Daniel Skubal
Veteran
Very true 
TORN Private Screening for first 15 PM's
- Thread starter Jay Rodriguez
- Start date
J.R. Hudson
Spirit Animal
Wow
Check out the big brain on Coffee ! He is a real filmmaker !
This is such a nice film and a wonderful job Jay. I am really impressed with the entire effort. From the talent to the techside, everything is flowing nicely.
I would consider reworking the V.O. Film is a visual medium and sometimes there is not a need for the talky talky.
I'd consider reworking and tightening the prose.
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Bravo ! Very well done !
Check out the big brain on Coffee ! He is a real filmmaker !
This is such a nice film and a wonderful job Jay. I am really impressed with the entire effort. From the talent to the techside, everything is flowing nicely.
I would consider reworking the V.O. Film is a visual medium and sometimes there is not a need for the talky talky.
I'd consider reworking and tightening the prose.
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Bravo ! Very well done !
Jay Rodriguez
Coffee Member
dj200423 said:
WIll check them out in a few! Thanks! : )
briceman, thanks and yes the letus35 was used. I think the adapter is a trainwreck though.
vidled said:
I love that there are different tastes viewing it. It really helps me in my attempt to try to find a balance in this area.
Thank you John! I'm learning everyday and these comments are another piece to let settle in. You're the second guy to comment on reworking the VO and I am going to sit with the film tonight to see how/where I can play with it.
Looking forward to your review. Thanks for watching it and tell your wife I said thank you.
Jay Rodriguez
Coffee Member
EyeBite said:
Ok, thanks for keeping me in the dreadful suspense. lol, just kidding. I'm looking forward to hearing you thoughts.
ExtremeSleuth
Veteran
Ok I just checked it out. very well shot. you did a GREAT job shooting it. I liked the opening shot and the shot of Jack Daniels getting taken off the table. The slow motion when she pushes the pictures at the camera was excellent. The writing was on and off, but when it was on I liked it. The score was really good as well.
You should be proud of this coffee
You should be proud of this coffee
Jeremy Ordan
Major Contributor
Jay,
First let me begin by thanking you for allowing me to watch this film. I watched it three times and depending on whether I was watching as a fan of film or whether I was watching from a technical aspect my reaction changed.
Story: I actually love stories about loss love. I think it is a universal truth and experience that everyone can relate to. The way that you show the ups and downs of a relationship, regardless of sexual orientation, I think is a great move to take. Obviously by showing a lesbian relationship I think that the obvious clichés can be avoided a bit more than normal, but at the same time the story was well done. My problem, although you are talking about love and sex, is that there is more to love than just the sex (or at least I've been told). I think that there is a lot more depth that you could go into with this characters, but at the same time, what you show is good enough to keep the viewer interested and maybe it is good enough to make you want to know more.
The voiceover. I've tried to avoid reading many reviews regarding this so that my opinion wouldn't be jaded or influenced by others, but in general I am not a big fan of voice over. That being said, I have a project myself where I'm going the voice over route because my options are just running out and the film doesn't work great without that spoken guide. I think that while the voice over is poetic there are moments where it just gets almost too stream of conscience and boring. The voiceover actually pulled me out of it. Furthermore, I wasn't a huge fan of the overall sound of the voiceover, but I'll get to that when I talk about sound. I think some tightening up of the dialogue could really make the voiceover not so distracting.
Lighting: This is where I was really impressed. I think that the lighting really worked in general whether it was just general illumination or whether it was used for mood. I really liked how you lit.
Cinematography: I am keeping this separate from lighting for the sake of this review, but I thought the handheld camera work certainly fit the mood you were going for. Given the emotional state of affairs (no pun intended) with this film the jerky constantly moving camera really does work well. I thought that you really showed a lot of creativity with your shot choices and that things never seemed forced. Furthermore, it seemed as if you were working in a pretty tight space and you really demonstrated some excellent set ups and execution of shots. There wasn't a moment where I felt that a shot was repeated or where I was bored of watching what was going on screen.
Editing: This is where you really excelled. The cutting and composition of the final product really seemed excellent. I read that you didn't do much with preproduction but it seems to me that you shot plenty of coverage and the final product seemed very well put together.
