This is sad...

[DEATHTOPRINT]

but, would anybody mind giving me some feedback on something i'm working on for tomorrow. It's a real "short" short film i have to do for school. The full 3 page script is up.... i just need some feedback/help.


http://www.dvxuser.com/cgi-bin/DVX2/YaBB.pl?board=writing;action=display;num=1107706067

thanks.

 

[Kirk Gillock]

Re: This is sad...

Honestly I felt the story was brilliant up until the gun/suicide sequence. At that point the story totally changed and I didn't like it! To me the story was about a man who needed these bulbs to give his life color and meaning. So he could do his art. That was the story, it was good, and it should end there. Cut the suicide seen and your audience will be happier. So will your main character.

Good luck!