What is Wrong with my script?

D

Disease8

Active member
Hi I am working on this idea its completely unoriginal but I want to do a texas chainsaw massacre/evil dead type horror, as in a groupd of teenagers are in an isolated place and then something evils picks them off. It will be a great thing to get my teeth into as a first film. I have a lot of ideas playing with the confusion of marijuana smoking. I would like to just have the most obvious problems so far pointed out please!
Mainly I want to know "how" to write a script in the formatting and portrayal.
This is a rough draft and not finished.
Please be merciless I have made it so that you can comment in google docs.

Many thanks.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RTkYq_ZXqhfchQxAbleWoY2D383l6bzFqvgNtTjtGjA/edit?usp=sharing
 
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I don't have the time at the moment to read through it... but... the 'standard format' of screenplays uses 12 point courier font. (I'll avoid the whole issue of 'which courier font'...).

You have a san serif font... and it looks like its proportional spacing...

I don't know what 'google' docs may do, or have as options... but those are starters for 'mercilessness'.

If you don't have a 'scriptwriting' application you can check out Adobe Story which I believe is free...

There is also Celtx which has free options I believe as well...

There are some other free software packages, such as trelby, but I have never used this package, since it is not supported on the Mac as yet, and I don't typically use Linux for filmmaking at this point.
 
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Disease8 said:
I have a lot of ideas playing with the confusion of marijuana smoking.
Click to expand...

you mean the characters in the script or just you trying to write it?:Drogar-BigGrin(DBG)

Celtx is the way to go, it will give you a huge boost.

I didn't read the script - no point in reading something "completely unoriginal" - that's not a great way to start a pitch - if you want people to look at it, you need to sell it
 
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Some moments are confusing such as when Laura opens the door with Dave while Bob is looking through the bag. It read to me as if Bob was with her, looking through the bag and entering the house at the same time and Dave seemed irrelevant. Since it is a rough draft, excess (in my eyes) is encouraged, just be sure to trim the fat. More can be said with less.
 
Here's advice that could help you - read actual scripts you're trying to copy here.

http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Evil-Dead.html

It's basically identical.

/
SHELLY (Singing with the music)... Together, forever...

SCOTT
Ash, where are we?

ASHLY
I'll tell ya in a second. Now we're still on seventy-five just past the county border...
/

Even this could be pulled of a bit more interesting and whatnot, but the point is - compare this to your intro. Someone might suggest a better script for you in terms of writing but I think reading Evil Dead can actually give you some directions.
 
Disease8 said:
Hi I am working on this idea its completely unoriginal but I want to do a texas chainsaw massacre/evil dead type horror, as in a groupd of teenagers are in an isolated place and then something evils picks them off.
Click to expand...

Everybody thought zombie movies were dead unoriginal until WORLD WAR Z did well.

And look how well Insidious 2 is doing, compared to its budget.
 
not really important but it felt like you could never decide if its american (service station, counters) or British ("Pissed", Petrol) etc
 
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