Sound: This is where I get a little critical. Music wise, I liked the scoring, I liked the foley effect whether it was slapping the couch, the frame breaking or the flashes of memories. Now for the dialogue (IE: yelling and coffee shop sound), this pulled me out of the overall experience and made me think that this was a run of the mill standard DV production. It was never really clean and didn't work for me. Furthermore, the breathing and very synthetic sound on the voice over also bothered me. Now, I'm weird when it comes to sound because I really believe that sound sells the picture and is 70% of the experience. It wasn't so much what the voiceover was saying that pulled me out but rather how the voice over sounded. I had a problem getting emerged in the project because it just didn't sound clean.
Overall though I think that this is a good film and I was rather impressed throughout. For me the high point was the 'I love you' voiceover / acting crossover moment. It really added that extra notch of production value and impressed me with the vision that you took from cocktail napkin to finished product. I really enjoyed the overall film and wish you the best of luck moving forward. Thanks for letting me watch.
-Jeremy
First let me begin by thanking you for allowing me to watch this film. I watched it three times and depending on whether I was watching as a fan of film or whether I was watching from a technical aspect my reaction changed.
Story: I actually love stories about loss love. I think it is a universal truth and experience that everyone can relate to. The way that you show the ups and downs of a relationship, regardless of sexual orientation, I think is a great move to take. Obviously by showing a lesbian relationship I think that the obvious clichés can be avoided a bit more than normal, but at the same time the story was well done. My problem, although you are talking about love and sex, is that there is more to love than just the sex (or at least I've been told). I think that there is a lot more depth that you could go into with this characters, but at the same time, what you show is good enough to keep the viewer interested and maybe it is good enough to make you want to know more.
The voiceover. I've tried to avoid reading many reviews regarding this so that my opinion wouldn't be jaded or influenced by others, but in general I am not a big fan of voice over. That being said, I have a project myself where I'm going the voice over route because my options are just running out and the film doesn't work great without that spoken guide. I think that while the voice over is poetic there are moments where it just gets almost too stream of conscience and boring. The voiceover actually pulled me out of it. Furthermore, I wasn't a huge fan of the overall sound of the voiceover, but I'll get to that when I talk about sound. I think some tightening up of the dialogue could really make the voiceover not so distracting.
Lighting: This is where I was really impressed. I think that the lighting really worked in general whether it was just general illumination or whether it was used for mood. I really liked how you lit.
Cinematography: I am keeping this separate from lighting for the sake of this review, but I thought the handheld camera work certainly fit the mood you were going for. Given the emotional state of affairs (no pun intended) with this film the jerky constantly moving camera really does work well. I thought that you really showed a lot of creativity with your shot choices and that things never seemed forced. Furthermore, it seemed as if you were working in a pretty tight space and you really demonstrated some excellent set ups and execution of shots. There wasn't a moment where I felt that a shot was repeated or where I was bored of watching what was going on screen.
Editing: This is where you really excelled. The cutting and composition of the final product really seemed excellent. I read that you didn't do much with preproduction but it seems to me that you shot plenty of coverage and the final product seemed very well put together.
Sound: This is where I get a little critical. Music wise, I liked the scoring, I liked the foley effect whether it was slapping the couch, the frame breaking or the flashes of memories. Now for the dialogue (IE: yelling and coffee shop sound), this pulled me out of the overall experience and made me think that this was a run of the mill standard DV production. It was never really clean and didn't work for me. Furthermore, the breathing and very synthetic sound on the voice over also bothered me. Now, I'm weird when it comes to sound because I really believe that sound sells the picture and is 70% of the experience. It wasn't so much what the voiceover was saying that pulled me out but rather how the voice over sounded. I had a problem getting emerged in the project because it just didn't sound clean.
Overall though I think that this is a good film and I was rather impressed throughout. For me the high point was the 'I love you' voiceover / acting crossover moment. It really added that extra notch of production value and impressed me with the vision that you took from cocktail napkin to finished product. I really enjoyed the overall film and wish you the best of luck moving forward. Thanks for letting me watch.
-Jeremy
Daniel Skubal
Veteran
TheYankee said:
What suggestions would you have to cleap up the mix? Rerecording the coffee convo and the fighting? I'm just curious what your diagnosis is of the weaknesses in the mix. Might be a good learning experience for us all.
Kegan
Spam Assassin Mod
Well, there's been lot's of reviews but I thought I'd post my thoughts as well.
I thought this was extremley well done and could not have been more impressed with the storyline. Your trailer didn't do the film justice (not saying that the trailer was bad, it was great!) The shots, as said before were well placed and timed. Everyone seems to have a problem with the V.O. but to tell you the truth, I didn't have much of a problem with it at all. I agree that it could be tightened up to distract the viewer a little less though. The lighting itself was exceptional and it really gave the film the mood you were trying to capture.
