Wise King Midas 10 P. Short

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ericcommando

Member
Alright Folks, here's the script that I've been working on recently. It is based on the ancient myth of Midas and the Golden Touch. I think it's enjoyable but let me know what you think. It's a first draft so I still have time to change it for your suggestions. :dankk2:






















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Well, not having read the story since I was a very young boy, it was a fun read. And I can definitely see where this, visually, would make a nice short film.

However, regarding the script, it reads way to storybook-y. Remember, when writing a script, you are writing the blueprint for the film. The script is not the finished product.

When you write short stories/novels, that is the final product so it is necessary to dress it up with a lot of fancy facade to fill in the details of the story and make it worth reading.

However, the script is just the structural plans for what the director will utimately create, much like blueprints are the plans for what the contractor/engineer will ultimately create. (hope that makes some sense).

So, when writing a script, economy of words is the order of the day. Tell us just what we need in order to visualize what you are seeing, but don't spend a single word more than necessary.

Also, there is an adage in the world of screenwriting that goes, "Show, don't tell". And this is very important to remember when writing. Remember, a film is a visual medium, so all those extra words in the script will, principally, only ever be seen by the producer/director and actors. Instead of telling us that King Midas loved gold above all else, show it to us. Let's see him choosing a less honorable path in order to acquire more gold.

Don't tell us he "squirrels all his gold away, to a dungeon, in order to keep it from others"...let's see his ritual of secretly sliding down to the dungeon, making sure no one is looking or following, then his methodical system of unlocking an elaborate security system, then entering and enjoying all his wealth while putting away his new found treasure.

Or something like that...obviously these are just off the cuff examples to give you an idea of what I'm talking about.

Again, an interesting story, potentially very visual. The dialog all seemed to flow pretty naturally and fit the "era" of the story, so good job there. Now just pare down the script to it's bare structure and take a little more time to "show" us what you are currently "telling" us.

Hope that helps, looking forward to the next draft.

Peace,
Larry
 
Its funny reading scripts by directors or short film makers.

Your script is way way way too word heavy, cut out half your words.

Good piece though, would make a good short.
 
I think you hit the nail on the the head Alex. I'm a director so a lot of that comes through in my writing. I really want to describe. I'll work on cutting back on the wordiness.
 
format issues

format issues

It's been said, but I will reiterate anyways...

Major format issues. Two thigs stuck out right away;

Center-justified dialogue, and massive action lines. They should be four lines at most, three is preffered.

You need to take this thing apart and turn it nto a script, not a novel.

Good story, but tough to read through all the extra words.

Get it down to the essence, and the director and actors will interpret it from their.

A
 
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