What do you guys think?

pest22o said:
I thought about the whole purgetory idea at first, but then it just seems so obviouse, dont you think? and it seems so overdone.
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I suppose your right... it has been overdone and is obvious. However, someone tell me how this story could/would/will end. Will it be the inevitable? He kills himself.
 
Yes,... That is exactly what happened. I think it would shoot cinematicly very well if you your main character wakes up behind the wheel of a car while it is idling with his hands on the wheel with his neck tied to a bright orange extension cord, hanging out the window. He looks out the window and can see that it has been tied on the other side. It gives you an opportunity to tell the story cinematicly rather than using any dialog.
 
Well, how can i show the audience it is a dream sequence? i get mostly post? i can brighten and color correct all the dream sequences he has DIFFERENTLY then the movie, and i can add a vignette and blur it a lot........Is this a good idea: when my actor is gonig to do all the dangeous stuff in his dream, like him tying the rope to the post and getting in his car, im going to have him doing it casualyl, and he's not frightened at all, but when he wakes up, he's terrified
 
you've got the technical aspects down fine como, but you still need to put your story together. Its a great concept, and you've got some really good advice on how to tie it all together, but in the end its you who has to do all the work before you get busy with the particulars :)
 
Ive come down to think of this, and im not sure if i wanna continue writing, i dont liek the idea. Im gonig to save it though and work on it later on, can you guys give me a sick/demented/horror liek hostel kinda, low budget, (NO budget maybe), like one or two locations, not a lot of people, and not ALOT of blood, but you know, somthing messed up.....10 minutish?

Thank!
 
So you gave us your idea, we expanded on it, then you decided you didn't want to do it but would save it, and now you want us to come up with a whole new idea to fit what you feel like shooting?

Sounds like fun! How about an extended metaphor in which a man is haunted by the visual manifestation of his secret sins?
 
I don't know if someone has already suggested this, but: how about the fact that every dream he make, is more near to the death than the previous one. So when he awake from the latest dream made, he was just one step above killing himself. And now he know that he don't have to sleep (or at least try to not sleep).
 
mik said:
I don't know if someone has already suggested this, but: how about the fact that every dream he make, is more near to the death than the previous one. So when he awake from the latest dream made, he was just one step above killing himself. And now he know that he don't have to sleep (or at least try to not sleep).
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I am digging that idea... I like it so much that I have to ask the question... "?"... If THECOMO is done with the idea "for now" that is... can I run with it?
I think that everyones efforts on this thread have come up a decent amount plot ideas for this to be completed... If it is alright with TheComo can we create a third act and start banging out a script with one another? I'd love to shoot this thing myself. I've always wanted to shoot the car scene with the extension cord. I've given that idea up before to other dvxusers however, no one has used it yet.

So... If TheComo gives me permission to run with this idea would the rest of you like to contribute story wise and script wise? A collaborative effort if you will. My only intentions are for exhibition only and to gain some experience with shooting a short narative... I'm thinking I'd like to keep it within 5min though...

Between my equipment and my locations in Connecticut, I think I could make this happen... I just need a third act.... and I think I just figured it out how it will all end...
 
NEVERMIND I WANT THE IDEA BACK, NC17z YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED!!


kidding, ha...ya i just starting writing a new horror, lol. Take it NC, its all yours. But, if you want me to help shoot, id be glad :)
 
Thanks allot Rob... I want to keep your idea alive on this thread. I want to bang out the story as much as possible before going to the script stage. I really love the idea of waking up in a suicidal situation. It adds tension, and tension and conflict are what makes a narrative move...

I'm really looking for ideas on the climax, third act, the resolution. If anyone would like to contribute to some ideas on how this story could end, it would be gratefully appreciated. It would also help me start... It is hard to write if you don't know what your leading up to...

It was earlier suggested that the idea of purgatory has been played out... which I have agreed with... How about something along the lines of he's been truly dreaming that he's dreaming and waking up in these situations... and make it one entire dream sequence with the payoff being All of this has been some sort of Nightmare... and then for the payoff have something dear to him ripped out of his life, like the death of a child or girlfriend/wife, this will give him reason to want to kill himself... As soon as he is aware of this devastation he may open a closet door and see a Bright Orange Extension Cord and grab it implying that he is now going to truly kill himself in this manner. Cut to Black, Credits...
 
Oh... and Rob, This is a collective effort... I want to give you credit for the idea and concept. I just want to make your idea happen within a STORY. By the way anyone here read STORY? I wish it was written ten years ago. I would have been writting screenplays along time ago...
 
I think the dream within a dream idea is also too cliché. You could try to tie in some larger motivations and messages by relating this kid's experience to religion or morality. Like I said a couple posts ago, maybe make each of his suicidal dreams the manifestation of his guilty subconscious over some sin he has committed. This doesn't have to be just about him as an individual. It could be a metaphor for a much more universal message.
 
