Could everyone please have a look at this?

Uhhh for sixteen, you sure have a great sense of shot composition--

And a knack for deep messages. O_o;

I'd say remove that message from the end. It's says enough with the footage. The voice-over could go away, as well. No need to beat the audience over the head with the moral.

Worth watching, that's for sure. Have fun on your next one!
 
oh yeh...the message. but this was more for a kids festival. for audiences younger then me.

and yes, it was shot with the dvx100a..no color correction.
 
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Well, I'd like to point out that kids aren't as stupid as the older kind think.

Have you ever sat in a theatre or at home and watched Finding Nemo with a five year old? Seriously, they laugh at very layered jokes that you'd think only adults would get.

Same thing for Ice Age and Ice Age 2. These have adult themse, and while toned down, you can still feel the adult in both movies and yet... The kids were still laughing at the jokes, totally getting them.

You don't have to dumb it down for them that much, they'll understand what you're trying to say if you put it into your visuals much more than if you simply write it out for them. I think you did a good enough job to exclude that card.
 
were u from dylan detect accident on ur actor UK am i right 2) the film was great the message was fine u can leave 3) what did u use for CC cause ur images were so clean great coloring so filmish what u do for cc? and what u do CC on??? if u did any , and what u ediit on ?? dam it looked great

peace n luv

Mark Dog
 
it was straight out of camera....no color correction. i'l list the scene file:

detail leve -2
chroma level -4
chroma phase -2
master ped -6
a iris -3
(others on 0)

Gamma- cine-like (not d or v)
knee- auto
matrix- norm 1
and thick

thats the main stuff.




"were u from dylan detect accident on ur actor UK am i right"........i don't think so..?
i'm from Australia

and edited on schools premiere pro.
 
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Good job. As others have said, for 16 you have a great sense of shot composition. I normally pick up sound first, and it sounded like on camera mic throughout. I wasn't crazy about the sound.

The voice over didn't do much for me, a nice music melody in the background could have worked better.

The timelapse? That didn't really do anything for me.

The color looked good, and some nice use of DOF. I didn't mind the moral at the end. Great first effort and I look forward to seeing what you come up with next.

-Jeremy
 
Great work man and a lovely sense of composition and a terrific sense of pathos. I also thought that the moral at the end enhanced the story (as one wouldn't necessarily extract that specific idea (ie: Charity or generosity of spirit) from the story - this isn't a weakness of the short by the way since you could interpret the story several ways). Really very good. Look forward to your next one.
 
and if you know where melbourne, australia is. i'm about 3 hours drive from there.
 
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Melbourne is a great town I was there for three days a couple of years ago - the wrap party ended up in this crazy retro nightclub with old sofas and space invader machines. I still recommend it to people who are going there.
 
Brilliant. :) I luv 'sayings' especially the true ones, which is what yours is :)

Well done, no criticisms, as they have been mentioned. ;)
 
and if you know where melbourne, australia is. i'm about 3 hours drive from there
Click to expand...

Sure do mate. Was born in Sydney and lived most of my life there...

Melbourne is a great town I was there for three days a couple of years ago - the wrap party ended up in this crazy retro nightclub with old sofas and space invader machines. I still recommend it to people who are going there.
Click to expand...

Sounds like revolver. Was an old haunt of mine.
 
ncje said:
Was born in Sydney and lived most of my life there...
Click to expand...

My condolences...
:Drogar-BigGrin(DBG)


Dylan:
Good job on this short. For its intended target audience it was GREAT! Lovely story with a good punch-line in the end, and the cinematography was good too.

The voice over is probably a tad too much in the beginning, but perfectly acceptable.
IMO it doesn't quite flow smooth enough. As TheYankee mentioned, the timelapse is a bit odd, and editing could be "smoother". You double up on many things unnecessarily with different camera angles; we see the gnome getting washed, and it cuts again to a different angle of the gnome getting washed; we see the girl walk away holding the gnome, and you cut to the girl walking away from a different angle. Unless you give us something else (from a close up to a wide shot for instance) that's just slightly "too much", and simply not needed. The key in editing is CUT it down to the minimum where everything we watch is there to drive the story. This is one of the reasons why sometimes it's a good idea to have someone other than the director edit a film, as the director is too "obsessed" with wanting to include EVERYTHING that was shot. An unbiased editor will, however, just look at the overall piece, and cut out everything that he/she deems unecessary.
So the whole thing could of been somewhat tighter, e.g. the whole three act thing more pronounced.

Not trying to "down" your piece; I did have to watch it a few times to get even this much "critique". So:

Overall a good short; well done!
 
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Dylan,

Nice short film there, good work.

If it hasn't been said yet, I'd make a concerted effort to record a good minute or so of "room tone" for both outdoor and indoor sequences. This is especially noticeable in the sequences where she first finds the gnome and the subsequent scenes.

As others have stated, don't be afraid to discard extraneous footage. You have your compositions down - let the same trustworthy eye that guides your framing guide your editorial decisions as well.

In the kitchen, the color balance bothered me. I'm making a gross presumption that those tiles are white? Unless you're going for a "look" (e.g., room lit by open fire, flickering green flourescents and so on) it is really best to try and grab a good tungsten or daylight balance. The white tile wall would've worked nicely.

Good work - keep shooting!

e
 
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Good stuff. Maybe i'm just stupid, but I found the voiceover and ending text necessary. I probably wouldn't have understood your point without them.

I would maybe put a little compression on the voiceover to smooth out any small jumps in its volume. But visually it was cool. 16? Bright future.
 
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