Us, We, See -- Anyone else writing this way?

K

Kholi

Section Moderator
[h=6] How do you feel about "us, we, see" in scripts? It's not my style, personally, and I stopped writing in that tense after my first script...

Might have justification for doing it on this new one. Your thoughts? Does it annoy you?[/h]
 
It's one of the supposed "no nos", and the rote answer is avoid it if possible lest you offend someone looking to exclude you for a "no no". I've only ever been stuck once when trying to find another way to say it rather than "we" or "us", and still was able to find a good compromise.

I know the project you're talking about though and since it's an ALL POV type thing you might want to make a special note about that at the top of the script or something. Then you could just describe everything 3rd person like normal or with "'Character Name' sees three mutant leprechauns coming up fast." Might keep your reader in the story / movie in their head more than "We see three mutant leprechauns coming up fast.

But back to the people that care about that kind of thing as a deal breaker - if you're just giving this to talent and they kind of know the concept before the read - not that big of a deal. But I think "We" could still pull you out of getting lost in the read, especially if it's used for the entire script.
 
Good thinkin', Jack, and I also thought about that. You establish the POV aesthetic before hand, bold the note that it's how everything will look afterward, then go on from there. I've already sort of changed my style up for this one, Idon't want to go too far to the right but then I started to think...

If the reader doesn't "see it" on the page, and eventually they fall back into the convention of a rather typical feature, are you losing the chance to make an impact through the visual style, which is as important as the content itself? Just a question.

It may be a case of using it sparingly, as well.

Sincerely, I do not like reading "we see" or "us" in a script. I did check the Cloverfield script out and it's Tony Gilroy style writing, littered with we-sees and us' and such, which gave me great ideas on how to approach my script but not to copy what they're doing. I can see why they use it there.
 
If this is something you intend to produce yourself then write in any style you please. If you intend to send it out into "the system", use it sparingly, if at all. Readers look for any excuse to throw your script in the circular file so why give them one.
 
Batutta said:
If this is something you intend to produce yourself then write in any style you please. If you intend to send it out into "the system", use it sparingly, if at all. Readers look for any excuse to throw your script in the circular file so why give them one.
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Let me state that I would never EVER use it under normal circumstances. But, this one is sort of special case, because it's POV/Mock-Doc style.
 
I agree Batutta with only the following stipulation - that if you're sending it to professional actors, or asking anyone else for any money, or attracting professional crew, etc. - some may look for "rules" or standards as an indicator of professional-ism. So still, if possible, could be good to avoid. Or if an agent looks at it first, etc.

I once had a an Austin local day player type refuse to come in and read for a role that she was initially interested in because a line of Action Description was improperly formatted due to cut and paste into a PDF for her sides. I had to explain to her that it was a cut and paste problem and that I was a one man band running the damn audition and getting out the sides by myself. My explanation of cut and paste harried-ness vs lack of knowing how to format a script plus the body of work on my site convinced her to come in and read.

I didn't cast her.
 
For Skinhead, a cell phone camera plays a significant part in the script, and we're planning to intercut its POV regularly with "normal" camerawork in the finished film. In the script, we only mention this when it's important that the reader know they're looking through the cell phone camera, and when we need to do this, we use "THROUGH CAM:" followed by the shot description. Like you, I was really reluctant to do this, being a fan of stylized writing that eliminates the need for specific camera directions and "we-sees." But in writing the script, I realized this was really the most efficient way to communicate what I needed to communicate, and ultimately that's what it's all about.
 
I like the sound of that, Traven.

Sounds like it'd work perfectly for more sparse POV material. Will have to keep that'n in mind!
 
If "we see..." is the only (or vastly best) way to make your intent clear, then do it I say. Rules actually are made to be broken sometimes...

But if it's "we see her car disappear around the corner" vs "her car disappears around the corner" then rules are rules : )
 
Kholi said:
How do you feel about "us, we, see" in scripts? It's not my style, personally, and I stopped writing in that tense after my first script...Might have justification for doing it on this new one. Your thoughts? Does it annoy you?
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It makes the reader aware of the 'fourth wall' and thus takes one out of the imaginary world of the story, so because of that I avoid it.
 
I think it depends on what stage your script is at. Are you at the 'story / trying to sell it' stage or is this a shooting script?
I never put it in but its pretty common to see stuff written like that in a shooting script.

The other night I was reading the script for Coen's True Grit, blue revision, and right there on the first page "we track slowly forward"
 
I've seen it quite frequently in produced scripts, particularly TV.

A script doesn't have a "fourth wall." It's not a piece of literature. It's a set of instructions. The reader isn't supposed to be in the dark about anything.
 
Great point, David.

You're at least supposed to build up to a twist with obvious and very pointed "clues". Hmmm
 
Kholi said:
Great point, David.

You're at least supposed to build up to a twist with obvious and very pointed "clues". Hmmm
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There's a difference between structuring a script in a particular way, narratively, and thinking that you're telling a reader a story that you're trying to keep him immersed in. That's what the movie's for. The script is telling everyone involved how to make the movie. As I said, a script isn't literature. It's a blueprint.
 
I quit using them but on the latest script I started again... I've seen it on many scripts still... but then I normally make m living as a producer ...
 
David Jimerson said:
...A script doesn't have a "fourth wall." It's not a piece of literature. It's a set of instructions. The reader isn't supposed to be in the dark about anything.
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I respectfully completely disagree. A screenplay should engross a reader into a story world, have them identify with the protagonist and the drama. Take them into a fictional world of characters. Using "We see..." implies an omniscient viewer(s) outside of the story world, such as an audience watching ("We see") the story, and that negates the reader feeling immersed in a contained (viz without a fourth wall) story world.
 
Like I said before, it really think depends at what stage the script is at. If you're trying to sell a script I wouldn't put 'we see', I would concentrate on the story and leave cinematography options open for interpretation.

If you're in pre-production then put 'we see' in as much as needed.
 
Randall_Oelerich said:
I respectfully completely disagree. A screenplay should engross a reader into a story world, have them identify with the protagonist and the drama. Take them into a fictional world of characters. Using "We see..." implies an omniscient viewer(s) outside of the story world, such as an audience watching ("We see") the story, and that negates the reader feeling immersed in a contained (viz without a fourth wall) story world.
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That's not what a script is for. It is not literature. You do not worry about taking the reader out of the fictional world. If you're worrying about that, then you're putting your energy into the wrong things.

More than, attempting to create a fourth wall may keep you from including crucial information.
 
While it's best to try to stay clear of this, this is in no way a formal rule. As long as they're is a purpose, these terms can be used to give the director some direction as to what the writer is trying to accomplish. Case in point, if something is suppose to stand out, you should indicated it there, especially if it's suppose to be subtle but have significance later.
 
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