suggestions for script

hello everyone, i've written a suspense/thriller script that i think i'm going to tackle over the winter, i gave it a shot before, and filmed one scene, but i didn't like it, my actor was way too "everydayish" and just no emotion. i'm getting new actors and such, and i will give it another shot. i was wondering, since this is only my second script i've ever written, first to actually be filmed (last one fell apart too! hopefully i'll finnish this one) but i was just wondering if any of you good screenwriters would like to take a look at it and give me some pointers and tips for dialogue. if you would like to help me out, i'll p/m you the script or e-mail or something, its only like 15 pages long. (hopefully about a 15-20 minute short.) thanks!
 
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I recommend you break the script down, hold auditions, rehearse the actors, and hold production meetings. If you've took the time to write the script, you should take the time to get the best result possible.

I'm about to shoot my next short film. It's 14 pages. I just finished breaking the script down and I'm holding rehearsals next week.

I've done tons of films without doing any planning and, they were fun, but I didn't get the end result I wanted. Now I do all the pre-planning I can. It pays off.

I'd be happy to read your script and let you know my opinion and what not.

Take care.
 
without even reading the script, i would say cut it to 10 pages. 15 - 20 is definitely on the long side for a short film. if this is your first short that you're actually going to produce, the shorter the better. once you start editing, you'll probably cut a lot and realize you would have saved yourself a lot of production time by just cutting it out in the script.
 
cannon said:
I recommend you break the script down, hold auditions, rehearse the actors, and hold production meetings. If you've took the time to write the script, you should take the time to get the best result possible...

....I've done tons of films without doing any planning and, they were fun, but I didn't get the end result I wanted. Now I do all the pre-planning I can. It pays off...

This is great advice. Having a pre-planned schedule for shooting will help you to be driven to finish (sense you can see the "path" ahead) and actors/other crew members will take you more seriously if it looks like you have all your ducks in a row.
 
thanks for the tips, i have some people reading it right now, and i'm probably going to end up changing it quite a bit, but this advice is good, if there's one thing i wish icould do, it would be to FINNISH something! especially my staedicam, which is done except for the gimbal and vest belt...
 
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