My short film "Goldy"

I just wanted to say I liked the short a lot. Since you asked for critique here are a few nitpick things I noticed.

Edit around 00:00:30: The guy comes to a complete stop looking at the tanks, wide shot, then you cut to a mid shot where he is moving. It was kind of jarring. I think it would have been better to cut on action here.

Really technical: On the closeups of the fishtanks you can really see the blockies caused by 4:1:1. I think a chroma smoothing filter would fix that right up.

The Elliott Smith music faded too quickly during the transition. Just needed a little more gradual fade.

I didn't care for the rapid inserts during the breakfast cooking scene. It felt out of pace with the rest of the short. Same with the over the top perspective when he dropped the plate.

Great job, I hope the contest goes well.
 
Biggerbang - Yeah, I did with what I could. I spent about $250 on a manfrotto/bogen tripod only to realize that it wasn't a "true" fluid head as it claimed to be. I don't have a stabilzer so most of the handhelds dont work very well.

Tigeba- Thanks for the critique. The blue blocks - yes, I just noticed that today. I should have caught that earlier and applied the horz. chroma blur on it. Oh well, I'll keep a better eye out for that next time. And as for the kitchen scene, thats one of my favorite parts. Something about it, I have always felt the speed added that punch to the scene, tried to not make breakfast so boring. To each his own I guess.

Vitaluminosa- Thanks, I'm glad you like it. Anything by Spike Jones in particular you could recommend? I havent watched much of his work and have meaning to for a quite a while now.
 
Great job! Few critiques, (2 things): the lens flare at the end didn't look right , and it would be nice if you just spent a few more seconds showing the relationship with him and the fish. Maybe him smiling as he is tapping the fish bowl or maybe buying him a castle or wheatever people buy for pet fish.

Other than that, keep it up man, awesome looking 3 min film now it's time start thinking feature!

Peace
 
vitaluminosa said:
Mehnkle,

You must definitely watch "Adaptation". I consider that movie to be a masterpiece. For many others, it is definitely without doubt exceptionally good. Spike Jonze has only directed two movies so far, and both of them are extremely innovative in their own ways. His previous works are solely in music videos, and they are fabulous as well.

"Being John Malkovich" was his first, and "Adaptation" his second. "Being John Malkovich" is great too, but I would recommend "Adaptation" first because that's simply breathtaking. The two works speaks personality while presenting it in a new and refreshing fashion.
Click to expand...

Don't forget that Spike Jonze also directed Girl Skateboards' "Yeah Right!" and is also the co-owner of the company. You'll be pleased to know that as your avatar is a skateboarder and I assume you are too.
 
dvx_yaaaaaay said:
Don't forget that Spike Jonze also directed Girl Skateboards' "Yeah Right!" and is also the co-owner of the company. You'll be pleased to know that as your avatar is a skateboarder and I assume you are too.
Click to expand...

Yeah I knew he was involved in Yeah Right and I just found out a few days ago that he is co-owner of Girl. That was a great video by the way, even non skateboarders would probably enjoy it.
 
Very good short, especially at your age. I think people can be creative & technically competent at many ages. Just nice to see you doing this well at 17. Wish I had a DVX at 17. Then again, we were barely hitting miniDV when I was 17.

Anyway, on to the short. Many people have mentioned already that there should have been some building up of the relationship between the fish and the main character. Or that there should have been more reason as to why. But personally I liked it very much. That's the great thing about a short. It doesn't have to tell an entire narrative story. It can be vague if it is interesting. To me it was very interesting. The shot composition was great. I also thought the color was excellent. Exposure was good too, definitely helping the colors. I loved the sun shot at the end. The highlights in his hair looked great.

To me, you did an excellent job. I'm in the process of shooting my first 'serious' short with the DVX, and if I can get close to what you've achieved I'll be happy. And you've got a great advantage man. You've got a DVX at 17 and you're making stuff like this. I'm a decade ahead of you and I just got my DVX six months ago. Keep it up and please post any work you do in the future. It's very inspiring.
 
was that shot with an anamorphic adapter? Is that cinemascope or 16x9? appeared wider than 16x9.

I really enjoyed it, there were a few shots that i think could have been framed slightly better, mainly in the pet store. Colors were just simply awesome. I do think the ending could have carried on jus a little longer and maybe more solem music at the end, seemed a bit to fast paced for the circumstances. But over all a very good short film!
 
Thanks for your responses. It makes me very happy to hear that I'm inspiring some of you guys considering all of the heavy hitters on here. One of my main goals through making movies is to entertain and inspire, so I guess I'm off to a good start.
And J5, I baically shot it in 4x3 and added a 2:35:1 (Cinemacope) mask on the footage in Vegas. Thanks again!
 
nice short, good looking shots, id have ot say i thought the story lacked, but for what the story was you told it well

Yeah and spike jonze is off the charts check him out in three kings he's cool!!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top