Writing my first "Planned" short

M

matthewd5

Veteran
hello.

i am about to do my first planned short, by that i mean that i have done mostly documentary work and i did one short that came out pretty well but we basically did it ad-lib where people made up stories as they went along.

i don't have a clue why but for some reason i thought of doing something roughly "B" movie like, and a little bit like Christine / Stephen King

Its one of those things where you use what you have, i have unlimited access to a 68 barracuda and a 67 camaro.

Forgive my vagueness but i'm just working off a rough idea and trying to write it now...

it would involve a christine type theme with perhaps a flashback where the main character had a hit and run where he killed someone way back when and now the car reappears.

the thought is to have it end where his girlfriend/wife is there when he wakes up and it was a nightmare and then the camera does a dolley move forward to and out the window and the car (barracuda) that was in the nightmare is out on the street.

i need a lot of help and i'm not sure where to start!

i am technically proficent at the dvx-100 but obviously not a writer.

matthew
 
Re: Writing my first "Planned" short

So will the victim of the hit-and-run be unknown to the viewer? The car itself (a la Christine) could be the actual victim. Maybe the main character could be in a car junkyard and see a car similar to the one involved in the accident years ago, which could trigger the dream. The junked up abandoned car could have some sort of audible reaction to the man, which might just have been a natural shift in its rusty framework, but enough to make the man uneasy. I dunno...
 
Re: Writing my first "Planned" short


well please tell me if this is too dumb...

but one ideas was at the end when the guy "wakes up" we show him either on a couch or in bed and the camera sees the back of a tv "flickering" so you don't see the screen at all, and his gf/wife tells him how she warned him not to watch scary movies at night etc.

so it would imply he was watching a movie that triggered it?

seemed like a simple way to imply more without having to shoot so much more?

i haven't an example to mention but i have seen a lot of movies where they managed to avoid a big complicated shot by explaining it in a simple even elegant way that just eliminated what could have been a MUCH more complicated way.

matthew
 
Re: Writing my first "Planned" short

[quote author=matthewd5 link=board=writing;num=1097020628;start=0#2 date=10/05/04 at 17:31:46]well please tell me if this is too dumb...

but one ideas was at the end when the guy "wakes up"[/quote]

No no no... that's such a let down. It's a cheasy simple way to end a story. Whamo, it's a dream! :P

Also, try not to have too many or any flashbacks. Instead, try to think of something that tells the backstory through actions or views in the current timeframe.

Oh, unlimited access to a 68 barracuda? Schweet! :D
 
Re: Writing my first "Planned" short

well i hear you when you say the dream is a letdown, but i also had said that after he woke up the camera would end the scene by going forward on a dolly/crane out the window and you would see the same baracudda out there waiting for him, perhaps engine revving, definitely some sort of visual effect, a 100 watt frezzi with an amber gel on it inside the car, perhaps a fog filter, maybe even some smoke in the dark blowing by/around the car.

i like the idea about seeing a junked baracudda to bring back the memory, i have access to an early 60's baracudda in a storage yard. perhaps he could be at the storage place putting some junk away and then he see's the junked one.

one thought was that he is walking through his kitchen and then there is a yellowed old paper talking about the original hit and run and he starts to get freaked out because he obviously didn't put it there as he has been mentally running from the incident for years and years.

since the car is from the late 60's does that sort of necessitiate that the hit and run happened then?

that would make it 30 +/- years since the incident, i have a couple of actors i can approach and one of them is in his late 40's early 50's so that would fit with the accident happening in late 60's or very early 70's

matthew
 
Re: Writing my first "Planned" short

Well, he could have been a fairly young teenager back then, out for a joyride or stealing a car on a dare. Then he wouldnt have to necessarily be so, *ahem*, aged in the present tense. What age were looking to make him now?

Let us know how this progresses. Sounds like an interesting project.
 
Re: Writing my first "Planned" short

[quote author=matthewd5 link=board=writing;num=1097020628;start=0#4 date=10/06/04 at 15:20:17]well i hear you when you say the dream is a letdown, but i also had said that after he woke up the camera would end the scene by going forward ...[/quote]

Ah, yes. So I see what are trying to accomplish. The problem with it though is that it's something expected. It's a story gimmick that has been used many times so viewers can see it coming. And if they don't then when they do they feel let down. It's the "oh, everything was a dream... but wait... no it wasn't a dream! oh, ok" story. Also, I'm starting to have images of the movie "Christine" pop into my head.

Maybe you could do a twist on the story line. Suppose the teenager just loves the car. You have scenes of him cleaning it, polishing, really caring for it. He heads out for a cruise and ends up in the hit & run. He drives to a spot off the main road to check out the car. Ouch, it's really messed up and there is evidence (blood, etc) everywhere. Now, going on thartley's comment of the car being the victim, the teenager decides to destroy the evidence, the car. This is very emotional for him and, at first, almost decides against it. But he is scared and goes ahead. So he sets the car on fire and drives it off a cliff or some other action that destroys it beyond recognition.

Later, in the present, long after the incident is gone from his mind, he begins to catch glimpses of the car. But just fleeting glimpses. The car though is in perfect condition, same color, striping, etc.. He doesn't believe it and ignores it.

Later, he gets a call from the hospital. His girlfriend has been in a car accident. Someone ran her off the road. Nobody saw the accident. She's unconcious. Her car gets towed back to their place or he goes and checks it out in the impound lot. He sees paint marks on it. Marks that are the same unique color of his old car. Now he is getting a little freaked.

He soon realizes the car is following him, watching him. It's like an ex-lover stalking him! He's becoming very freaked out.

Now what? A good twist for the ending. The toughest part! Come up with a good twist and "drive" the story to that ending. I'll add some more if you want.
 
Re: Writing my first "Planned" short

thanks!

i'm getting some great ideas here.

i'm meeting friday night with a friend who has done a lot of writing and i'm printing out this thread and all the scattered ideas i've had.

i love shooting and editing but i'm just super inexperienced at putting the story together.

we might quite likely ditch the dream part...

my biggest weakness is not having watched a lot of movies of this type so i need to do some reading and watching to get more ideas and to make sure i'm not copying something i haven't even seen before!

matthew
 
Re: Writing my first "Planned" short

Don't know where you are with this project, but here's my two-cents. I agree with the other person that said no flashbacks and no dream ending: more often than not it comes off as hackneyed. Instead, how about starting the movie with the accident and then visually connect that to the guy driving his car in the present. From there figure out some way (maybe hitchhiker or something)to get another person in the car. Next, slowly reveal that the person is a relative of the person that was killed, or if you prefer a more supernatura l touch(you mentioned Stephen King) have the passenger actually be the person that was killed and run with it from that point.
 
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