NC17z said:
By the way anyone here read STORY? I wish it was written ten years ago.
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Actually, I just checked:
Publisher: HarperEntertainment; 1 edition (November 25, 1997)
:)

Just a month shy of 10 years....
But I know what you mean...great book that I came to much too late.
 
SPOILERS for On a Pale Horse by Piers Anthony.

O.K... Hang in here if you can on this... One of my favorite books as a kid was On a Pale Horse by Piers Anthony. It was one of seven books that were written about The Incarnations of Imortatlity... Book one was about the office/aspect of Death. Meaning that there is a job for the grim reaper to do and That is to collect certain souls that need to go to purgatory. The ones destined for heaven or hell go directly to heaven or hell and so on... This office/title of the Incarnations of Immortality has to do this as a job until he is replaced and the only way that he can be replaced is if someone kills him. That is how the beginning of the story begins, a man is about to kill himself because of love betrayal or what have you... and just before he's going to blow his brains out he sees death and freaks and turn the gun him and shoots him in the face. Because he has now killed DEATH he is now DEATH...

I think this is how I can end this...
During each attempt at killing himself Death gets closer to him however, Third attempted the protagonist/hero/main character "freaks" and shoots Death before he can collect his soul and now he becomes death .... and is not at all happy with it...

Too much... ?


Note: These books were brilliantly written and they gave me allot of joy and fun as a kid. They were like my own little Harry Potter Series... for those of you that like reading Fantasy/Sci fiction I recommend them because they have quite the punchline in book 7 and it is magnificent...
 
I don't think you can end on the main charcater finally realizing his suicide, but freaking at the last second and shooting Death in the head. Then you'd have to establish that he has become the new Death, which is more of an inciting action for the rest of the plot. I don't see it as functioning as an ending, because rather than giving closure it is instead expanding the story and introducing even more conflict.
 
SeanEmer said:
I don't think you can end on the main charcater finally realizing his suicide, but freaking at the last second and shooting Death in the head. Then you'd have to establish that he has become the new Death, which is more of an inciting action for the rest of the plot. I don't see it as functioning as an ending, because rather than giving closure it is instead expanding the story and introducing even more conflict.
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YES, I very much agree, as this is truly the opening of the story described above On a Pale Horse....

And what I'm truly trying to achieve is something short, Flash Fiction, Jack Stanley kind of thing... I'm looking for a punchline that sticks after the film ends. Maybe...

The main character is dealing with a relationship, that has gone sour and the girl wants out and moves on... he doesn't move on, he obsesses... and finds himself having these episodes of suicide...not by design. Could be stress related, as told by a doctor or friend... this person also tells him he's got move on... more tension as this man clearly can't after the loss of this woman... During this point there is a turn in his emotions, from longing to hatred...
Third situational suicide setup number three and we find him with a gun confronted by death, Now, say he does shoot death at this point in the story... however, restless with it for a moment that this isn't what he wanted but then realizes that now that he is Death he can collect her soul... or do harm... we never see the harm or collecting of the soul... we may just see a dark man in a car outside a womans home... kind of insinuating that something bad is going to take place with the antagonist.

Could that work... ? Or is that even worth it... from that perspective...
 
you're making the assumption that when you fire a 9mm bullet into the angel of death's skull and kill it, you become death. That's an awesome concept, but it has to be established beforehand. Nobody is going to say "Oh hey, he pumped Death full of lead, so now HE is death!" And if this is happening at the end, you don't have time to start establishing all these rules without screwing up your falling action.

It's a great concept - the whole killing Death thing - but it needs to be in the beginning, not the end.
 
SeanEmer said:
you're making the assumption that when you fire a 9mm bullet into the angel of death's skull and kill it, you become death. That's an awesome concept, but it has to be established beforehand. Nobody is going to say "Oh hey, he pumped Death full of lead, so now HE is death!" And if this is happening at the end, you don't have time to start establishing all these rules without screwing up your falling action.

It's a great concept - the whole killing Death thing - but it needs to be in the beginning, not the end.
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Sean, Thanks for saving me a ton of humilliation... Looking at it that way your right... There isn't enough setup for the whole killing death becoming death thing.

What if the becoming death thing was the story... and now that he is he can reak havoc on ... her...

I've got to make this work... Lets say we start with the suicide situation... I'll plant enough exposition as to why he's killing himself... This is real by the way not dream-like state... The playing of answering machine messages "its over" kind of stuff.. While he's loosing it around the apartment I'll show flashes of death on his way to collect his soul... coming through an apartment complex, gliding up stairs... you know what happens next... he kills death out of fear and takes the office of Death...

Second act... explain to the audience what happened, struggling with the idea of being death...

Third act... There is a situation where he must collect a soul that is in complete agony. He then realizes his destiny, and proceeds with his life as death...


Wait... How about this for a simple log line?

A young man on the outs with his love finds himself in quite the situation before taking his own life.

Why don't I have him just kill death... and have a friend stop by and see the situation and say something like," Dude you killed death,... your F#
That may play on a bit of hummor...
 
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