Tip

On days like this I often look back and find a biscuit floating behind me. Although it may be rude, I never acknowledge its presence. I simply turn my head and pretend not to have seen it, but I know it's there. Furthermore, I know what it wants . . . it wants my Goobers.

But, hindsights 20/20 and upon reflection I never should have bought that car anyway. When drinking ketchup from the bottle it's better the bottle be a squeeze.
 
All I gatta say is....

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Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.
 
An independent filmmaker walks into a Dr.'s office with a frog on his head. The Dr. asks, what's the matter and the frog answers, I got this independent filmmaker on my ass, what the f*ck do you think is a matter!?
 
Me: TJ, what's up.
TJ: I'm on my third six-pack. Where are you?
Me: At the drive-thru liquor, auto parts, and live bait shop. You need more beer?
TJ: Better get a case. And a transmission.
Me: It's gonna be a loooong ****in' night, isn't it.
 
In some states/cities if you don't leave what "they" consider a proper TIP at an eatery, you could be arrested for petty theft! TIP - always leave a tip!
 
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