Very, very scared...

H

Helpless

New member
Hello all,

I dont know how to explain all of this, but please bear with me. 2 Months ago I purchased the DVX100, with a loan, at that. My whole basis in life was to become a filmmaker. I am a US Marine Reservist which just returned from Iraq last July. Between August and December, I was learning as much as I could about professional filmmaking. I had a script etc... I wont go into all of that though. My point is, Ive got the camera, and Ive drawn a blank. For the past week Ive watched all of these Indie films, etc. on this site and have been getting depressed, thinking I cannot do this. So I thought of doing weddings, and events. Ive read as much about this camera as possible, and stille cannot get the hang of it. I dont know what to do anymore. Please someone help, I cant even think of the words to say, to make this post more clear, everything in my mind is jumbled. Help...
 
Re: Very, very scared...

My friend, you have come to the right place. This place is full ofworking pros and hackers alike (Im a hack by the way). Tell me, what is your exact problem in terms of drawing a blank?

Is it script?

IS it the Camera itself?

What?

Lets talk and I bet by the time this thread is over, all kinds of people will walk on a mission!

If it makes you feel any better, I have these issues constantly.
 
Re: Very, very scared...

You are in good hands. Just tell us what you are feeling. Did I just type that? Don't panic! All is well, come into the light! 8)
 
Re: Very, very scared...

OK,

Ill try my best to explain... this may be kind of long. When I returned back to the US in July, it was a big wake up call that life IS short, and we need to pursue our goals, no matter how hard they may be to acheive. I got back with a friend of mine that i didnt see for several months (I was over there about 6 mo.) I was into making movies waaayy before then though. Im 21 yrs old, and im beginning to feel that I may waste my life away. Well, anyway, My buddy and I began writing a script last October, and things just didnt seem to go 'good'. He became busy with school, and my 10K bankroll I came home with was about depleted. So there were some arguments and we said forget it. I went through a bit of depression, started a new job, and just....worked. January, me and my cousin then got to gether and wrote a script. It took 3 weeks to write, (a 15 min short), and then I did a lot of research, met several contacts through my job, and decided the dvx100 was going to be the best way to go, in order to film. Things, as they seem, did not go according to plan. My job was interfering with the time it took to do shoots. I would cakk in sick, just so I could shoot that day. I eventually scrapped the project, because the original plan was to submit to a local film fest. We were going to miss the submission deadline anyway, so as i said, i scrapped it. Now my problem. Im sitting on a 3000 dollar camera. I dont know what to do. I want to film weddings and events, so I can begin to pay it off, and but another. But I have absolutely no clue about licenses, contracts, and other legal matters that need to be taken care of. Then hopefully my inspiration to film a movie or a short will come back, sadly no time soon. It just hurts... I remember sitting on my vehicle (i drive a tank) 2 miles from Nasyriha 12 hours after the 507th (Lynch) was ambushed. Me and my crew cheif were talkin about what we were gonna do if we made it thru the city, and the war alive. He was a FSU grad, and was telling me about their film school, and... it just helped to calm the situation. It occured to me then, that this is what i need, and was meant to do. To express feeling and emotions through film. To make people feel, and to forget their days problems, to take them away for a little... you guys understand.

But now, Im lost. I wish I had a mentor... the thing about me is... im kinda like a diesel engine, hard to start, hard to stop. I need a little guidance. How should I start? My cousin told me , after i scrapped the short "your living in a pipe dream..." i didnt let it it get to me. My family has faith i can make something of it. I just need that jumpstart. I also quit my job, just so i could put 100 percent effort into this.

Im more than sure Ive come to the right place though. Im new here, so I look forward to hearing and discussing more with you all.

Thank u all very much for any help.

_____

PS, a little side note. I let my friend hold the camera, and somehow, he got a fingerprint on the lens, what can I do?

Once again, thanks.
 
Re: Very, very scared...

Everyone says this, write what you know. Take something that has happened to you and turn it into a simple story. This is what has helped me in my writing. Also, I don't know what kind of hours you were working at that job of yours but you should keep working. Not just for the money but for something to write about. Also if nothing is going on in your life go out and take a low budget trip and find something to write about. I'm just throwing out ideas here because you don't have anything coming to you at the moment. The other thing is never listen to cousins when it comes to what you want to do with your life. Listen to yourself first then your friends...not just the drinking kind but people that are honest with you and your family. By the way cousins don't count as family. At least not in my book. Mainly because all my cousins are losers and I don't trust them at all.
 
Re: Very, very scared...