Overall, the movie was filmed with emotion, related to many people and I wouldn't be suprised to see this at film festivals in the future.
Great job coffee!
-Kegan
I thought this was extremley well done and could not have been more impressed with the storyline. Your trailer didn't do the film justice (not saying that the trailer was bad, it was great!) The shots, as said before were well placed and timed. Everyone seems to have a problem with the V.O. but to tell you the truth, I didn't have much of a problem with it at all. I agree that it could be tightened up to distract the viewer a little less though. The lighting itself was exceptional and it really gave the film the mood you were trying to capture.
Overall, the movie was filmed with emotion, related to many people and I wouldn't be suprised to see this at film festivals in the future.
Great job coffee!
-Kegan
DC
Cinematographiliac
Hey! Ok, I finally have a minute to respond with a quick critique. I actually liked the voice over - I think it worked for such a short film. Nice cinematography, nice editing. While it has a lesbian theme, it wasn't that trendy lesbian-chique. It was a well-done love tragedy (for the protaganist).
Great job and thanks for letting me view it!
Great job and thanks for letting me view it!
Final Design Studios
Veteran
So when is the next screening? I'm all intrigued now.....I wan't to see!
Kirk Gillock
Rebel with a cause
Coffee - Sounds like you've got a winner. I'd love to see it but I understand you can't show it to everyone. Good luck with the project.
Owen
Photoshop Savant
Yeah right -- somebody wants to use "TORN" as a bargaining chip with which to enter the lucrative pirate film industry he moved over there for in the FIRST place.
It's only a matter of time before "Isara Studios" is printed on every DVD-R bootleg that makes its way across the Pacific!
It's only a matter of time before "Isara Studios" is printed on every DVD-R bootleg that makes its way across the Pacific!
Kirk Gillock
Rebel with a cause
Owen - You've out smarted me once again. I was hoping the "I'd love to see it" would be just enough guilt to get him to send me a link. But no luck. Isara Studios will just have to keep selling its flagship product, "The Sugar Creek Gang". Which, when translated to Thai is, "Tom Yum Goong".
Owen
Photoshop Savant
Hey, some Chinese station already bought broadcast rights, so I'm sure it's only a matter of time before it makes its way to Thailand anyhow, whether I know it or not!
The Canadians have the best anti-piracy scheme going. They're distributing my stuff on VHS. Nobody wants to copy that garbage!
The Canadians have the best anti-piracy scheme going. They're distributing my stuff on VHS. Nobody wants to copy that garbage!
Kirk Gillock
Rebel with a cause
VHS LOL.
Congratulations o the China deal. Should be a large audience. I'll let you know it ever comes here.
Hi-jack complete. Back to Torn.
LOL.Congratulations o the China deal. Should be a large audience.
I'll let you know it ever comes here.Hi-jack complete. Back to Torn.
Jay Rodriguez
Coffee Member
Oh man, thanks you guys soooo much for taking the time to check it out and for giving such wonderful responses. I'm really greatful for your time. Between PM's and posts I got 11 responses out of the 15 so there's four guys who I guess didn't like it enough to say anything. Oh well.
TheYankee, is there anything that you think I could do to better the audio at this stage?
TheYankee, is there anything that you think I could do to better the audio at this stage?
SilverWolf
Veteran
You talking about me Jay ? I just haven't got to it sorry but since you requested.
I really like the shots that you choose during the short it really helped me empathize with the situation. The music fit the mood also and I thought was very good. In regards to the VO. I'm not really a big fan of long voiceover. I know it's hard when you only have 5 minutes to try and convey a particular meaning but I think that a lot of times people use narration as a way to fill in large holes in their story by verbally explaining it. Overall I think it was a great short and I enjoyed watching it. I can't wait to see how your boxing film comes out and hope we can work together again in the future.
I really like the shots that you choose during the short it really helped me empathize with the situation. The music fit the mood also and I thought was very good. In regards to the VO. I'm not really a big fan of long voiceover. I know it's hard when you only have 5 minutes to try and convey a particular meaning but I think that a lot of times people use narration as a way to fill in large holes in their story by verbally explaining it. Overall I think it was a great short and I enjoyed watching it. I can't wait to see how your boxing film comes out and hope we can work together again in the future.