large majority of them seemed unmotivated.

I had a quibble with the story. 3-4 hits a WEEK?????? That is a LOT of killing, man. I had a tough time believing even the mob needed that many people whacked.

Also, when he's chasing the guy, and just randomly murders another guy...I didn't get it. Or how when the guy finally gets on the subway, the killer just let's a shot loose, which somehow gets into the train car and kills the guy. But if he's that good a shot, why was he chasing that SOB for like 20 blocks in the first place? He was always just like 6 inches behind him. To me it would have made a much more powerful statement about the character to have him just stand calmly, and kill the guy with a shot, rather than run after him.

So those were some things that stretched credibility, in my opinion.

I thought the shooting and camera work were good though. I just think you can afford to simplify it and really figure out what point you want to make every time you change the camera up.
 
I agree with desperatecomfort on pretty much all points. I like the twist at the end, but at the same time I feel like it's something I've definitely seen before, so I kept waiting for the counter-twist, and it never came.
 
First and foremost, I must say that this is a really good short. Cool take on the hitman path, and the guy playing him was pretty good.

I really liked the shots on top of the building that him and Jimmy meet at. Where these composite shots? The backgrounds looked awfully clean, but I really liked that look!
 
I liked the story form (a monolouge) but with that form everything hinges on the writing (more so than regular) just needed a little tightening I thought. One thing I loved was the locations, they were great. With the Car scene where he hits the guy I didn't think that his expression matched the dialouge. I just didn't think he looked the way he was saying he felt. Nice paceing though the story really move along.
 
I liked it. as mentioned before i think the dialogue could have been tightened. but otherwise it was very nicely shot. at first i was noticing some continuity/180 problems between shots during the action scenes, but because of their consistency, i forgave them as intentional - especially given the nature of the ending.

As far as the ending, I don't mind that you went for the typical trick ending. It's cool. But I don't think it was revealed properly. Perhaps he should have waited for the "wife" to approach him. And he says something like "honey?" and she's confused by his query - which triggers a revelatory response. the cut to him in the wheel chair just seemed a little unprovoked.

But great job man. Good violence. You even pulled off the photoshopped blood splatter. You might try putting more of a motion blur on the blood, help conceal it a little better.
 
lawsuit boy,

The sky was composited. The scene in Time Square was green screen. Lot of green screen. I was pretty satisfied that the chroma key held up. Anyway, this was done over 2 days with the budget of let's say $250. Most of that went to bald Jimmy eating ...alot. Also, the nurse's and the doctor's uniform. I was happy that I got the equipment free from bald Jimmy, that's is why he's in the movie.

No lighting was used (natural). Scenes were purposely flipped to give it irregularities. The whole trick ending was bald Jimmy's idea. Originally, he kills the wife to uphold the code of the hitmen.

PS. About 80 NYC finest showed up when we filmed (secretly) the subway scene. Thank God that the writer was there (he's a teacher) and we convinced the NYPD that we were doing a P.S.A.

Thanks to everyone for commenting.
 
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