Hi Helpless,
Write a 2 minute film. So short it doesn't need three acts, just one turn of events. Film it. If it turns out great, or even good, then fantastic. if it turns out shitty, big, woop. no problem, you don't have to show it to anybody if you don't want to, but YOU can learn from it, write another 2 minute, or re-write the original 2 minute, shoot that. Once you have a couple of good little 2 minute films, you will feel JAZZED! Yeah they may not change history, but even a nifty little movie of your own can instill enough confidence to try something bigger. Then try your hand at a couple of five minute flicks, then a ten, a twenty, ect. See what I am getting at? I am scared everytime I sit down to write a script, and I still do it. When it's going tough, I feel like ****, but it always leads to something good, even when, at the end of the day, I re-read thae day's pages, and I go ICK, because the next day, I just do it again. Slow and steady wins the race. Baby steps, man. And when you hear the saying "write what you know" that doesn't just mean to write something that you know in a physical sense, but also an emotional sense. You talk about being scared to go further? Write a script about someone who is scared to do something, and takes the important, if small first step to do it. But don't be so literal minded to write "about a scared film maker", be a little crafty, and use your writing and emotional knowledge to write about....someone who is "emotionally to frightened to FILL IN THE BLANK" Like Lose weight. That is something that causes great fear in people, or emotional turmoil. It is always something Psychological that keeps people overweight. Or someone who is up for a job interview, or someone who wants to run a marathon. I am just rambling here, but the cool thing is, by doing this, you could even work out some of your own fears about taking the first step.

Nothing wrong with being scared. treat writing/filmmaking like a habit. I work out writer's block by just the physical act of writing, because even if I have five crap pages, there will be a kernel of something good in there to push me along and then the block is gone.

Sorry to go all Tony Robbins on you ;)

Keep those camera's rollin' Rawhide!
 
Re: Very, very scared...

Anyone who tells you 'youre living a pipe dream' is not your friend or are to close minded. So many people walk this planet with no dreams or goals and content to just coast by doing nothing.

Never ever listen to that ****. Negative people fall ito the misery loves company category. Try and hook up with some people in your area with similar like minded goals (film).

The above advice is great. Start making little films.

Forget about any roadblocks or stumbles you might have, just get up and charge forward.
 
Re: Very, very scared...

John "Mahatma" Hudson. ;D

So true. Don't be constricted by someone else's view of what's possible.
 
Re: Very, very scared...

Just start shooting! use your own experiances Do a short about the conversation in the tank. One location shoots are the easiest. As far as weddings check out www.weva.com Alot of info there. Put the word out that you have a new camera you want to test out and do a couple for free to build your real. This is about the only way your family might be able to help. See if anyone is getting married and shoot them for the experiance. Shooting a wedding is not that hard just know what shots you want and make sure you get them. In the end it will be how well you edit it that counts. As far as the camera goes, just use the factory settings for right now they are pretty good. I would say shoot your first wedding videos in standard 60i. That way you can use the gain in the low light situations. By the way WELCOME! WELCOME ! to the group! 8)
 
Re: Very, very scared...

If you are without experience in the wedding field, perhaps you could volunteer to shoot someones wedding for experience. This way you are setting yourself up to screw someone if it turns out bad (this doesnt mean anything, it just means we all have a learning curve).
 
Re: Very, very scared...

From the responses of my question that relates to being scared, it would seem being scared is the norm. I just bought a book on lighting with interviews of all these DPs and one of them said "the day I show up to a shoot and feel totally calm is the day I quit doing this."
I finally came up with an idea that I want to shoot after many months of owning the DVX just last night. I have been working on some documentaries since I got the camera to get me used to it and to give me an excuse to use it while all the time thinking about what to do a short about. I came up with all kinds of ideas but nothing that really got me motivated until now. I am in a current divorce with the custody of the kids at stake and its been keeping me up all night, everynight either just laying in bed staring out the window or playing Unreal Tournament 2004 demo. The mental anguish this is putting me through is making me physically sick and I have a headache all the time. So driving home last night it dawned on me that I should be using this emotional ride to fuel a script since im living it and can give a pretty graphic rendition of what I feel. This is not going to be a happy piece but a close to heart piece that is more for me. Fook what everyone thinks because they dont know what I feel and I really dont care if they get it or not. Well, I do but you know what I mean. Fook the close minded people and hug the supporters. You have a similar situation where you realize how short life is. That Tank story is a good place to start for you i think. You just told a short story right there that you have direct emotions tied to it. I bet you can close your eyes and still smell the inside of that tank. I bet you can still hear your own thoughts of that day while you were talking to him. I bet you can still taste the dry air of uncertainty of whats waiting for you in that city, in that war....
You have volumes to tell dude, use the experience to fuel you.

Peace my brotha'
 
Re: Very, very scared...

[quote author=Steve Rogers link=board=Offtopic;num=1078985464;start=0#14 date=03/11/04 at 13:43:28]R. In fact, one of our very own posters here, someone who has posted in this very thread posted some gloomy, lost posts. I gave him a big 'ol kick in the ass, and all of a sudden te guy has gone maniac on us. Built a website, (doesn't work though) And is running all over the place.
[/quote]

Who? ;D
 
Re: Very, very scared...

it's not always a bad thing to be scared or lost in the process of creation, in this case filmmaking.

that might sound stupid, but i believe it. i think one of the most important things you can do is find inspiring people and surround yourself with them constantly.
 
Re: Very, very scared...

