The Building

well- the winning list is out folks!
and unfortunately my script is not in there!

However- anyone seeking this script for production can give me a shout!

Or I can modify the short script into a feature. (The Government attempts to Kill Michael with the usage of their mind control weapon)
 
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This …

MICHAEL a middle age man is preparing breakfast for his niece SARA. The beacons sizzle on the blazing stove.

Need a comma after MICHAEL. Also, should be middle-aged.

We don’t know Sarah is a niece just by looking at her.

Spelled Bacon wrong. Also, bacon is an uncountable noun, so don’t use plural (‘strips’ of bacon is countable). And, you have not established it exists before this point, so don’t use ‘the’.

‘Bacon sizzles on the stove’ will work fine.

This …

MICHAEL
HOT! HOT! One or two?

No need for caps. We get it. But maybe say Michael reaches into the pan to grab the bacon. His dialogue is disconnected.

This …


MICHAEL
(continues)

If you really gotta use cont’d, do it in caps next to the character heading. I don’t see a need for it, but if the urge is there …

This …


Well- you didn’t like the others
also. How many baby sitters has it been- Huh?

Should be ‘didn’t like the others either’, not also.

This …

MICHAEL
Ten. And they all has quit in the period of two months.

Should be ‘And they all have quit …’ Has is for singular.

This …

Michael opens the door. Two men stands on the porch. TERRY and TIMOTHY has a strange silver cap on top of their head.

Here again on the has/have. Doesn’t matter if it’s the verb or the auxiliary form, ‘has’ is singular, have is plural (used for ‘you’ as well since it can be either, and for I, the exception). In other words, use has for he, she, or it. Only!

This should read something like ‘TERRY and TIMOTHY both have a strange …’
 
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