Can I add one thing? We need to all learn to be happy with the equipment we've been able to scrape up--and use it! You should be very confident with that DVX100 in your hands.

Like you, I don't have much money, (very little in fact), and debt, and no health insurance. That can make a man crumble. I've had two Canon GL2's in the past two years and I did nothing with them.
Why? Because I was paralyzed. The camera was something I couldn't really afford, and as soon as it arrived, huge buyer's remorse set in, and I tried to put it out of my mind for a while and didn't use the camera because I didn't want to wear it down so I could always chicken out, back down and sell the thing--just get it off my hands and out of my mind and get "real". I'd expect I'm not the only one that this happens to.

And then I sold it, and felt relief at first, but then the lust and the need to make things came back. I often simply walked away from my job(s), telling myself that life is worth more than, (fill in the blank), dollars per hour. You have to do what you want to do.

And then I bought another camera, and the same thing happened until the last week of three months of ownership and I had a FANTASTIC time making a short movie with my brother, and you know how I honored that great feeling? As soon as we wrapped, I sold that camera, too. (ebaY makes this backing out stuff way too easy.)

And then the bug to buy a camera and get rolling hit me again, as it always will, if it's what you're meant to do.

So you start shopping for the right camera again and whoops, something better is coming out in three months, or someone advises you that if you just wait until such and such consumer electronics fair in Seattle or Vegas or wherever, new cameras will be out and even if you don't like them, the one you had your eye on will drop significantly in price. (I can only imagine the self torture people on this board put themselves through when the DVX100A came out shortly after they bought a DVX100). The same thing happens with Apple and their hardware and editing software.

But you know what? It wasn't just the camera, or the computer, or the editing tools. My doubt started way back in film school.

Yes, I enrolled in film school, and to be honest, 2 semesters into it I panicked and began to wonder "Good God what have I done? I've banked on this and if it doesn't work out the way I planned I'm going to end up a loser with no health insurance."

But somehow I stuck it out, and graduated, and relapsed and have been working crappy jobs since then, for five years now.

I have also moved to LA three times and lost my nerve and moved back to the Midwest. Finally, I've found a compromise. A place that is like home yet a short ride away from the center of mass media. It's called Northern California.

I guess the point is, no matter what happens, when you do what your gut leads you to do, and you honor the grand possibilities of life in that way, and when you are spontaneous and true to yourself and are not swayed by the lure and the trappings of 401K and the money for a payment on a new car and a woman who only wants a financially stable and predictable kind of man, (nevermind he has no dreams and in five years she will bored with him), then you have already won. That is freedom. In a world that seems more and more designed to trap us all in a consumer cycle, you do have a choice to do what you want and making that choice to be free is a glorious thing.

You will have fun with your camera and if you persist, the jobs will start rolling in and you'll make money to pay it off and make funny little quirky films on the side, until eventually you have a reel, and someday when MTV releases your director DVD, all of those just-for-fun films will be included on it.

I have to tell myself these things everyday, because if you can't tell yourself these things and believe them, who will? It's up to you. The choice is yours. Freedom to do what you want is within your grasp. You've taken a step forward. Do not falter. March on.
 
Re: Very, very scared...

One last thing--debt, in my opinion, is never a good thing. Debt of any kind can be crushing, mentally and physically. The best thing to bet on is yourself, of course, but it's not always necessary. If, for example, you feel the camera was too much and you had to go into debt for it, you can always sell it for a great price, cut your losses, regroup, and start saving your pennies. That way when you come back to buy the camera with cash, free and clear, you will feel twice as good.

On the other hand, it might take a camera to make money to buy the camera. If the camera is the only thing you had to purchase, I'm sure there's a way to use it to pay for itself.

It all depends on what you're comfortable with. If you are a strict and practical guy, there's no harm in doing everything with cash only. In the meantime you can write your scripts or use a cheaper camera to make small movies.

Any little start will do, so long as you never stop.
 
Re: Very, very scared...

Well, you came to the right place. Welcome to the group, and thanks for your service to our country.

Look, movie making is storytelling by other means. If you are burning to tell stories, then you'll do fine, maybe even great!

You've picked the right tool for the job; the Panasonic is an incredible camera. But it is all about the story, and your unique touches that make it interesting.

You don't draw like Picasso the first time you pick up a charcoal pencil, and you shouldn't expect to create a masterpiece if you haven't been working on some projects with that camera. So its about practice, and obsession about all the aspects of movie-making. Read this forum every day. Hook up with other people who want to do video work, whether its music videos, shorts, or full-length projects. Offer to work as a loader/unloader, just so you can start getting to know crew people, and internalise the whole process.

Go to film festivals. Check the want ads for community theater productions. If you don't know anyone else with the samje desire to make videos, you'll find them in these types of social circles.

Get help! What I mean by that is that you won't be able to everything yourself. It isn't an Army of One. :)

Finally, creativity ebbs and flows in a cyclic fashion. You can't force yourself to be creative; but if you put yourself in the path of movie making, doors will open.

Good luck!
 
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